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Have to send invites to those you know can't attend?
If you've sent out "save the date" cards and some guests have told you they are certain they cannot attend, do you still have to send them the formal invitation?

mimi99
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 6
Posted On: Aug 1, 2008 at 3:00 PM | Vendors are allowed | Add to My Watchlist | Flag As Inappropriate

8 Answers This question is closed for answers.


Married: 07/21/2007
Aug 02, 2008 at 12:32 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I don't think you would have to, but it would be good etiquette to do it anyway because two things can happen here: 1). they might change their mind or something may fall through where they actually can attend your wedding at last minute and 2). I can tell you from experience.. even if they have said they aren't going to attend there will be hurt feelings if they don't get an invitation and they know anyone else who did. I know it's a little expensive and feels like it is not worth it I'd still do it.

Married: 10/18/2008
Reviews: 10
Aug 06, 2008 at 12:45 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with the first poster, if they already told you they can't make it, don't spend the money on the invitations and postage just to have them re-tell you they can't come. Send an announcement right after the wedding -- that way, it also doesn't look like you're gift-grubbing (since etiquette says you should send a gift to a wedding you're invited to, even if you can't go). We're not inviting some of my extended family because we know they can't come due to age/health reasons, and we don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift. We're just going to send an announcement afterward.

That said, if there are a few people you're really, really close to who you know can't make it, I'd send those invites anyway just so they don't feel snubbed (and cuz if they're really close to you, they probably want to see your invitations!). But if it's Great Aunt Myrtle and the 15 cousins you haven't seen since you were 5, I'd think the announcement would be fine.

Married: 05/01/2009
Reviews: 5
Aug 13, 2008 at 3:27 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Formal etiquette requires that every person who receives a save the date receive an invitation. By not sending an invitation you are basically saying "Since you already told me you're not coming, I'm replacing you with someone else." Really not the feel good, polite approach when planning a celebration with all your loved ones. If your wedding is a casual affair, it may be less of an issue though still not entirely the customary thing to do.
Aug 01, 2008 at 3:09 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
To be courteous you can send them a formal invite, but at the same token you already know they aren't going to be at the event. I would suggest that you send them an announcement that will have a picture of you and your then husband just telling people that you did tie the knot. People that couldn't attend would have a picture of the lovely couple just feel warm and fuzzy b/c you thought of them. FYI...that doesn't mean that the person without the formal invite will not send a picture. Usually you will still get gifts from announcements.
Aug 01, 2008 at 3:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You don't have to but it would be a nice gesture (some people save invitations as a keepsake). Not to mention you don't want them to feel univited or left out when other people they know will be receiving the invitaiton and talking about it (some people will be sensitive about that). Also their plans may change and if not the invitation will be a reminder to send you and your fiance a gift if they are intending to.

Married: 07/03/2009
Reviews: 10
Aug 01, 2008 at 3:22 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I wished I didnt...though it is still proper etiqutte to do so. I have family I know DARN WELL aint goin on a plane to my wedding, but I still want them to know they were just as invited as someone else.

Married: 07/06/2007
Reviews: 5
Aug 01, 2008 at 3:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think if they knew you were going to invite them to the wedding, and they tell you they wont make it before you even send out the invites...its for a reason. They probably are telling you so that you can save some postage or even try to find other guests to invite. I would send them an announcement. But, if they tell you in advance Im sure they are telling you for that reason.
Aug 16, 2008 at 2:22 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
They should still receive an invitation. Plans change.

Teri Davis Newman & Jacqueline Godwin
Exquisite Events Elegantly Executed
12840 North Ridge Drive
Highland, IL 62249 (Metro St. Louis area)
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