Hi All,
I recently got engaged and asked my two sisters and best friend to be my bridesmaids. My sisters dont get on at all, mainly due to a row they had in the past two years where one sister was completly in the wrong and had hurt my other sister. My younger sister who had been hurt and extended an olive branch on several occassions to try and repair the sibling relationship even though she was not a fault.
When i asked both of them seperately, they both said yes. Following this, possibly 6 weeks after this , my older sister decides to phone me one day, informing me that she is pregnant and due in fall this year. i was delighted for her, i told her the wedding wasnt until the following spring. She paused and said oh... she started making out that with her having a 3rd child now that on the day of my wedding that she would not be able to fulfill all her duties as bridesmaid as she would be in and out with the baby, etc. She wanted me to make the decision for her to say its ok you dont have to be bridesmaid. I was hurt but in a way relieved that she said she was pulling out as she is very dramtic, uses manipulative tactics to get her way all through childhood and into adolence.
So then, i needed to find a third bridesmaid and i had to make the hard decision to pick between two best friends, i had grown close to one of these ladies over the past 2 years and although we have all been friends for 20 years or more, i just felt more comfortable having her as my 3rd bridesmaid.
She said yes, but asked first did i want to choose the other friend instead. I said no because i wanted her. Following this, i contacted the other friend by phone to break the news as she lives in another country and when i started off the phone conversation i gave her the wrong impression as she thought i was going asking her. After the phone conversation i thought she was ok with the situation and ended the call on good terms.
After the call, she met up with other friend whom i had asked to be third bridesmaid and the friend whom i didnt ask, started telling everyone at party including my third bridesmaid how hurt she was by my choice. Thought she would have had the upper hand being asked over the other girl, also said this to me in a text message.
She send me voice notes the following day saying how upset she was the night before and wanted to be honest which i totally understand and appreciate her honesty.
Following days later, she sent back and forth messages demanding why i choose one friend over another when i should have known the 3rd bridesmaid is trying for a baby and that the 3rd bridesmaid would have been ok not being asked and there was valid reasons if i hadnt chosen the 3rd bridesmaid.
I felt totally hurt by the conversations and decided to have a phonecall to talk openly with this friend that wasnt chosen.
She was very insistent as to why i didnt choose her and stated everyone was surprised at your choice and wondering why you choose her over me.
When i had initally asked the 3rd bridesmaid to be part of my wedding, she asked was it ok if she was pregnant the time of wedding, i said yes absolutely, do not plan your life around me. I am not a confrontational person and i am a people pleaser and wanted her to be comfortable.
Another friend had it out with me aswell over the whole situation and more or less repeated similar questions what the girl who wasnt asked to be bridesmaid.
My question here is, should i not be allowed to choose my own bridesmaids, do i have to give a reason why i didnt choose the other person ( we have been friends over 20 years but would not talk every day, occassionly. I am hurt by this whole situation and my partner is angry at the whole situation how my friend has treated me. Yes i totally accept that i hurt her feelings and i understand its a hurtful position to be , but should i be bullied into saying why i choose one over the other.
