bride with bridesmaids getting ready in colorful dresses

Photo: Anna Gomes Photography

If you’re engaged, you’re lucky to have a whole team of people to turn to when you need wedding planning help. From your wedding party, to your family, to, duh!, your spouse-to-be (who should be training for becoming your go-to helper-outer for the rest of your life), you’ve got tons of support. It’s simply a matter of choosing the correct people to lend a hand with each task, because, yes, they really do have different responsibilities in your wedding!

Confused about who, exactly, to turn to when you need wedding planning help? Keep reading.

Budget Woes: Fiancé(e)

The only person with whom you should be discussing and strategizing the nitty gritty of your wedding finances is the person you’re marrying and paying for your wedding with (parents included, if they’re helping). It can be tempting to complain about the cost of your floral concept to your bridesmaid besties for hours on end, but it’s not the best form. And while I’m the first to shout from the rooftops that we as a society need to be way more open about money, that’s when it comes to salary equality, not wedding budget whining. Trust me: Even your MOH will tire of your late-night musings about whether or not you should expand your honeymoon budget. People who aren’t getting married won’t really be able to relate or offer great advice anyway, since budgeting for a wedding is a totally unique animal. And finally, friends and fam are meant to enjoy your wedding, not stress with you about how you’re paying for it! (This is sort of archaic and unfair but you’ll be glad this rule exists when your wedding is over and you never have to think about your budget—or anyone else’s!—again.)

Bridesmaid Drama: MOH

The rule for wrangling your bridesmaids is not unlike dealing with conflict in any other organized part of life: Take it to the top! In this case, take it to the MOH. That’s one of her duties (please send her my apologies) and trust me, she’s game! Rather than dealing with the problem yourself, as a stressed out, emotionally maxed-out bride, or complaining to your fiancé, who probably doesn’t know your ‘maids nearly as well as you do, collect yourself, figure out what the problem is and how it can best be solved with minimum damage, and kindly ask your MOH to nip it! Another benefit, besides you being free to carry on with other wedding planning duties while it’s happening, is that if the drama doesn’t involve you, it won’t end up involving you by you trying to fix it. Also, everyone listens to the MOH, because they know she’s your right hand—and no one wants to upset the bride!

bride with parents

Photo: Brittany Leigh Photography

Mother-in-Law Frustrations: Mom

Barring any major fall-out with your future mother-in-law during the wedding planning process, she should hopefully do no worse than slightly annoy you every now and then—something you shouldn’t necessarily be bringing up with your fiancé(e) all the time. The thing about mothers is, we all are very into talking about how obnoxious ours can be, but no one wants to hear anyone else talk about how obnoxious ours can be—this is especially true for the person you’re marrying. For the sake of your impending marriage, please do not spend the months leading up to your wedding ragging on your fiancé(e)’s mom. If she’s driving you nuts, decompress with your mom, dad, aunt or someone else in your family who is genetically indebted to you—chances are, one of these folks has probably had a mother-in-law before, and they know all the finer points of navigating a relationship with one. Save yourself the fight with your fiancé(e) and take your mother-in-law grumbling to the folks who are always on your side.

Party Planning Probs: Bridesmaids

From your engagement party to your bachelorette to your shower, your bride tribe has the ultimate responsibility (if they choose to accept it) of planning all the parties that lead up to your wedding day. It’s technically their only “job” as your ‘maids, besides preceding you down the aisle, and it’s my position that you should relinquish as much control as possible to them when it comes to planning these parties. These gals are your friends, and they’ll be looking for any way possible to provide wedding planning help you as you wade through millions of tasks. Getting these parties planned without you having to worry about them is the perfect task everyone will enjoy pitching in on. And, no, these parties really should not be left up to your partner to plan, or you alone, or even your family (although fam sometimes does jump in with the bridal party when it comes to engagement party planning and/or bridal shower planning). So start that bridesmaid email chain already!

Writer’s Block while Working on Vows: Fiancé(e)

Sure your vows should be a wedding day surprise for your soon-to-be-spouse, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tap into one another’s love for… well, one another… while your vows are still under construction. Brainstorming with your fam and bridesmaids can be helpful, but no one can inspire you like the person you’re actually marrying! If you’re feeling stuck schedule a vow writing work-session with your betrothed to help get your wheels turning. Talk about your favorite memories together, your hopes and dreams for the future, the moments you knew you were both the ones for one another. This is a conversation you can’t share with anyone else in the world, so make sure to take advantage of it while you can!

Overall Wedding Stress Overdrive: Best Friend

It doesn’t matter if your best friend is also your MOH or your mom, or just happens to be your fiancé(e), when you’re at your wit’s end and need wedding planning help, just grab whoever that person is to you and decompress. It’s essential to let those feelings of stress and frustration out with the person you love and trust the most and not keep them bottled up! So go ahead, grab that BFF and a bottle of wine, and do what you need to do! Trust me, whoever this person is, they’ll be waiting to answer your call!