couple holding love sign engagement photo

Photo: Jenelle Kappe Photography

An engagement party kicks off the many celebrations that come before your wedding. It’s a great time to get family members and friends together to raise a glass to you and your future spouse, and meet each other in the process. Avoid sticky situations by following this engagement party etiquette advice.

Here's what NOT to do when it comes to an engagement party.

Assume one set of parents will host
Traditionally, the bride’s parents host the engagement party, but these days, anything goes—from the groom’s parents hosting to a group of friends or other family members taking the reins. Some couples even have two (or more!) engagement parties if each partner’s families are from completely different parts of the country or world. And if you want to host your own engagement party, go for it – many couples like to host their own casual gatherings with friends to celebrate.

Invite people you know won't be invited to the wedding
For the most part, guests will likely assume that if they’re invited to the engagement party, they’re invited to the wedding. Be sure to discuss the guest list with the hosts before sending out invitations – you’ll want to make sure that everyone is in agreement about the invitation list both for this pre-wedding party, and the actual wedding.

Think you will—or won't—receive gifts
Guests don’t have to bring gifts to engagement parties—and it’s not proper etiquette to directly ask for gifts. In fact, many couples prefer to have a “no gifts” policy to take the pressure off their guests. However, you should expect that at least some people will want to bring gifts to the party, so set up your registry and wedding website beforehand in case they’d like to purchase a present for you.

Make things too formal
Here’s the thing. If your and your spouse’s families don’t know each other well, things may be a little awkward – and that’s okay. By keeping the atmosphere super-relaxed (think: backyard BBQ or casual eatery), guests will feel more comfortable mixing and mingling with each other.

Save your parents' first meeting for the party
If you and your future spouse’s parents haven’t met yet, try to schedule their meeting for before the engagement party – even if it’s the night before or morning of. Choose a quiet restaurant (it’s neutral territory, as opposed to someone’s house) so that everyone can talk in a peaceful setting – both parties will appreciate it.

Play loud music
Unless you’re having a rager with just your best friends, save the dancing for your wedding. The goal of your engagement parties is to allow people to talk and actually hear one another, so avoid hosting the party at a very loud restaurant or playing super-loud music during the festivities.

Be shy
For the first hour or so, your engagement party may look like a high school dance – one family on one side, the other’s family on the other side. It’s up to you and your future spouse to introduce people and encourage mingling. For example, “Uncle Pat, you and Brian’s Grandpa Frank are both big Colts fans – you two should talk!” It may feel a little awkward at first, but just go with it. Before you know it, both families will be chatting it up like old friends!

Forget to send thank-you notes
Everyone who attends the engagement party – whether they brought a gift or not – should receive a handwritten thank-you note for attending. And it’s a nice gesture to write a note (and perhaps buy a small gift) for the hosts, as well – always a good idea to start things off on the right foot, etiquette-wise!