Olive Photography
Olive Photography

Whether you’re new to the bride-to-be club or you’ve been engaged for a while, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that you get the same questions and bad wedding advice from well-wishers quite often: “What are your wedding colors going to be?,” “Have you picked out your dress?,” “Did you set a date?,” “You’ll be the most beautiful bride ever!” It’s a nice (if a little repetitive) way for people in your life to show they care! But some people (and brands, and beyond!) go a step further with the broken record routine in a slightly less harmless way. Like repeating the same tired, overarching assessments and not-very-helpful pieces of “advice” over and over again that at best don’t apply to you at all and at worst make you even more stressed out than you were originally.

Here are a few examples of bad wedding advice people and brands need to stop telling brides, like, yesterday.

“You should try to be a unique bride, not like every other bride.”

Ah yes, because as soon as you get engaged, the government sends you a bride-in-a-box kit that you’re forced to use unless you check the “unique bride” bubble on your tax forms. Seriously, there has never been a bride that has made the exact same wedding decisions as one before her, so why do people act like all brides are exactly the same until one piece of trite advice empowers them to step boldly against the grain and go veil-free/skip the bouquet toss/wear a pink dress/whatever? People, please stop saying this to brides. If your bride is a human being, they are unique by design. Next!

“You should just skip the wedding and put that money toward a down payment!”

This piece of bad wedding advice is so clutch when offered to an adult who has already decided in partnership with another adult to plan a wedding. The amount of personal finance experts that come out of the woodwork when you’re wedding planning, let me tell you! We get it people: Weddings are expensive. Not everyone thinks they are worth the money. Some people would rather buy a house with that money. What matters is that you, the bride, and your partner, have clearly chosen to plan a wedding, pay for it however you damn well please, and not seek financial counsel from a random coworker. What ever happened to good old “Congratulations?”

“For chill brides only!”

This is a favorite line of the new crop of designers and wedding industry brands who have emerged catering to the “anti-bride.” You know, that totally cool (fictional) gal who just never gets stressed or moody even while planning a really high-stakes event (impossible) and also goes with the flow even though 20 people are barking down her neck (yeah, right) and somehow plans a perfectly beautiful, on-trend wedding without spending more than 10 minutes ever even bothering to think about “wedding stuff.” (Not a thing.) I hate the chill bride myth not only because there is no such thing as a totally chill bride (same as how there is no such thing as a totally chill person—brides, like all humans, contain multitudes!) but also because it makes any relatively chill person feel instantly less chill. You can be as even-keeled a bride as ever, and then as soon as you hear a line like “For chill brides only!” you’ll suddenly feel your heart rate shoot up and your blood start to boil. Nothing like a nonexistent ideal of perfection to remind you of all the ways you’re imperfect! Anyway, down with the “chill bride.”

“It’s YOUR day!”

OK, so, it is basically your and your partner’s day, yes, this is true, and a good thing for you to remember, but at the same time, the very nature of a wedding is that it’s a celebration involving lots of other people. And when someone (or some subject line in an email from a caterer…) gives you the bad wedding advice that “it’s your day,” it can be super frustrating. Because… no. You’re feeding dozens of people. And providing them with alcohol. You’re paying tons of people tons of money in order to make a party hospitable to tons of other people. You’re also considering the feelings of a handful of very important people (e.g., parents and other close family) as you make your decisions. All of these people swirling around in your head are usually the root of most wedding stress meltdowns. So, sure it’s technically your day, but unless you’re a sociopath (which, if you are, you probably shouldn’t be getting married), you’ll be considering the emotions and preferences of others anyway. That’s what brides do. (P.S., Imagine the bridezilla accusations that’d be tossed your way if you actually said to anyone, “It’s my day!” Lol.)

“Weddings suck.”

Some alternative wedding brands have embraced this ironic credo as their manifestos, but you also might hear it from one of your most anti-wedding pals. Hating weddings really is part of some people’s identities these days! (Insert shrugging, “I-give-up” emoji here.) Anyway, this whole theme needs to be put to bed. First of all, all weddings are different, so they can’t all suck for the same reasons. Secondly, planning one is a lot of work, and most of that work goes into making sure guests have a good time—sort of the opposite of making sure the guest hates the wedding. So why would anyone feel compelled to tell a bride that they feel weddings suck? Weddings do not suck—they are really fun parties with lots of food, drinking and dancing involved. And good fashion. They are fun! People who think they suck are just making things so much more frustrating and negative for couples planning their big day—not to mention, overshadowing what weddings are really about (celebrating love!). Consider doing these people a favor when planning your own sucky wedding—and not inviting them. (Insert winking emoji here.)