Is it wrong to have a non-legal ceremony? NOW I NEED A BEST MAN TOAST!!!!

Why even plan a fake wedding?

I agree MrsChatmon. Thats how we all felt for my SIL/BILs wedding. We all felt completely lied to and I don't think a stupid announcement from the dj is going to make anything better.

Announcement or not by WHOEVER, people are still going to be upset and feel lied to because they will realize you have be planning this whole thing KNOWING you cannot make it legal. So not only do you lie, you waste their time and money. They all probably got you gift, whether from a store or monetary and people will hate feeling tricked/lied too. And there's something to be said about your family being "ok" with you doing this, especially when he doesn't seem to value a marriage or at least the legal aspect. As a mom/sister, I'd never be ok with that...

When my DH found out he was still hitched, you bet your a$$ he gave a da** about legally marrying me.

Sharon, you wrote in your most recent post "I was married before but never had the big wedding."

Is that what this is all about? The big, white wedding that you have never had?

Among the many things that are mind boggling here is the fact that this is only becoming an issue less than a week before the thing.

A dj announcement will not mean a thing. The couple and the officiant (if there is one) have to stand up at the beginning of the 'ceremony' and announce this together. I'd personally start making phone calls right now.

Big wedding or not, past or not, it's not legal. You're still lying to your guests and he my SIL "announced" it, you bet your a$$ that ALL of his and her family would have walked out.

I really hope you don't have people coming in from OOT to find out you lied...they are going to be seriously pissed.

This is no different than inviting friends and family to attend your college graduation, receiving your diploma from the dean of the college, only to tell the guests after the band finished playing "Pomp and Circumstance" that you really don't have the credits to graduate and the "diploma" you just received is really just a blank piece of paper.

I completely agree with Michelle...why even go through with it? No matter how much money you spent or didn't spend, ITS NOT LEGAL.

I would like to know why this has never come up before now. Why would you wait until this close to the wedding to bring up this issue? And it's really strange to me that you and your FH planned a wedding knowing it wouldn't be legal. This is all just odd to me.

Crystal, I love you!!! Lol you hit the nail on the head!

O_o!

Next question, do any of us know if this is true, or a post to get everyone talking?

There is so many twist and turns in this story, unbelievable, I was thinking you two was maybe just wanting to be together, I know how divorces go, like I said before my divorce took almost 3 years but it was mainly fighting over 30 years of our estate, and there was more things added to the situation like domestic violence on his part, so yes it can get ugly, but this, don't do this Sharon, do you want to start your life with him based on lies? at this point protect yourself.... we're not judging you here we're worried you're gonna get really hurt...

Good question Kathy R

What made me 'see red' were the comments that a commitment ceremony would not be a 'real wedding'. I realize the circumstances are different, but I'm sure most of you would feel the same if someone made a comment that your wedding would not be a real wedding for whatever reason.

I say cut Sharon some slack. She's already stated that they expected it to be finalized by now, and they've been trying for 2 years. There's already been a lot of money put into it, I wouldn't want to cancel mine at that point either. And I would expect my friends and family to understand that and deal with it since it'd be mine and FH's decision, not theirs. Yes there may be some red flags in FH's behavior, but we don't know the whole story. We also don't know anything about him except a few tidbits Sharon's told us.

Even if it is a fake post, it's a good thread. I have had at least four couples in the past year ask me about this.

I'm feeling a distinct lack of commitment on anyone's part, honestly.

Courtney, I have to disagree. It's great that they've been trying for two years to finalize the divorce, but because of all the possible legal ramifications, why would you continue planning a wedding where one person is still married? That's just HUGE. Absolutely HUGE and something that should be taken care of well before the wedding. It's one thing for family to understand WELL before hand the situation, it's another to be telling people ONE WEEK before the wedding. I would feel very betrayed if I didn't know about this from jump.

I think Sharon is getting slack. She's gotten advice on what to do, on the possible pitfalls of the situation, real life experiences with a similar situation... she's gotten slack. She'll do whatever she wants, but we can't ignore the elephant in the room that her fiance is married, ya know? That's so HUGE.

I consider your commitment ceremony to be more of a wedding than one where one partner is still bound to someone else.

We really don't need to know anything else except that the man is planning to marry without being divorced. There's no context that makes that right.

If, of course, the whole thing is real.

@ Courtney L - ok it has been made apparent that you are not reading the comments clearly.

Most of the posters have stated that she does not have to cancel the celebration - we have simply stated that she needs to NOT LIE and tell her family and friends what's really going on.

Crazy thing about honesty, most relationships - whether romantic, family, or friends - need them to survive.

Also, Courtney, I just read back through the whole post and can't find where someone seemed to belittle a committment ceremony vs a real wedding. I think perhaps "real wedding" was used to term a legal marriage. The OP can't have a "real wedding" in that she can't get legally married. And a committment ceremony isn't a "real wedding" in that it's not legal. Spiritually, emotionally, yeah the same thing. I think some comments simply used real wedding to describe a legal marriage, not necessarily "real," ya know?

I honestly don't even understand how you go so far as to get ENGAGED to a married man.... maybe that's just me.