Is it wrong to have a non-legal ceremony? NOW I NEED A BEST MAN TOAST!!!!

I will of NEVER dreamed of thinking about getting married again while I was going through a divorce with someone else, your life is so mixed up at that point, and the big thing is it's not fair to the person that you say you love so much you want to marry them...

Rayyy Chull...I am with you on that one. I would never consider an engagement to a man who was still legally married to another.

My divorce took 5 years to finalize. The battle was over the distribution of assets and alimony. It was the War of the Roses only we were fighting over dandelions.

The bottom line is, if it has been 2 years, it can go on for another two years. Rebrand your ceremony as a committment ceremony and get hitched by the JOP when he is free to marry again.

This is one hot mess.

Hi, all! Sharon here. This definitely is a real situation and I normally would not have looked to a forum for help but my friend who does not want to stand up for me made me think. I am hearing it is OK from my family and the rest of my friends so I wanted to see if it was just my circle of family and friends.

I apparently was unclear. Saturday (or whenever we can make it legal) will be my fiancés 3rd marriage. His first one lasted 15 years and the last one was a mistake - his wife had issues she did not disclose prior to the wedding but they are not enough for an annulment/quick divorce. They were only together a few months.

Update: I spoke to my friend yesterday and she is willing to participate if we make an announcement prior to the ceremony. I am sure some people will leave but she made a good point that even though my lawyer said it is legal he does not have to live in our town. I just have to figure out how to say it so that people aren't too upset.

Someone asked if this is just about the white dress and yes, in some ways it is. I was married and have 3 kids but I never had this chance to be the bride.

What does your FH say to all of this?

Coming to this party late BUT.

I agree why would you plan a wedding knowing he wasn't divorced yet... I mean usually most people wait to plan a wedding until they both are single. Even more so invited almost 150 knowing he wasn't divorced. Didn't you think maybe you should post-pone this shindig til he was divorced? You say this is it for you but wouldn't you want your only wedding to be legal? It makes no sense to me?

But you need to be honest you need to tell your guest that you in fact do plan on getting married but sadly today you will not be in fact that FH is not divorced.

And if you are worried about guest taking gifts back (which I'm not sure you are) then you need understand that this is a possibility. I would take my gift back if I went to a wedding that wasn't a real wedding.

Me too ^^^^

I am not sure that 6-8 weeks ago, I could have sent out my invitations, knowing that FH wasn't divorced yet...

I was married previously...my divorce took a long time and I waited to book my date and venues etc until I had confirmation of my divorce... I was not going to chance paying money out when in the end, I wasn't able to get married.... and never in a million years would FH have had anything to do with having a ceremony of any kind, while I was still married to someone else....

If you live in a small town... wouldn't people already know that he is still infact married? I am in a small town and everyone knows everyone's business.... sometimes much more of it than they should know....

I wouldn't be happy about being lied to as a guest... but that is just my opinion....

I have lived with my husband for 8 years... we just got married this year, but I am no more his wife now than I was before the wedding... we were and are a family....

And I don't even understand how one can have a "commitment ceremony" when one is still legally committed to someone else? It's like saying I'm emotionally committed to you, but legally committed to her, so I'm not 100% committed to anyone.

This makes my head hurt...

Mine too Mrs. Chatmon!!!! If my lawyer didn't assure me that it would be finalized by now we would not have set the date.

I'd love to know who that lawyer is so I can avoid them. Nothing is set in stone until it's set in stone.

A few ladies have asked, and I don't think I've seen an answer -- where is you FH in this? Is he worried about the divorce going through? What is he doing to make sure it is finalized?

Are you still having some kind of ceremony if the divorce isn't finalized?

What type of wording/terms is the "officiant" going to use?

Why are you not concerned that this celebration might make the divorce take longer?

"Someone asked if this is just about the white dress and yes, in some ways it is. I was married and have 3 kids but I never had this chance to be the bride."

And this, in essence, says a lot. At this point in time, this chance is still not yours.

I was married before, and my divorce took almost four years. I would never send out invites to guests knowing i was still legally married. I do not understand how a wedding can be planned when one person is already married. you have no idea how long the divorce can take and you are running into to many issues of someone doing something illegal.

and if the only reson your getting married and going though with this is because "I never had this chance to be the bride" somethings wrong. being a bride is not what a wedding is about.

If you want to be the bride in a big white wedding with all the frills, then do it. But wait until your guy is legally divorced and legally free to marry you. Then plan and have the Wedding of the Century. With our blessings.

But no matter how you slice this and what you call it, it is not a wedding because one party to the "marriage" is already married.

Do what you want screw what people are saying. At the end of the day if you're happy with a ceremony and making it legal later. Great. BUT remember that you will not be married and it's all just for show at that point. The meaning isn't there. Ask him what he wants.

Ex wives that fight divorces are so annoying. If he doesn't want you.. LET HIM GO!

I call Bull$#it......the lawyer says it's ok, the officiant is all good with it, the fh isn't into planning, the friend is wrong for bringing it up........not to mention the evil ( may one day be) ex wife who is crazy and didn't disclose that fact prior to marriage.....

I just don't believe it as it has grown and twisted and changed....my head hurts and effing General Hospital has less drama in a year of episodes

Lawyers can and do tell people that certain suits won't take long or give an estimate on how long it should take. I do believe that Sharon started planning her wedding based on the lawyer's estimate. Maybe she was wrong for that but who are we to judge??

I also know a bride that have gotten married by a JOP and then had an "official" wedding and reception a couple of months later and did not tell her guests. While it wasn't illegal it was deceitful and no one was the wiser.

The who's and why's of this situation are water under the bridge. Sharon you need to think about what you're going to say to your guests and how you're going to say it.

People have weddings all the time that aren't "legal" I've been to 4. EVERYONE can do it there isn't some "mystery" behind it. A wedding is a party and if they're not using false wedding licences or something they can have any kind of party for whatever reason they want. It's a commitment ceremony and if he's legally separated which he is if he filed, he can do whatever he pleases. No ex wife will get anything extra because AFTER he filed he wanted to commit love to another human. Divorce court isn't a trial.