How to Avoid Bridesmaid Drama

Written by Angela Taylor
Photo: Margo Dawn Photography

Hello brides! I’m Angela Taylor, soon to be Darnell, from The Thrifty Pineapple. On The Thrifty Pineapple you will find fashion advice as well as lifestyle inspiration and of course some tips on planning your big day! I got engaged on March 19th, 2016 and walk down the aisle on April 8th, 2017.

Being engaged has been wonderful, but one of the most stressful situations of my wedding planning process has been drama with my bridesmaids. Bridesmaid drama is inevitable and happens to everyone. Not everyone is going to agree with the decisions you make for your wedding, even though the decisions about your wedding should be yours and yours alone. But with that being said, it doesn’t give you the right to act like a bridezilla.

When you ask your girls to be a part of your special day, it may feel like all fun and laugh—until things start to get serious. For me the drama occurred during the shower planning process and then again during the bachelorette party planning.

After talking to other brides, drama in the wedding party is very common and will either make you better friends or friendship may be severed. Heck, even Jared had his own tiffs with his groomsmen. It happens to everyone, I promise! After all these girls should be like sisters to you and sometimes sister fight.

Below are a couple of ways to deal cope with bridesmaids drama:

Understand Your Bridesmaids’ Perspectives

You have to understand that she may not like the dress you picked out or she may not have the time or money to plan a shower. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you—she just doesn’t agree with you right now. With that being said, the bridesmaids do need to know that if they can’t uphold what you are asking of them (within reason) then maybe they need to reevaluate their role as bridesmaids. Be very clear what your expectations are throughout the planning process and be upfront about your needs—but be mindful and respectful that your bridesmaids do have lives beyond your wedding.

Take Time to Breathe

Nothing good ever happens in the heat of the moment. Do not be afraid to step away from the situation and collect your thoughts and try to see where the other person is coming from. Don’t make rash decision that could ruin friendships. This includes “firing” a bridesmaid—sure, it can seem like a good idea in the moment, but your friendship will likely never be the same after such a bold move.

Choose Your Battles

When I was going through my own drama, it was very clear I needed to choose my battles. One of my girls did not want to throw me a shower and this was something I had to be okay with. She was very passionate about not throwing one and I felt like our friendship was more important than a silly wedding shower shower. Although, I was hurt and disappointed overall this was the better option for the friendship. However, this season of your life is about you so don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself if you feel strongly about something. For me, my bachelorette party was very important to me. My girlfriends take a girls’ trip every year and I wanted my bachelorette party to be in a new fun city that was something we hadn’t done before. This was something I wasn’t willing to budge on.

Give Your Coordinator a Heads Up

If you are having a wedding coordinator, I recommend letting her know your concerns about your bridal party. Example, if you have one bridesmaid who always feels the need to be the center of attention, your coordinator may be able to rein her in if needed. Or if you are concerned about a particular bridesmaid being late make sure the coordinator communicates where she needs to be and when. What you say on your wedding day can affect friendships in the future, but your coordinator will never see them again, so he or she can be “bad cop” if necessary.

This day is all about you and your future spouse, so be sure to choose bridesmaids who will support you during this time of your life.