Your Etiquette Questions Answered! Part 2

Posted by Kim on Apr 03, 2013

 Photo by Paul Rich Studio

Today, we’re tackling some tough issues – from not having a wedding registry to handling uninvited guests. Read on to see how we responded to these reader queries:

Jean asks (via Facebook): If the bride and groom are staying at the same venue as the reception, at what time is it appropriate for them to “leave” the party?

Once the bride and groom leave the reception, the party is technically over – and guests will start exiting as well. So to avoid any confusion, the couple should stay at their wedding until the band or DJ stops playing. Of course, if there’s an after party planned, the couple can keep partying long after the reception technically “ends.” Remember, your guests are there to celebrate you and your new spouse – so stay until the bitter end!

Kathryn asks (via email): We are deep in wedding planning (only 6 months to go!) but are stuck on how to let people know that we will not be having a registry. We are not sure if we should add something on our wedding website or on our invitations and if we do add something, how should we word it? We are getting married in the city where my fiancé was born but it is far from home and I certainly don’t want to be checking toasters with my luggage on my way home after the wedding – please help us!

The bottom line is: Guests are going to buy you gifts whether you register or not – and they may very well bring gifts to your wedding, so be prepared to ship these items home! We do recommend registering for at least a few things, even if they’re not the traditional home items (yes, you can register for a new DVD player or camping equipment), just to make it easier for people to know what to get you. You can also create a honeymoon registry, or ask for donations to your favorite charities. Any registry you do create should be noted on your wedding website, but if you decide not to register at all, let close family members and your bridal party know so they can respond to queries from other guests.

Michelle asks (via Facebook): What’s the best way to handle people who ask to or just go ahead and add a guest to their RSVP when you didn’t send the invitation “and guest”?

This is where your family members and wedding party can be super-helpful. Ask one of your nearest and dearest to contact the person, and have them explain that you and your fiance are on a really tight budget and restricted “plus ones” for a reason. They can also add that your venue has a very strict capacity requirement, and won’t be able to accommodate any extra guests. Chances are, the rogue guest will understand.

Kelly asks (via comments): If guests have already told us they can’t come to our wedding, should we still mail them the formal invitation?

In a word: Yes. Think of a wedding invitation as more than just a piece of card stock – it’s a symbol of your love, friendship, and the fact that you want your nearest and dearest to be by your side on this important day, whether they can make it or not. It’s likely that these guests will feel insulted if they don’t receive an invitation – and perhaps think they wouldn’t have been invited in the first place. Plus, people’s plans do change – so you want to make sure that if your guests are indeed able to attend, there’s no confusion about their invited status.

We’re accepting etiquette through the end of the week, so ask away via Facebook, Twitter, email, or the comments below.