Mom stressing me out about an open bar
I'm having my Reception at an everything included venue. My budget has already ran over by $6k! I'm having signature drinks because they were relatively inexpensive. My mom said, "You're not having an open bar? Most people come to the wedding for the liquor?" I said, "Wow, I thought they came because they want to wish the couple well." And she said, "yeah, that too...but they also want liquor." I'm sorry, I just can't afford it right now. The venue I'm having is very elegant, and you pay for that elegance. I'm sure if I read over that contract, somewhere in there, they're probably charging me for air. And asking my mom to pay for that liquor is like asking a neighbor to pay for it. She doesn't feel like she should contribute-which I agree. But I also would appreciate if she'd stop with the suggestions.

Tammy
Married: 07/12/2014
Posted On: May 4, 2012 at 8:50 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

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Ms. 2 Mrs.
Married: 1+ year ago
May 04, 2012 at 8:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I just posted about this earlier. Although, I would like an open bar I wouldn't be able to do it. Go with what you can. Maybe you could do an consumption bar and limit them to the domestic well drinks, your signature drink and wine.

Mrs. J-Mo
Married: 07/21/2012
Reviews: 11
May 04, 2012 at 8:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just ignore her.... if she doesnt plan to pay for it, then she prob shouldnt comment about it! Signature drink is better than nothing :)

Married: 11/13/2011
Reviews: 6
May 04, 2012 at 9:12 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
We had a cash bar. I did not hear one complaint. Most of my family arent drinkers but my BP are and they were fine with it. I did provide alcohol for my BP but they didn't really drink it, they were too busy having fun to stop and drink.

I don't know why booze is so important to some people. I like to have a few drinks but it's a wedding, not a drunken club night.

Tammy
Married: 07/12/2014
May 04, 2012 at 9:44 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I did bring up the option of an open bar, and of course, mama had a complaint about that too. "You can't go inviting ppl to a wedding and say, pay for your own drink." I thought that a signature drink was also better than nothing. I told her I can't please everybody. And then my mom with her smart mouth couldn't let it go and said, "maybe you shouldn't have weddings you can't afford." Excuse me? I can afford the wedding thank-you. Sorry....I'm venting again.

Fawn
Married: 10/06/2012
Reviews: 2
May 04, 2012 at 9:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
It's ok, we all need to vent now and then. Wedding planning isn't nearly as fun as going to a wedding. You can opt to have your signature drink but let people know that if they want other options you'll have a full cash bar. (If your venue is cool with that and wont charge you extra.) That way people can drink still drink for free but they can pay for more options.

Another option that most brides seem to be doing is beer and wine only. We're doing that and it costs a lot less than having any alcohol. We're able to have different beers and wines so people have options without us being charged extra.

KKnTrev
Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 7
May 04, 2012 at 9:52 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I got lucky. We set a budget for the alcohol since our venue only serves beer by the bottle and wine. FMIL did not like the idea of capping it so they agreed to pay anything over... Is it bad I'm thinking about lowering our budget???
May 04, 2012 at 9:53 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You didn't hear a complaint because people are pretty polite when it comes to that.

A limited bar is fine; a cash bar? Not so much.

Tammy
Married: 07/12/2014
May 04, 2012 at 10:03 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'll talk to my venue about a limited bar. Not sure I can do it because I'm still over my budget.

Married: 03/03/2013
May 04, 2012 at 10:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with Celia, I'd much rather do a limited bar than a cash bar. I couldn't imagine asking people to come to my wedding and then making them pay for anything.

I also don't believe a wedding *needs* any alcohol to begin with, though. As someone said earlier, it's a wedding not a club. I think it's nice of you to offer them any alcohol, they could just be getting water! If your mom has a problem, she needs to remember who's paying. Her daughter is getting married, that should be her focus!

Married: 04/28/2012
May 04, 2012 at 10:48 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
If its over your budget, then dont do it. my mom was making some suggestions and i kindly told her that unless she planned on paying for it, then to leave me alone about it lol.

I think the signature drinks idea is a great one. we just had beer and wine at my wedding. and no, people dont go to your wedding to drink. if they do, they are defff there for the wrong reasons. =]

Married: 11/13/2011
Reviews: 6
May 04, 2012 at 11:05 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
No, I didn't hear a complaint because my family doesn't drink.

Cash bar at weddings are normal where we live. We went to 2 weddings and it was a cash bar, nobody complained there either.

Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 5
May 04, 2012 at 11:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I have said this on another post...

If people only wanted to come to my wedding to get drunk, then I'm going to be much happier when they leave early once they find out that isn't going to happen...

:-)
May 04, 2012 at 11:55 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Having a glass of wine or two doesn't equal getting drunk...

FMC
Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 13
May 05, 2012 at 12:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Celia you are in NY or NJ right? Is it even possible that cash bars are ok regionally? Is it even feasible to think that cash bars may be the norm for some areas?

Married: 02/15/2014
May 05, 2012 at 1:25 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Wow, my mother said the samething to me she mostly said it because some of the people in our family can't live with out a drink and will make our wedding hell if they don't get one. I decided to put a limit on the drinks, we are going to hand out little tickets (they are going to just be like slips with our wedding name and date) and they give those to the bartenders, we are telling them that after they pass that limit we have to pay for the extras. Hopefully they will respect our wishes. A cash bar is a good idea too but I haven't found a place that allows that here.

Amanda
Married: 07/07/2012
Reviews: 7
May 05, 2012 at 1:45 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Maybe see if you can do a limited bar. That's what we are doing due to budget constraints. It's not what I would love to do, but at least we are offering them some type of alcohol. I think you need to keep in mind that your guests are there to wish you well, but they also should be entertained and taken care of. Some of them may be traveling quite a ways to come to your wedding. Others are probably spending money on hotel accommodations, clothes to wear for your big day, and gifts for you and your FH/DH. I think its important as a good hostess to show them you appreciate that.

Married: 05/24/2012
May 05, 2012 at 5:01 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
It must be the east coast or something. But where I live...a cash bar is norm. Even to weddings where the bride and groom can afford to pay for your drinks, they still don't. I have been to probably 15 weddings in my life and the only wedding i have not had to pay for my drinks was when i was a bridesmaid. So I say if you can't afford it then do a cash bar. I mean you are already feeding them and entertaining them for the evening. If they complain about that then i would not consider them good friends or family.

Jenn
Married: 09/15/2012
May 05, 2012 at 7:45 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@Krista- It definiely is an east coast thing. People over here like to show off their money and status... Its sad really.

i've never been to a wedding without an open bar in my life. I've also never been to a wedding outside of a country club.

Everyone is going to be shocked at my outdoor wedding! Eventhough its still costing 30K

I think a signature drink is great. They dont like it, dont drink it. Dont go over budget and further, you will just regret it later! And who knows what will pop up between now and the wedding!

Married: 10/15/2011
Reviews: 7
May 05, 2012 at 8:14 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm on the east coast and the fact that cash bars are not the norm is the issue of being a good host - NOT the issue of showing off money and status. So no, it's not sad.

Married: 06/30/2012
Reviews: 5
May 05, 2012 at 9:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would never consider having a cash bar where I live here in Jersey. That is just not common around here. Another thing you could do (I've seen it on here before) have everyone get a ticket or two for 2 included alcoholic beverages.
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