Early in my planning process, I decided that we weren’t going to have favors. As much as I love how personalized favors can be, I wanted ours to be “more” than just little gifts for our guests to bring home. I wanted it to mean something.
My Nonna has advanced Alzheimer’s disease. It’s in its final stages: she now doesn’t recognize anyone, isn’t able to follow or contribute to a conversation, needs help to bathe, go to the washroom, and eat. She needs round the clock care, and has been placed in a nursing home for the past three years because of this. It breaks my heart, but we can’t have my Nonna attend the wedding. She is afraid to leave the nursing home, and this wedding – all the people, the different place, the duration of it – would be too much for her.
This decision brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. My Nonna and I used to dream of my wedding since I was a little girl. She couldn’t wait to see me get married. And as I plan my big day, I can’t help but think about how much my Nonna would have loved my dress – the princess dress. About how much she would have adored our reception venue for exactly the reasons I love it – its so Victorian and elegant. I can’t help but think about how unfair it is that when I talk to her, she doesn’t see me, doesn’t recognize me, her first grandchild. I can’t help but think about how much she would have loved this wedding, how much she would have immersed herself in helping me plan it, and how much she would have enjoyed it. I feel as though she was robbed of that — she’s here, physically here… but mentally, she’s not.
In lieu of favors, we are donating to the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada, for research for a cure for this terrible disease.
Have you considered favors for a cause?