Concern

As long as there wasn’t anything concerning in his search history (violence, child pornography, etc.) I wouldn’t worry about it. This is just something guys do, and it in no way reflects upon you or his desire for you.

View Quoted Comment Nothing illegal. Just searches on subjects that are different from what I do or have. So I can change the one thing but I don’t think I want to start smoking.

View Quoted Comment There is no need to change anything about yourself, girl. He obviously loves you for who you are. I think people just like to have a variety in their porn- it doesn’t mean they have to have that to be aroused. For instance, I have a friend who watches girl on girl pornography sometimes, but she is not a lesbian and has no desire to have sex with a woman. Definitely don’t make any changes about yourself that you don’t want to make. However, if you want to surprise him and spice things up a bit, as you said you could always shave if you want to try it out. And if you don’t like it, simply grow it back!

View Quoted Comment . I just don’t think I look good that way. But a surprise might be nice. I just think I look like I’m 13 again. He’s told me he likes how I have it before tho so i don’t get why he looks at that. Maybe it’s just what you said. I just watched Grease and thought about after grooming, being Sandy and lighting up as I get naked. Lol. I think he’d know I snooped tho.

Im curious, do you not feel comfortable discussing this openly with your fiancé?

View Quoted Comment I am uncomfortable bringing up that I spied him and then snooped. I don’t really know if this is just a thing that guys do or if it needs to be a dressed head on. Part of it is, I’m really inexperienced with guys. My fiancé is my first so….

View Quoted Comment Hey girl! I recently turned 23 and my fiancé is also my first so I totally get what you mean. Me personally I try to have very open conversation about sex in our relationship because I want us both to be satisfied. I, unless like someone else said if his porn seems concerning or unless it make you uncomfortable, wouldn’t make a huge deal. But I would talk to him if you’re feeling some type of way about the shaving thing. Just bring it up one day and ask him what does he think of your pubic hair and if that’s still something he likes about you. Let him know you’re more comfortable not shaving as there are many downsides to removing the hair. I also hate that you had to see and learn of his porn activities as watching porn is something that you might think they do but not want to see. Here is you ever want to talk or want more advice. 💗

View Quoted Comment TY so much😃

My guy and I are both in our late 30s. He watches porn. I dont really care. We are both open about talking about what we want with each other and both willing to try something new with the other. I remember hearing my mon saying an actor was good looking and I asked my dad if it bothered him and he said they both agreed that it was ok to look as long as it never went past that.....that always stuck with me. So thats kinda the view point my fiance and I have. At the end of the day its kinda hard to ignore someone good looking especially in movies or tv shows so as long as it goes no further than that we are ok with it. Maybe you could try watching some porn with your guy, it might lead to some fun.

View Quoted Comment IMO, if you are marrying him, you should be comfortable talking about anything. I can understand from your perspective, though. How does this make you feel? Yes, lots of guys watch porn, and if you’re cool with it, then fine. If you’re not cool with it, I highly recommend you discuss it, even if you feel uncomfortable. Also, I don’t recommend snooping. It could be seen as a lack of respect as a partner.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate your response. And I agree but I don’t think I’d enjoy girls smoking or grooming themselves. Maybe that’s my issue…I don’t know why he would watch that. Like I’m no saint but why can’t it
Just be more normal?

View Quoted Comment I hear everything you say. I’m just fumbling my way through this.

View Quoted Comment It doesnt necessarily need to be that type of porn but maybe watching porn together might spark something? I feel like for some people while they are happy with their relationship there is something about seeing that thing that they cant have.

View Quoted Comment I also feel like "normal" is a very loose concept. Whats normal to one person may not be normal to another.

View Quoted Comment Remember, you said everything was pretty “normal” in his search history until those few recent searches. He may not even find these things sexually arousing. It may just be something he’s never seen and was curious about. I’ve heard of a lot of men having a weird curiosity about what women do behind closed doors in the bathroom. It’s not even a sexual thing, just a taboo curiosity over something they aren’t allowed to witness. It could also be something that his friends told him to check out, or even links that were sent to him by friends. And believe me, dudes will send each other the strangest crap! I’ve been sitting next to my fiancé when his friends have sent him links of some of the weirdest, grossest stuff (apparently guys think this is funny?). If I had looked at his search history without knowing that, I would have probably thought there was something seriously wrong with him. Lol all this to say, you don’t know the context beyond the history. It could be nothing at all. It could be simple curiosity. Or, maybe he does find women who smoke and shave their pubic area attractive… but I wouldn’t worry about that. These aren’t uncommon things for men to find attractive by any means. And it doesn’t mean that he finds you less attractive, or wants you to do those things. And it most certainly doesn’t mean he’s going to be sexually unfulfilled if he doesn’t have those things. I certainly wouldn’t stress yourself out worrying about any of that.

View Quoted Comment Thx Cece for giving me such a well thought out msg. It really helps. I realize from all the answers I’ve received that I need to be more open (and mature) and be able to discuss everything—especially things i may not be that knowledgeable about. It’s the first day we’ve been together in a week so I’m not bringing it up today to him but I do want to bring some of this up to him. I have this “dating game” that asks really personal questions including what is a fetish your partner doesn’t know about. I plan on putting my prudishness aside and having an evening of discovery.

View Quoted Comment I understand. We are planning movie night Tuesday so maybe I’ll suggest something stronger than PG.

I don’t want to sound harsh, but this is the man you plan to marry. It’s time for you to be a bold woman and not use your sexual inexperience as an excuse. You need to have total open communication With him on things that WILL affect you. I’m not totally against porn if you do it together but I’d be concerned if my FH was looking at women that were different than me.—especially since you said it happened multiple times. And the night you saw him masturbating was the perfect time not to sulk away but to let him know you were there. You would have been rewarded I’m sure. But more importantly, it should have started a dialogue that would likely be worthwhile to your relationship. Look, you need to confront this and confirm this was just a one-time thing and it won’t interfere with your lovemaking in the future. Sorry to be blunt but I don’t want you discovering anything negative after you’re married.

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Don't be uncomfortable with bringing it up, if you're getting married there will be a lot of hard conversations! Why don't you just tell him the truth, you walked up and saw through the blinds and it made you feel a little sad. This is NOT "just something guys do" because they're "men". If you are not okay with it, sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel! If you're marrying a good man, he will respect you and your opinion love!

I have plenty of friends who both have chosen to not dabble in this because it's better for their relationship in many ways. It's ok to not want to partake in that, but just make sure you're respectful in your conversation! If you're okay with him partaking but just feel sad because of the content, I would still have a conversation about it. No sense in you sitting around wondering if he would prefer x, y, z when you can just ask him! Although I'm 100% sure he's going to tell you to change nothing, he's with you for a reason

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Thank you for the advice, Bailey:

I think I'm hearing something similar from others on here and I need to be more adult about this. Thanks for being so sweet in your response.