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Krista
Just Said Yes October 2025

Please Help - Bridesmaid Upset Over Not Being moh

Krista, on May 3, 2024 at 1:24 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Hi everyone,

I need some advice on how to handle a bridesmaid who has expressed strong feelings of disappointment over not being named MOH in my upcoming wedding. If anyone has dealt with this before, is there usually a happy ending?

Long story short, I officially asked my bridesmaids to be a part of my wedding on Sunday and I had made my best friend of 20 years my MOH. I thought everything had gone well and I was even more excited to move forward with planning. Unfortunately, one of my bridesmaids has expressed her feelings of hurt to me about not being MOH like she thought she would be. She also had told me she had wished I had come to her about it. I then explained to her that I remember talking to her about being torn between her and my friend of 20 years as my MOH a while back, and distinctly remember her saying that my friend of 20 years should be MOH -- therefore, I had thought she would be okay with my decision. Clearly, I was wrong...

She then proceeded to tell me that I had betrayed her because I didn't consider everything she has done for me over the years. I tried to tell her that it was never my intent to hurt anyone -- I've thought long about who to ask and was even dealing with anxiety about asking them -- and I even apologized to her. She later told me that she's going to look at our friendship differently... and mind you, this is not the first time she has told me something like this.

While I understand her disappointment and hurt, I'm very shocked and also disappointed that she mainly looked at the title rather than the main reason as to why I asked her to be in my bridal party. When I started thinking about my bridal party, I wasn't thinking about "ranks" or anything. Just that I love them all so dearly and that I wanted them to be there with me. I haven't responded to her last message (being the friendship one) due to not really knowing what to say. I'm keeping some distance from her until she (hopefully) comes around. I would like for her to still be a part of my wedding as I love her dearly and wanted nothing more than my closest friends to be there next to me.

Apologies for the long post, but any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all for at least listening (or reading).

9 Comments

Latest activity by Faith, on May 7, 2024 at 12:02 AM
  • Heather
    Dedicated October 2024
    Heather ·
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    I don't have any great advice on this, only wanted to say I feel for you. The amount of upset people who are not the wedding couple feel about someone else's wedding seems to get to ridiculous levels, and they could all stand to check their entitlement and feel grateful for any honor, to be completely honest.

    I think you should make her guestbook attendant.

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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    Oof, that’s tough. I’m sorry she’s making it so hard for you! It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. I wouldn’t keep apologizing or honestly even respond to her last email because everything has been said. Just keep treating her as a friend the same way you always have and let her deal with her own feelings.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    She’s behaving like a spoiled child. That said, I can understand how she might have felt when you told her you considered but ultimately rejected the idea of making her MOH. Contrary to the idea that it’s considerate to give someone a heads up, it’s never polite to tell someone you aren’t giving them an honor. So while her behavior has been less than admirable I think you opened yourself up to some negative feelings from the beginning, regardless of what she told you at the time.


    If you were this conflicted it seems to me the obvious solution would have been to make them co-MOH or have everyone be equal as bridesmaids. Unless there is one clear and obvious choice, I personally dislike the idea of ranking friends. The threats to your friendship would have me thinking differently about her at this point, though.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle Online ·
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    Many people in real life don’t act like this and they respect your decision. Some social circles don’t place that level of pressure on the friendship that they would equate a one day role with how close you both are to the degree that whatever you decide makes or breaks the future of the friendship on their end. And they don’t feel that the friendship is at risk if they are not chosen for anything above a regular guest and some women actually prefer to not be a bridesmaid, so there is that too, even though you never hear about it because it doesn’t involve drama.


    If someone is threatening to end the friendship, believe them and let them go. They don’t value you at that point as a real friend. Don’t play the middle school mean girl games. Stick to your innermost closest support group and the rest don’t fit in. This woman has shown her true colors and she doesn’t respect or support you so let the friendship end and don’t include her as a bridesmaid.
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  • E
    Rockstar August 2023
    Elly ·
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    I think you have handled this with class. Frankly, I do agree with the comment that CM made (above) that she is behaving like a spoiled child.

    It is an honor to be in a wedding party, regardless if you are the MOH or not. What would have happened if say, you had a sister that you weren't as close with as your friends, but made them (your sibling) the MOH instead out of respect to family? I can understand some slight feelings of disappointment, but I feel that if she were truly your friend, she wouldn't really talk to you about it because she would want you to be happy, and want your wedding to go smoothly.

    Having said that, I don't feel that you should rely or trust her to carry out wedding plans even if she did, "come around". Her comments make me feel that she is trying to guilt trip you or potentially gas light you. Bringing up, "everything I've done for you" should let you know that favors from her come with strings attached. It is a toxic, narcissistic, and entitled way to think. How is this going to play out when you are committing your life to your spouse, and your spouse will come before ALL of your friends?

    Be prepared that she may never come around, and that this is a bridge that ultimately she chose to burn. If necessary, cut her off from the wedding party. Do not blame yourself, and do let yourself grieve. It is a sad thing to realize that someone didn't have your best interests at heart as you are planning a milestone moment. At least you got to see their true colors beforehand.

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  • H
    Just Said Yes March 2026
    Hannah ·
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    Ew. She sounds like she’s being incredibly selfish and manipulative. This is about you and your partner, anyone invited into the inner fold should feel loved and lucky NOT entitled to more. SMH. I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with this.
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  • Gracie
    Just Said Yes September 2025
    Gracie ·
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    Hey girl, this is YOUR day. and in my opinion, anyone that makes you feel this way is so selfish and you deserve better from your friend. i would simply express how much this has hurt you and the friendship, and uninvite all together. the last thing you need is negativity not only leading up to your day but on your day.
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  • Felicia
    Felicia ·
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    This is your day your special moment and that should not be something you have to worry about. Any adult who feels that way needs to be reassessed because something is clearly mentally wrong. As adults we shouldn’t have to explain to other adults a decision that was made. The actual friendship may need to be evaluated and possibly not even in the wedding.
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  • F
    Just Said Yes November 2027
    Faith ·
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    Your friend is selfish. She shouldn't even be hurt by it, you should tell her to be grateful you even picked her to be one of your bridesmaids.
    In my opinion. She needs to be quiet, and stop acting like a pouty 5 year old child. Anyways.
    It's your wedding. You do what you want, girl.
    I hope it goes well and I hope you and your husband have a happy marriage, til death do you part.
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