Bride with social anxiety has questions

1. That would not be weird at all to hold your husband's hands during the ceremony! That's what I ended up doing for most of our ceremony, except for during the vows, I held on to my vow book.

2. I had my engagement ring on my left hand, took it off right before the ring exchange, and put it back on as soon as my husband put my wedding band on my hand. You could also put your engagement ring on your right hand for the entire ceremony, or leave it on your left hand and just switch the order of the rings after the ceremony. There aren't really any rules for how to handle this, so whatever makes the most sense to you works!

3. We took photos during cocktail hour, so I had my bouquet with me the whole time. I carried it into the reception during our entrance, but otherwise placed it in a vase on our table for the rest of the reception. If you're attending cocktail hour and don't want to carry it with you the whole time, you could set it at your table place setting (and pick it up before your entrance into the reception).

4. We walked in when announced, waved, did a quick toast with everyone, and then sat down for dinner and speeches. After walking in, you could immediately do your first dance, or serve dinner, or do speeches, etc.

5. I had my right hand holding his hand and my left hand on his arm/shoulder during our first dance, but I don't think it really matters which way you go with. If you're more comfortable switching hands and putting your right hand on his shoulder, go for it!

I also struggle with social anxiety, and my biggest fear was walking down the aisle. We had a pretty short aisle since we had a smaller wedding, which helped, but my husband walked down the aisle with me, which helped even more. The grand entrance also stressed me out a little, but we made it short and quickly transitioned to dinner so that we weren't in the spotlight for too long. We also skipped the bouquet and garter tosses, and cut our cake with just us, our photographer, and videographer there (rather than cutting it in front of everyone).

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Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! This is so helpful. I'm also definitely not doing the garter/bouquet toss (not a fan, even if I had any single friends left lol)

A small worry stone or rubbing stone could be something to have with you. Maybe glue a string to it so you don't worry about dropping it. Of course, holding each others hands is the best option.

Social anxiety is a lot more prevalent than people realize or acknowledge. Be aware that you are not alone and thousands if not millions of people experience it.


To answer your questions:
1) do what feels natural because there is no right or wrong. Some brides hold the bouquet until the ring exchange, and others hold their partner’s hand.
2) leave the engagement ring where it is. Despite popular belief, many people don’t have similar finger sizes so they can’t switch it to the other hand without it falling off. Switch the ring order after the ceremony.
3) we’ve never seen the bride do anything with the bouquet during cocktail hour except stick it in a vase.
4) social media and vendor websites lead people to believe that activities are either done in all social circles or none at all, which is not representative of real life. In our social circles, the couple is never announced at the beginning of the reception/cocktail hour because all the same guests immediately came from the ceremony where the couple was already announced. We didn’t want the extra attention/spotlight of walking in awkwardly for a redundant announcement so we skipped it and all guests thanked us for not having one.
5) ignore whatever you see in other people’s videos and social media. Do whatever is natural for you

Other people have given a lot of great advice to your questions. Also know that if you're anxious about some of these elements, especially in front of a crowd, you can do them privately or not at all. Our first dance was private (except the photographer) and I know lots of couples who did their vows in private.

Be aware that some jurisdictions require vows to be spoken aloud as part of the ceremony in order for it to be legal. You can share a sentimental love letter privately and then exchange standard promises during the ceremony in a repeating format.

1. Holding hands is sweet and I’ve seen it done before.
2. Either leave it on your ring finger or have it in a safe place before the ceremony where you can grab it later.
3. You might consider putting your bouquet back in a vase of water if you want to save it to be pressed or put it in resin for decor. The bouquet toss is optional and is becoming less common these days.4. You don’t have to be announced but if you are, just hold his hand and smile. As someone with social anxiety, I always feel like a dork waving. Am I doing it like in Princess Diaries? Or do I seem like an exuberant 5 yo? I just avoid waving whenever possible.5. Right hand in his hand, left hand on shoulder. Highly recommend doing some dance lessons. Don’t do anything choreographed, just learn some basic steps together do that you’ll feel more comfortable dancing in front of other people.

I think I can get this correct ... but neurofeedback is used in a fashion to decrease social anxiety if someone is willing to find a professional who utilizes that technology. I think this is especially needed for people who simply cannot function in large crowds, not for people who maybe are just "awkward" in crowds.

There was one bride mentioned here that did not want a ceremony but her fiancé wanted one. The interesting option was to have the wedding ceremony alongside a family reunion of the groom. In that way, there was not so much focus on her. I don't know that this idea can help for the original post though.