Sex in our vows?

Care for one another and not cheat. That’s basically it. If a marriage is to last, these are the basic requirements. If you HAVE to do something (obey, sex 2x a week, serve him breakfast in bed 1x a week, etc) the relationship will eventually fail. Because these are not things that can necessarily be kept for 50+ years. If you are both, in fact, requiring these ridiculous vows, then you are not ready to get married at all, IMHO.

So you can try to push this off as: we aren’t comfortable talking about sex, and maybe that will make you feel better, but sweetie, that is not the case for me and I’m sure for a lot of the other ladies that have posted here. You, actually, sound immature and also naïve. You asked our opinion and the answer was a resounding IT’S TACKY! The end.

Not here to defend yourself but you just got really defensive. YOU asked US what WE thought. And boy did we tell you!

I 100% agree with Brandy Y. Certain things that may and or may not be uncontrollable should be left out of vows for the simple fact that if one cannot uphold them the other one will probably hold it against them. When you have to put things like sex in vows it means you're already having issues with it and don't feel like you'll be satisfied, which is really not something to vow, but something to discuss and figure out how it can get better or what you can work on.

And you know, how many times a week doesn't make it spicy at all. My ex liked sex a ton but in five years I never once had an orgasm with him at all.

First, it's defend, not defined. Second, I'm with Jen and the others. DH and I were and are extremely open to talk about sex but my dad sure as hell would not want to hear it in the wedding vows. It's doesn't matter how old you are or how comfortable YOU are with talking about it, your family member will not want to hear it. So do it if you want but it's extremely tacky, distasteful and quite honestly, disrespectful to your guests.

Honey, you asking us if you can ask him to screw you in your wedding vows in front of your family is over the top. Vowing in private is one thing but you are insane to think people want to hear that at a wedding. I'm done with this post. It's so fake its crazy. No one is this out of it. Lol And to suggest We are prudes when We are talking about sex in detail in your post cracks me up to no end. I talk about sex all the time. I watch sex related shows. It's an open diolog. You asked if We thought you could vow sex at a wedding. Yes its tacky, immature, and unneeded. Ok done now.

Ir really has nothing to do with how comfortable we are talking about sex. We've had multiple discussions about sex even here, where ladies openly shared all sorts of things. Let

alone with our SOs.

I do not have a need to reiterate after 8 pages that your friends and family do not have to listen about your sex life on your wedding day. So it doesn't matter if it's offensive to us - nobody was offended here - but your guests will be.

Finally, if you in fact, believe that relationship problems like difference in sex drive can be resolved by including them in the vows, I can tell you with absolute certainty that your marriage will fail.

Amen Mrs. S preach it sister. Lol

Wow are we in high school?..i just think name calling uncalled for. I think we all gave our opinions on it and she gets the point..no need to be mean.

if it really matters to you this much then how about using words like i promise to be attentive to all your needs..it sounds better and no one really needs to know exactly what you are talking about but you and fh will know..hope you stick around wedding wire and good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.

Wow. Yes some of the comments were over the too but I think they reflect the level of absurdity with which your question was viewed. Just saying.

LOL... I kept checking back to see when the troll suspicion would be confirmed

Well I figured we all knew it but someone had to at least post it

Pfft...the pic isn't even her?!

Um.... Kimi wasn't really Reese Witherspoon

and we have 2 Michelle Obamas....

and 2 Angelina Jolie profiles ......

I have PM'd this new member to welcome her to WW.

She said "thank you, but I don't think I will be staying"

If she is leaving --- I am leaving.

Juile ~ apologies for the ladies - we are a Crazy bunch, and I really hope you stay. There have been some real tips in this thread - and even some that gave you a welcome. Almost every one of us has had a thread that went out of control. I really hope you give us a 2nd try. This really is one of the best sites for wedding forums.

~ Congrats ~

I have refrained from posting until now, although I have been lurking.

I do hope you give us another try, Julie. Welcome to wedding wire. Not every topic you post will get positive responses on this board, but you will get honest ones. This thread is out of control at this point and if you really want it to end, you may delete it (I don't think anyone would be upset or hurt).

I hope that you stick around and try another post. I'd love to hear more about other parts of your wedding!

I wouldn't leave Juile!,lThere are many wonderful people here ( we aren't doing a good job of showing it right now) like I said before, yes the comments were over the top but people thought you were a troll or joking.

I can vouche that sometimes posting things that to others seem obsurd, can lead to some helpful critisizm (sp?). We all mean well, but sometimes when we post about something, we dont realize other view it completely differently. When I had my post about FH & my sex life, more than half the women nicely & even jokingly told me I was wrong. Ya know what? Turns out I WAS WRONG! It happens, but you've got to look deeper & see the reasoning why you feel so strongly about something. No I'm not saying you're shallow, but things like this? Sex is great yes Lust makes a good portion of a relationship, but it's not the whole thing. If you rely on just sex, how many times you do it, etc, you're relationship will fall apart! We are not trying to be mean or ofensive, but you've really got to analyze why sex in your vows is important. & never EVER forget, vows aren't just pretty words spoken to make the ceremony pretty. they are VOWS, OATHS of honor & love. Not to be taken lightly

Like a few others I've been reading the post but haven't commented yet. I do agree that some things were harsh but all in all I think the message is the same.

My concern is not if you decide to come back or not, my concern would be for your relationship with your FH.

I think it's great that you are open with your sex discussions, as that is a very important aspect to a relationship- but you asked if we thought it was appropriate, clearly we do not. It's not the fact that it's sex- it's the way that it comes across- which is have sex with me or the marriage is off.

Traditional vows say "for better or for worse" which, in my mind, includes being impotent. Seems a little contradictory for me...

@2D....Oh yes, I know the off the wall estates as well. It often amazes me what the monied will ask and pay.

Julie....You asked for opinions and that is what you received. I won't beg you to stay, however, I will tell you that on any forum, if you ask for an opinion, that is exactly what you will receive.

I agree with Carole M.'s post above.

I agree... poor taste, maybe something to be address privatly or in premarital counceling...

Whoa, lots of flagging going on today. Interesting that Sharron gets flagged for stating something factual about OPs avatar but OP doesn't get flagged for insinuating we are all prudes.

If you and your FH are asking each other to make very specific vows about behavior, then IMO you're entering into more of a contractual arrangement than a marriage. That's not a marriage where I would feel cherished and safe. But if that's what you both want, then more power to you. You've gotten the feedback you requested about whether saying it out loud is a good idea or a bad one.

I don't really get all the apologies, TBH. If you start a controversial thread and then walk away from it, people will assume you're not being serious. That's just the way it goes.

If you don't like people's comments, you're welcome to hide your thread and start another. People on WW are generally good-humored and have short memories. Start over with another topic and all will be right in the woods.