VIP July 2018

Be Honest... Am I being unreasonable for not wanting my mom’s boyfriend in family photos?

Pegs, on July 19, 2018 at 7:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34
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My mom and her boyfriend have been going out for a year and a half. They have a house together. He’s obviously not my step dad and I don’t feel that close with him. My mom forced a relationship between myself and him, when I needed time to get used to him, and I don’t feel like I have a natural connection with him, or any really.

Now she wants him in family photos. I told her I don’t want him in those photos. Am I being a brat for saying that? Or just being unreasonable?

Thanks in advance.


  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
    I think you should let him be in some, and then take some without him. This is what my family does with all SOs. What’s the harm in him being in a couple photos?
  • M
    Dedicated September 2019
    Maria ·
    I personally do not think you're being a brat at all. Boyfriends come and go it's not like he's your step-dad. Besides it's your wedding not your mother's.
  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·

    I think you should allow him in one or two but have a right to one or two with just immediate family. That's common for non married SOs. I don't think its unreasonable but I do think its unreasonable to refuse to have him in any. He is obviously a big part of her life to have been together for that amount of time, and to own property together so I think its only fair to compromise.

  • Marissa
    Dedicated June 2019
    Marissa ·
    They are your photos and you are paying for them, I don’t think you should have to do anything you don’t want to do. These are your photos for the rest of your life make sure they are the way you want them!!
  • Mrs.Sanok
    VIP September 2018
    Mrs.Sanok ·

    I do not think you are. FH and I are kind of going through the same thing but in reverse. FMIL has a boyfriend but they have not been going out that long. FH does not want him in any photos, and I do not blame him. FH and FMIL boyfriend do not have a good relationship and FH is not really fond of him!

    But it might not be a problem because FMIL BF is saying that he is not even going. So we shall see.

  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
    Takes few with him in them and then don’t buy them or print them if you don’t want them.
  • Suzie
    Dedicated November 2019
    Suzie ·
    I agree with all of the compromising... let him be in a few and then the majority without. Your mom can buy the prints with and then you'll have attackman to choose from without him.
  • Allie
    Super September 2018
    Allie ·

    Hey girl! So i totally get this, my mom unfortunately has always had a "revolving door" when it came to boyfriends (not saying that your mom does) so I can totally get not wanting a boyfriend to be in photos.. I would say maybe have him in one family photo, and then take several with out him.. that way your mom feels like she was heard.. with out you having to worry about a person you dont care much about in your forever photos.

    Parents with boyfriends/girlfriends are hard! Trust me I know! lol Good luck!

  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·

    You’re not unreasonable at all, but do include him in one or two just to keep the peace and in case he ends up being a part of your family in the future.

  • Raina
    Super October 2017
    Raina ·

    I wouldn't say you're being a brat by any means and I totally get where you're coming from but I think it would be very nice of you to include him in a few just to make your mom happy. Compromise is a wonderful thing most of the time LOL.

  • Steph N.
    Super October 2018
    Steph N. ·
    Like everyone else said, have him be in a couple and then do the rest without him.
  • Tammy
    Super October 2018
    Tammy ·

    I don't think you are being unreasonable. Maybe compromise as PP have suggested and do some with him and some without?

  • Pegs
    VIP July 2018
    Pegs ·
    Thank you, guys. The answers are really helpful. I will have him in a few, especially because I really don’t want to hurt my mom. He may be a part of my family one day and I should be mindful of that. Thanks again.
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·

    I would compromise and have him in some and make sure there is the same photo but without him. That way if they don't work out you'll still have the family photos and on the flip side if they get married he'll still be part of the pictures.

  • ArwenToHisAragorn
    Expert October 2018
    ArwenToHisAragorn ·

    I totally understand your situation. My mom and her boyfriend have been together for about 4 years, she moved in with him; they just recently broke up after she found out some really awful things about him. I can't trust him, neither can my sister, but my mom got back together with him. I'll have him in one or two photos to make her happy but I'm most definitely not displaying them anywhere.

  • M
    Dedicated September 2018
    Marissa ·
    I am in the same situation with my mom and my father in law!
  • kbrands
    Super December 2018
    kbrands ·

    I would just allow him to be in a few pictures. I completely understand where you are coming from but I also have been on the other end of this situation as well and know it feels very awkward to stand around and not be included. We have a similar situation and have already discussed our concerns with our photographer. We let them know that we have someone who will try to be in all photos but really they are only wanted in like one or two. Our photographer (husband and wife duo) made sure to hear our concerns and are taking control by just letting people know who is in what photo. We really hope this eliminates any awkwardness and they are prepared to sternly tell this person no sorry it is not your time yet, please wait until we call your name. Fingers crossed it works and maybe you could ask your photographer to do something similar. We thought we were being a pain but they assured us that this happens quite often!

  • Danielle
    Expert March 2019
    Danielle Online ·
    When my sister got married, my mom specifically asked for pictures with all her cousins, and had her boyfriend in them. When they broke up in the following year, she regretted that she doesn’t have any of those pictures without him.
  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·

    I would just take some with him (for your Mom) and some without him (for you). That's an easy solution!

  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    Agree with pps. Let him be in some, but not all

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