The holiday season is all about enjoying delicious food and fun traditions with family…and of course, breaking out those stretchy pants. And if you’re recently engaged, your first holidays as an engaged couple will be even more special. However, being engaged over the holidays means that certain family members or your future in-laws might find it appropriate to ask you ridiculous, possibly personal questions about your wedding while seated around the dinner table (and usually very loudly).
We're sharing the questions that are most likely to come up in conversation at your holiday gatherings—and how to answer them gracefully.
1. “When are you going to have a baby?”
Why is it that as soon as you announce your engagement, your family members get babies on the brain? Whether or not kids are in your future, it can get exhausting to answer this question over and over.
What to say: “We’re just focusing on the wedding right now, but as soon as we have news to share, you’ll be the first to know.”
2. “So, how much is your wedding costing you? Who’s paying for it?”
Ugh, the money question. People can be so nosy about how much weddings cost, especially if are unmarried or were married long ago. Try to avoid the subject at all costs.
What to say: “We’re still figuring out our budget.”
3. “Weddings are stupid. Why don’t you just elope? Are you just after the gifts?”
It can be frustrating to have to explain why you chose to have a wedding, especially to a relative who has some lingering jealousy or other negative feelings. Take the high road.
What to say: “We really wanted to celebrate surrounded by our family and friends, so eloping really isn’t for us.”
4. “Why are you getting married so soon?” or “Why are you waiting so long?”
What to say: “This timeline is perfect for us.”
5. “What do you see in [your future spouse]? I never thought you two would stay together!”
Seriously? Some people just can’t keep their thoughts to themselves.
What to say: “There are so many things I love about [future spouse]. When you know, you know!”
6. “Am I invited?
If you’re having a relatively small wedding, not everyone at your family’s giant Christmas party may be invited to your big day. It may get a little awkward if your second cousin asks you point-blank if she’s invited, but she didn’t make the cut.
What to say: “We’re keeping the wedding really small for budget reasons, and unfortunately weren’t able to invite everyone.”
7. “Oh...you’re getting married there?”
Your great aunt might be confused if you’re not getting married in a house of worship. Or your future sister-in-law might have some snooty things to say about your choice of venue. Don’t feel the need to enter into a long defense of your wedding venue—keep your response brief.
What to say: “We researched a lot of venues, and this one was our favorite. We really like it and think it fits our style perfectly.”
8. "What can I get you as a gift?"
Normally, it isn’t proper etiquette to tell people where you’re registered for wedding gifts—you don’t want to seem greedy. But if someone asks you directly, you can certainly let them know, or direct them to your wedding website.
What to say: “You being at our wedding will be the best gift! But if you do want to buy us something, you can find all of our registry information on our wedding website.”
9. “I heard your new mother-in-law is a real witch. What do you think of her?”
You could get into a lot of trouble with this one so tread carefully. Even if you aren’t a fan of your new in-laws, be positive and don’t spread gossip.
What to say: “I’m really excited to get to know (future spouse’s) family even better.”
10. “Can I be in your wedding party?”
Some people may be clamoring to be party of your wedding-day squad—and you clearly can’t accommodate everyone, but certainly don’t want to hurt any feelings.
What to say: “We’re trying to keep our wedding party small. We still hope you’ll celebrate with us!”
11. “I want to help you with the wedding! Can I be your photographer/design your invitations/do your flowers?”
Yes, they mean well. But if you wanted one of your relatives to help you with your wedding, you probably would have asked them already (and there are reasons why it's not always a good idea).
What to say: “I want you to focus on enjoying our wedding, so let’s leave that to the professionals.”