Sam
Master August 2024

How are you handling the holidays as a couple?

Sam, on November 12, 2018 at 2:05 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 58

The holiday season is a time to celebrate with family and loved ones! But, when there are two of you, there are two families to spend time with! How do you divide and conquer? Do you attend two Thanksgivings each year? Do you go to Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other? Or, do...

The holiday season is a time to celebrate with family and loved ones! But, when there are two of you, there are two families to spend time with! How do you divide and conquer?

Do you attend two Thanksgivings each year? Do you go to Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other? Or, do you choose to gather everyone in one house and host the holidays? How are you handling the holidays as a couple?

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Photo by A Tale Ahead Photography in Pacifica, CA

For more family matters, check out these community conversations: When did you meet the parents/family? Where did you draw the line on family? Would you rather... hand over complete planning control to your parents or your future in-laws?


58 Comments

  • Alexandra
    Super December 2018
    Alexandra ·
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    My FILs invited my immediate family to Thanksgiving last year and this year so that's what we will be doing. For Christmas, we are still waiting to see what plans both families make so we can try to divide up the time. Fingers crossed!

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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Alexandra! That is so nice of them to invite your family! I bet it's so nice to get everyone together for Thanksgiving! Smiley heart

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  • Sunshine
    Expert January 2019
    Sunshine ·
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    We do thanksgiving day with his family and then my mom plans a thanksgiving on the weekend as my sister also celebrates with her husband’s family on actual thanksgiving. So we do two. For Christmas we do Christmas Eve with my family (that’s always been our main day since I was a kid) and then Christmas Day with his family.
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  • Patti
    Dedicated August 2019
    Patti ·
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    We also love across the country from our families so its just the two of us this year
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  • Shoana
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    Shoana ·
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    I’m Chinese and my parents didn’t grow up celebrating the holidays, so my family has never celebrated, so I was happy to be able to join my fiancé’s family and celebrate with them.
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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Sunshine! That sound's awesome! You guys really have it all planned out! Smiley smile

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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Shoana! That is really nice that you are able to celebrate the holidays with them! Smiley kiss

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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Patti! That will be really nice! I'm sure you will do so many special things together to celebrate the holidays! Smiley heart

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  • SGuest
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    SGuest ·
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    Well, this holiday season my fiance and I have an upcoming deployment to worry about so that kinda takes precedence over the holidays. But, despite this we will be splitting the holidays between his family and mine.

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  • Mikalyn
    Dedicated October 2019
    Mikalyn ·
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    My finances family goes back to Mexico in the winter months so we do not have to deal with that. But my family like my uncle and his wife do every other year for the holidays. Like thanksgiving with us and Christmas with her family then it is switched the next year. It seems to really work for them!
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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Mikalyn! That does sound like a really nice plan! I bet you are really looking forward to celebrating this year! Smiley heart

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  • Michelle
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Michelle ·
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    Christmas Eve is at my family and Christmas day is spent at his family. Luckily I've only ever celebrated Christmas Eve so this works out perfectly for us. For Thanksgiving we each go to our own families and do not celebrate Thanksgiving together! It works out great for right now - we are both very happy with this setup. I'm sure we will need to compromise if we have children or once we are married.

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  • Future Mrs. Polar Bear
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    Good Question. If this was a few years ago my answer would be quite different, but now we've worked hard to get it the way it is.

    Thanksgiving: We go to FH parents house. His siblings rarely come for Thanksgiving, we go every year. His brothers wives are uh a bit more difficult for his mom to work with. It's normally their way or the high way for holidays. We're more flexible. Also, his mom always takes my eating disorders into account, while his brothers wives don't care, so when they rarely decide to have it at their houses I can't eat anything and just sit and watch everyone else eat. Meaning I end up eating fast food or something at our house before we go, it sucks, but it's okay that they don't ask questions and just focus on the new babies everyone else is having in the family. No attention on us = happy us.

    Black Friday: To ensure my FH and my parents each get us on a major holiday (which to us is only Thanksgiving and Christmas), we made an agreement with my parents to always do Thanksgiving on Black Friday at my parents house. Which works out because we have a tradition to go out Black Friday morning and get our real Christmas tree. Now we do that with my parents, than we go home set-up our tree, than head over to my parents house for dinner and fun (celebrate our Thanksgiving). My mom always ensures to cook me and my dad our standard thanksgiving feast, as well, it's great! and now with my FH he eats like my mom does, so she can cook what she wants too and my FH gets tons of leftovers which he enjoys.

    Christmas:

    Since FH brothers wives are such butts..his mom officially declared Christmas at their house every year the Saturday prior to Christmas. Which works out great for us.

    So Christmas Day it's just me, my FH and our pets, YAY! My parents we either go Christmas Eve or afternoon on Christmas Day, depends on what my brother and his wife are doing with her family. We don't mind either way, cause we don't have to travel much, and there's no rush on anything.


    Hopefully not jinxing myself...but we have things pretty well worked out now. Took a few years, but it's good.

    • Reply
  • Terra
    Expert September 2020
    Terra ·
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    Growing up our holidays were always just with immediate family. Through a number of events (deaths, disowning, etc) we've kind of dwindled down. I basically only have my sister and her two children. His family, however, always gets the extended group together for everything from Thanksgiving and Christmas to even Easter or July 4th. My niece and nephew are the only reason we do holidays on my side, and my niece spends half of her holidays with her father in another state, so we celebrate on odd days to work around visitation and then normally spend the day-of with FH's family.
    This Thanksgiving will be a lil different, though! Even though we've been together six years, our families haven't had much of a chance to meet. We just got engaged last week and figured what better day to have our families mingle than Thanksgiving. After we do regular Thanksgiving at his grandparent's, his immediate family will all head to his mom's while we pick up my family to have a little impromptu engagement celebration.
    Ideally, my tiny family will just join his for holidays, but we'll be announcing our engagement to his extended fam at Thanksgiving and I figure bringing my sis along would be too much, haha.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    One of the rarely praised things about being a couple raised in different faiths, is having each family care more about the holidays they celebrate. There is flexibility where the seasons overlap, but primary holidays are different. So no issues about who you will visit on what holiday.
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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Judith! I am in a very similar situation, and I can agree that it enables you to celebrate the different holidays with each family! Smiley smile

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  • T
    Beginner May 2019
    Tara ·
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    We generally do one holiday with my family like Thanksgiving n celebrate Christmas with his family.
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  • Sam
    Master August 2024
    Sam ·
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    Hi Tara! It's nice that you can divide the holidays between both of your families! Smiley kiss

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