Are there any other brides unsure of WHEN you are getting married?
Good evening ladies, its been awhile since I've visited WW because honestly it was just too hard to after my fiance decided he wanted to hit the breaks on our wedding planning. It took me awhile but I finally got to a point where I THOUGH I was ok with waiting. But today I realized Im really not.

An old friend of mine called me today because she heard the news from another old friend that I'm getting married and was more than shocked to hear to who. So while playing catch up she asked the million dollar question. "so when's the wedding" and after giving her the long story of how it WAS May 12th of next year and NOW I honestly don't have a f**king clue WHEN.... it hit me that nope Im not ok with this at all.

Its really been hitting me all weekend for a number of reasons but I've been trying to push it to the back of my mind so we don't end up arguing about it. Yesterday was supposed to be the day of our engagement party and my mother just couldnt leave well enough alone by **cont**

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
Posted On: May 22, 2011 at 8:38 PM • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 8:43 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
calling and reminding me. Although it broke my heart I didn't say anything at first. Then while me and him were out yesterday running errands, we happened to end up next to a place where a wedding reception was going on and I found myself wiping tears so I knew then I wasn't ok with HIS decision to put this off.

Then today when my friend called it just put me in a really ugly place about the whole thing. I've made it through today but tomorrow Im almost certain Im gonna be in a funk because I was SUPPOSED to be going to get fitted for my dress then.

I really want him to know that I'm NOT OK with this waiting. At times it makes me feel like singing Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta song "THE RING DIDN"T MEAN A THING" but deep in my heart I know thats not true.... its just all so frustrating to NOT know when.

Is anybody else engagement a cliffhanger?

pink
Married: 09/17/2011
May 22, 2011 at 8:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Have you told him how you feel? What is his reason for wanting to wait? Do you have any children together?

Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 8:58 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Sorry sweetheart...this sounds challenging...but I agree with Pink...you need to tell him how you feel.

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ pink
Have you told him how you feel? Yes & No. When he first said he wanted to wait we had a huge fight about it. I'm not sure if my feelings really came across clearly because I was yelling like a mad woman. So IDK if hes thinks that was all just apart of the argument or what

What is his reason for wanting to wait? He's given me several different reasons. First was money... so I met that argument with we DON'T have to have this huge over the top wedding. We can go to the courthouse but he says thats not what he wants. He wants me to have "the wedding of my dreams".... whereas I don't really care about the wedding.... I want what comes AFTER the wedding.... the rest of my life as his wife. Then recently he told me he froze up after talking "marriage" with some other guys. He wont get into the full extent of that conversation so I can only imagine.

Do you have any children together? No we don't. neither of us have children

Ryan
Married: 03/10/2012
May 22, 2011 at 9:06 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Have you asked why he proposed if he doesn't want to get married?

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:07 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Terri P. I've been thinking that all day. I need to really sit down and talk to him about what I'm feeling. But honestly at this point, I don't know how. I know that I'm gonna get 1000% emotional and usually when I get that way, my words don't come out how I want them to (Im a work in progress). And I guess I've been avoiding TALKING about it because I don't want it to turn into a fight.....or him to feel like im pressuring him if that makes sense.

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:11 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Ryan T. That was the first question i asked. He's held my heart for a loooooon time (19 years to be exact!.... its a looooong complicated story) and when we got back together although I was already picturing forever with him I never pushed for it. Didn't hint at it or anything. HE decided he wanted to do this and went and got the ring. I was "ok" with where we were at UNTIL he took it to this point.

He said when he asked me to marry him he did so because HE wants to spend FOREVER with me..... and he still does. He just doesnt want to do when we originally planned to.... which to me doesnt make sense

pink
Married: 09/17/2011
May 22, 2011 at 9:16 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I really don't know what to suggest. If it were me, I would probably have a heart to heart conversation. If he still had the same feelings, I would have to be with someone who wanted to me be with me on the same level I wanted. Being that this is your situation, you have to find what works best for you. Sometimes it takes us walking out of the door for them to "man up".

Married: 09/01/2012
May 22, 2011 at 9:26 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
So sorry MrsSam2012. My FH has had the marriage talk with some of his friends who are married. Im 35 and hes 43. This is the first marriage for both of us. His friends who are married have told him not to do it. I simply responded with you know me. You know I got your back and that I have his best interest at heart. When he asked me to marry him Feb10 he was not in a hurry to set a date. One day I said to myself if I dont take charge and set a date, we would just be engaged forever lol!! He tried to come with the money talk and like I told him together we can handle that. There's really no easy solution to your problem because you dont want to pressure him and then have him resent you. Maybe you can set another date a little farther out. Ask him what if you move the date back 6 months or a year?

Puffins
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:34 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well, I'm in a kind of similar situation, but not by FH's choice. He proposed 1/1 this year, and we just this weekend finally looked at venues. Almost 5 months later.

It does kind of feel painful when people ask when it is, or why we haven't picked a date. Sometimes it even feels like certain friends are almost mocking us, because FH is a groomsmen in two weddings that are going down ASAP. We just aren't in a place to plan, given that we live in separate cities (1ish more year of this left) and he is being encouraged to make other purchases before spending on a wedding. He wants to sell his car, get a new-to-him car, look for a house, but also wants to look for a new place to work. It's just all up in the air, and it's embarrassing/frustrating. I haven't had the nerve yet to ask "so why did you propose in January if you knew you had all of these other decisions/purchases to come first."

(cont)
Edited On: May 22, 2011 at 9:43 PM

Puffins
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:38 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Hopefully you can talk with him logically and get to the bottom of it.

Do you have a budget set out for the wedding? Have you used the budget tool here? I put in our original budget (I wanted very affordable by today's standards, $2k) and it gave me a rough idea of how much I could spend on the venue, food, etc. Maybe if you print out a budget and such, you can show him how far you can stretch a small amount of money to have everything you want?

Have you shown him some inspiration pics you have with the price tags? For example, if you want a very affordable dress, can you print out an image of what you like and show him that it's reasonable? I think if he see's "the wedding of your dreams" and puts a price tag on it that you know you can afford, he'll be more inclined to move forward.

Good luck hun

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 22, 2011 at 9:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Elizabeth T. Thanks for the advice. Maybe I will start with date pushback and see where that goes. I decided I'm gonna take the time tomorrow and write him a letter (I express myself better that way) and I'll ask him then.

And Im almost sure the conversation he had consisted of THEM telling HIM don't do it. And I can only imagine what else they said. Before this we had a great relationship, still do until days like today when Im finding myself trying to sort through "what happened to 5.12.2012".

But Im gonna make sure I include asking about a year later in my letter. I think if I KNEW how long off he was talking I would feel better about this. I understand it can be scary, this is my second marriage (his first) and honestly I have fears also.... not to the extent where a "forever engagement" has ever crossed my mind. I guess its different for men. But this is something we are definitely gonna have to get to the bottom of because I hate feeling like this.

Married: 09/01/2012
May 22, 2011 at 9:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Well good luck and keep us posted. I can really imagine how you feel because the other day he was like this wedding planning is too much and I got to thinking Im doing all the planning. I made the mistake of telling him all he had to do was show up,so anytime I have to ask him a question he gets all stressed. Im thinking to myself what are you stressed for, Im making all the decisions lol, but for the most part he is good about it. Just give him some time. My FH was actually the one to suggest an engagement party I couldnt believe, but I jumped right on the planning for it. He mention it in Feb11 and we had it March26,2011. So you are really going to have to be patient if this is what you want!!

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 23, 2011 at 10:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Elizabeth T. Thanks and I will. I wrote the letter to him late last night and stuck it in his lunch bag as a substitute for his daily "love note" so by noon today he will be reading my thoughts. When i was writing it I started thinking about some of the things you said in your last comment and now THAT has me wondering did I personally scare him away from the idea with my "wedding talk". When we got engaged he made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with the planning. He doesnt care about the flowers, the decorations, what color dresses I want the whole gang in.... just give him the time and date and tell him what color suit to wear and when the checks need to be mailed. And I can admit, although I agreed to handle the planning myself, I did constantly keep running to him with EVERYTHING because I felt like he should be apart of this.... and have some of the same stress I did. So idk. I just hope my letter gets through to him and we can sit down and talk more about WHEN soon.

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 23, 2011 at 10:18 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
@ Anna B. Thanks for the advice and yes we started out with a budget but it wasn't set in stone. We discussed it and came up with a figure, but once I got started with the actual planning, that figure was changing about once a week... and he's mostly to blame for that. Like with the venue for instance, my grandmother suggested we get married at her church and then use a community center for the reception.... that was about a thousand dollars total and that was the plan. Then I went to a bridal show at another place and that venue is also available for weddings etc. I made mention of how beautiful it was and showed him some of the pictures we took their and then his next question was "Be honest, do you want to have the wedding there" and I was honest and told him it would be NICE but its expensive so Im ok..... well he came back two days later with "GO FOR IT" which pushed the budget UP. and this happened MORE than once.

Im not a materialistic person, and again while **cont**

MrsSam2012
Married: 1+ year ago
May 23, 2011 at 10:19 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I was excited about the wedding, I'm more concerned with what comes after..... our new life together as husband and wife.

Married: 08/13/2011
Reviews: 5
May 23, 2011 at 10:26 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
MrsSam2012..I too was in your shoes the end of last yr. FH came to me in Dec & said he wanted to wait/push the date back. Our org date was set for 5/21/11 (this past Sat). Deposits were made out, invitations were printed when he had told me this. I was VERY heartbroken b/c I felt as if he was breaking up what we were trying to build together. I wasn't happy at all w/ his decision, & I voiced my concerns as well. It wasn't just the money part, he was scared of the entire "marriage" & wondering if he would be a good husband/father, etc. We had a communication brake down & a host of other things going on that I didn't realize we had issues to work on before the big jump. I had to realize this & when I did I wasn't mad at his decision anymore. We have since gotten back into pre-martial counseling & it has helped us out a GREAT DEAL...We have learned so much more about each other & our relationship has become stronger for it. Would ur FH be willing to try counseling?

countrybride*H*
Married: 04/28/2012
May 23, 2011 at 10:27 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Let me give you a little bit of advice/what I do when I get so upset and I know I need to tell someone something and it won't come out right. I sit down and write a letter to the person (I've done this with my mom before b/c we butt heads ALL the time and when we both get mad things NEVER come out right and hurtful things are often said) and write out how I feel and then give it to them and tell them to go read it and come back to me when their done so we can talk it out. I know it sounds dumb, but that way, even if you have to re-do it a few times, you will eventually get everything in order and what needs to be said will be put out in the open. Past that let him know that what matters most to you is being married to him period and then tell him that you understand that he wants you to have a wedding, that's how my FH is, he knows the last thing I want to do is go to the courthouse I know he won't be able to give me the wedding I've always dreamed of, but I'm ok with that cont

countrybride*H*
Married: 04/28/2012
May 23, 2011 at 10:29 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
as long as I get to have some sort of a wedding to where we confess our love and the lifetime commitment infront of our family and friends and I will be married to him and that's what I will get in the end and that's all I care about. Try telling him that and she if that changes his mind on waiting. Good luck and keep us posted!

countrybride*H*
Married: 04/28/2012
May 23, 2011 at 10:35 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Money could truely be the issue here too, when me and FH first got engaged, we had orginally set our date for May 21 (this past saturday) and after a month or so after we were engaged I told him I thought we should push it back like 5 or 6 months becasue of financial issues and he first took it as I was getting cold feet and I didn't want to marry him when that was NEVER the case, I just thought it would be smarter to have more money for everything. It took him a month or so to finally realize money was the only reason I wanted to wait 5 or 6 months but when he finally did he agreed with me. But yoru situation seems to be more of your FH being concerned about you not having the wedding of your dreams, which is very considerate of him, he just needs to know that all you want is to be married to him and that yes (if you really really want an actual wedding) a wedding is important to you it doens't have to be a 20k affair by any means, you would be just as happy having a 5k wedding cont
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