Whether you’re worried that you’ll go into total bridezilla mode at some time during your engagement, or fear that you’ve already reached that point (if you have, it’s okay — relax with these tips), your bridesmaids’ behavior can be one of the first telltale signs that something has gone awry. Even without meaning to, you could be getting on their nerves or making them feel unappreciated, causing them to run for cover. Yes, it’s your wedding and your bridesmaids should go along with your wishes, but they’re also real people, and pushing their buttons is no way to thank them for being part of your special day.
Are you annoying your bridesmaids? Look for these warning signs and find out how to fix the situation.
They’ve gone M.I.A.
Your bridesmaids take forever to respond to your texts, and at least one person has left the group chat. When you tag your ‘maids in funny wedding memes, they don’t seem to appreciate your sense of humor (a.k.a. they barely acknowledge anything you share). You expected this to bring all of you closer together, but instead, you feel a little forgotten. What gives?
The fix: Of course your bridesmaids are happy that you’ve found the love of your life (they agreed to stand by your side, after all!), but it’s important to remember that this is your wedding, not theirs. Maybe your bridesmaids are experiencing wedding overload or engagement envy, and as a result, they’re not interested in discussing the details of your big day 24/7. In order to avoid constant wedding talk, they’re distancing themselves from you and possibly the other bridesmaids — intentionally or unintentionally. Give them a break by shifting your wedding conversations to someone who isn’t a bridesmaid, like your mom, a close relative, or someone who has shown genuine interest in the planning.
They don't ask you how wedding planning is going
The only time your wedding comes up in a conversation with your bridesmaids is when you mention it. Even when you reach major planning milestones, like booking a venue or sending your invitations, they don’t share the joy of your OMG moment. Sometimes it feels like they’re practically ignoring the fact that, helloooo, this is one of the most exciting times of your life!
The fix: If one or more bridesmaid is giving you anti-wedding vibes, a possible reason for her behavior is that she isn’t feeling valued. While you probably aren’t doing this intentionally, it can sometimes happen if you have a large wedding party, or if a particular bridesmaid doesn’t have a super-close relationship with you like the other bridesmaids. This could cause her to detach from the situation by only discussing your wedding when necessary (i.e. thinking logically vs. emotionally).
Another possible reason for her disinterest is jealousy. Maybe a bridesmaid is envious of your wedding or engagement, for whatever reason, and her coping method is to avoid talking about it as much as possible. Either way, you can’t force a bridesmaid to show constant interest in your wedding plans — that will only create drama that you definitely DON’T need. Do your best to keep conversations light and positive, with a balance of wedding and non-wedding talk. Focus on her life for a while and ask her how she’s doing to re-strengthen your bond. Eventually, she should come around on her own terms.
They’re doing the bare minimum
You thought everyone was just as excited about planning the wedding as you are, but now it’s difficult to get your group to go above and beyond their basic bridesmaid duties. Your ‘maids are supposed to be your besties who celebrate your engagement at every turn and help you plan even the smallest wedding details — or are they?
The fix: Your bridesmaids are not your personal wedding minions (but it’s not like you really needed us to tell you that), so as long as they’re continuing to be upbeat and following basic bridesmaid etiquette, there isn’t any true reason for alarm. If you’re constantly guilting your bridesmaids to help with miscellaneous wedding tasks, especially if it’s something you could easily do yourself, it could be turning them off to the idea of helping out at all.
Keep your requests simple and intermittent. The bridesmaids who can help you will speak up, trust us! And remember that just because a bridesmaid isn’t stepping up to the plate as much as you’d like doesn’t always mean that she doesn’t want to. There could be other factors coming into play, such as her work schedule, budget, or personal life.
Getting your gals together is challenging
You want your bridesmaids to be one big happy family, but your attempts to plan Father of the Bride marathons, wedding decor crafting sessions, and a destination bachelorette party have all flopped so far. It seems like the harder you try to arrange a get-together, the less willing your #squad becomes.
The fix: Forgetting that your bridesmaids have other time commitments and responsibilities outside of your wedding will only push them away. It’s normal to want your bridesmaids to be best friends (if they aren’t already), but you can’t force it. If you definitely want to plan a bridesmaid bonding activity or two, give your ‘maids plenty of notice, ask for everyone’s input, and don’t make it feel like a huge obligation. Lastly, look for the silver lining: you already have several built-in opportunities, such as your bachelorette party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, and the morning of the wedding. Allowing your bridesmaids’ bonds to grow naturally will be so much more satisfying
They’re talking behind your back
A little birdie told you that your bridesmaids have been chatting amongst themselves and with other people about your wedding planning antics. Even though it’s human nature to gossip, it’s upsetting to hear that people you’re close with are talking about you behind your back.
The fix: Repeat after us: remain calm. Your bridesmaids probably aren’t trying to rock the boat here, but if they’re feeling stressed out, it’s likely that they are looking for a way to vent about it. If a bridesmaid is concerned about something, she’s likely checking in with another bridesmaid or two to see if they’re on the same page. If she’s out of line, rest assured that your other ‘maids will put her in her place. Whatever you do, don’t confront your gossiping bridesmaids out of anger. Approach them with a level mindset and avoid bridesmaid drama by taking the time to listen to their concerns and working to reach a compromise.
Their opinions become negative or disappear altogether
Your once-upbeat bridesmaid has suddenly become a Debbie Downer or is totally apathetic whenever you ask for her opinion on something. Her go-to response lately is something along the lines of “Just do whatever you want!”
The fix: You might feel like you should be counting your blessings in this case, since dealing with an outspoken or opinionated bridesmaid can sometimes be tricky. But if a bridesmaid has no opinion at all or only has bad things to say about your wedding choices, it’s usually a warning sign of a deeper problem. Have you been asking for her input on things this whole time, only to ignore everything she says? If so, she might have had the last straw and is removing herself, and her opinions, from the equation. Don’t ask her to weigh in on something again unless you’re genuinely going to consider what she says, and remember that changing your tone or putting a positive spin on things when you don’t like her suggestions will go a long way.
If it seems like a bridesmaid is genuinely shutting down every decision you make for no reason, she may be trying to steal your spotlight. When this happens, it’s best to give her something specific to focus on while you put your energy into other matters.