I am so mad I could spit - ON CONCRETE! (Update#4)
I was going to wait until I got home, but I need to say this now:

Last night, FH and I had a meeting with the BP. We have 6 GM, 6 BM, 3 Jr BM 1 RG and 1 FG. Everyone was there and on time. One of the GM (the only one not married) brought his girlfriend. She pulled me aside and asked what would be her duites as a BM. WHAT?! I never told her she was in the BP. Apparently, HE did! Well, needless to say, her and I had a conversation that did not go well - for her! Now GM is mad because he feels she is not a part of the wedding because they're not married. Had to explain that was not true. All of the GM are FH close friends, and all of the BM are mine. He brought up how her and I have gotten really close; what the hell! Her feelings are hurt and FH says I should extend an olive branch and include her somehow. Told him, this is not my problem. GM should not have told her she was in the wedding.

Ladies, I may be wrong (I doubt it) but, if you were in this situation, how would you handle it?

B'Loved
Married: Recently Married
Edited On: Apr 15, 2012 at 2:41 AM
Posted On: Apr 9, 2012 at 9:06 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

89 Comments | Login or Signup to post a comment!

Kristina
Married: 09/22/2012
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I would say tough S*** and let them wallow in their self pitty. It is your day and you do not need to be pressured into bringing anyone into the wedding party who you do not feels belongs there.

Kristina
Married: 09/22/2012
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
And as for him saying things he shouldn't about who is in the wedding, tell him it was not his place to say anything.
Edited On: Apr 09, 2012 at 9:12 AM

Amanda
Married: 07/07/2012
Reviews: 7
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:12 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
The same way you are. If she is not a close friend and you didn't think to ask her in the first place, don't put her in now. The GM was way out of line for that. Leave things as they are - she will get over it!

Hayley C™
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 1
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I do agree, GM should not have put you in such a weird position. What if they break up before then?

Does She still want to be involved, or is she pissed?

You could give her some responsibility, but I'm now wondering how mad she is and how helpful she really will be.

The Brides personal attendant? Ask her if she can bring bagels and OJ to the hair appointment. See if she wants to get her hair done with you and the ladies. She can come with to the photo shoots. Have a purse with your make-up for touch ups. Look for lipstick on teeth. Keep an eye on your veil and hair during the photos to be sure everything is in place?


Private User
Married: 2+ years ago
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think I would handle this just how you did...politely explain that there was a misunderstanding, and you're sorry but gf is not a part of the BP.

krisalicious
Married: 04/28/2012
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Um, first off that GM is smoking crack and this is not your fault. And nobody should ever assume they're in someone's wedding party unless they're, you know, ASKED.

GM is obviously not the best middle man. I would talk to her directly and just tell her, "It's a bummer that GM assumed you would be in the wedding; I hate that your feelings got hurt but I chose my bridal party already and it's pretty set. I'm so glad you'll be there to celebrate with us though. Hey have you tried that new sushi place?" and change the subject and never bring it up again.

Don't apologize for anything that isn't your fault but acknowledge her feelings are hurt and give her a hug and move on. If you want to ask her to do a reading or something do it, but not b/c you feel guilty over something that is not your fault. Whenever I do something out of pure guilt it haunts me later and I regret it.

Married: 10/15/2011
Reviews: 7
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:20 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
That's crazy. So in addition to an incredible GM, has this girl ever been in a wedding? She doesn't understand that the bride TALKS to her BMs once in a while? What about the dress and everything else?

I would extend the olive branch but more as in 'sorry for the misunderstanding' type thing. How long have they been together? She really should have known better - you don't ask people to be in their BP.

Married: 12/08/2012
Reviews: 5
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:22 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
YIKES! What possesses people to make such ridiculous decisions... for OTHER people's weddings!? Stand your ground, girl. It's not like you're not inviting her! Besides she'll probably be involved in everything anyway since her BF is in the BP.

krisalicious
Married: 04/28/2012
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:22 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Also emphasize to her that you're not just inviting anyone and everyone to the wedding and you're inviting her b/c you consider her your friend. I think sometimes people forget it's also an honor to be invited to a wedding and they focus more on being IN the wedding.

....that might not work if you've invited 500 people. :) But in most cases it's true.

Married: 06/13/2012
Reviews: 16
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:24 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
IMO you are not wrong at all and I don't think you should have to be the one to extend the olive branch. Your GMs needs to explain that he was in the wrong and it wasn't his place to include her in your wedding plans. The fact that she had to pull you aside to chat about her role says she knew she was in the wrong.

I don't care if they've been together for 6 weeks or 6 years if you are not someone that I hold dear in my heart you will not be apart of a celebration that I plan on cherishing for years to come.

Now if you find that you truly need to have her in the wedding to avoid drama; ask her to be a host or a greeter.

* Gin
Married: 04/27/2013
Reviews: 6
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Tell her that her sole duty will be the lifting of the wedding dress during bride bathroom breaks, super important gig if you ask me ;)

Married: 09/29/2012
Reviews: 1
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
well, thats just strange. Ditto on what Hayley said "is she interested in being involved still"

can she man the guest book?

KKnTrev
Married: 06/02/2012
Reviews: 7
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:35 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I like Hayley's idea. You could more or less make her your B*%$#. Hahaha. Or your guest book attendant or gift table attendant. I'd rather make her cater to me "since you're so close!" LOL

Leigh~
Wedding: [Private]
Apr 09, 2012 at 9:56 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Are you serious? Why would he give that job to his girlfriend when, um, that's your job to give it to her?
I would not let her in. No one should assume that they're in a wedding until after there has been a conversation stating that's the case.
That would annoy me so much. I can't believe he would do that. What an idiot.

Married: 09/21/2012
Reviews: 2
Apr 09, 2012 at 10:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Looks like all of us are venting today lol. I don't think you're wrong nor do I think you are entitled to give her any type of responsibility if you don't want to. Its your wedding and she needs to realize the fact that you all have already chosen your bridal party and the GM is wrong for trying to pressure you into giving her a position. You and FH may have to have a seat with the both of them cordially to explain your views so they understand and allow the choice to be there's from that point on if they still want to be apart of your guestlist b/c of a misunderstanding the GM caused.

Kimmi
Married: 11/03/2012
Reviews: 5
Apr 09, 2012 at 10:56 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm with the other ladies... tough cookies. Personally, I don't know why she listened to the GM anyway even if he is her b/f. You're not a bridesmaid unless the BRIDE asks you to be. Anyone with a brain would know that!

Married: 10/13/2012
Reviews: 7
Apr 09, 2012 at 10:58 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
how weird!!!! I would just tell her that being there with you and celebrating is a really important part of your day and you just want her to have a good time.

Married: 10/13/2012
Reviews: 7
Apr 09, 2012 at 10:58 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
oh and then I'd punch that stupid GM in the face. What a moron.

Married: 05/19/2012
Apr 09, 2012 at 11:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We sort of had the same problem with my cousin, she assumed she was a shoe in for my wedding, we explained that all the wedding party was already chosen and she was not one. Of course this caused issues with some family but I just simply told them that it is my wedding and if they didn't like it then they didn't need to come.

Married: 04/28/2012
Reviews: 5
Apr 09, 2012 at 12:02 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
lol... I would say I am including her! she's coming to the wedding isn't she? They are all being dumb. sorry.
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