Anyone feeling rushed to have children

Yes, I am also feeling pressured/rushed to have kids.

Some of it comes from my mother. I am now their own child (my brother has passed away) and a lot of their friends with kids my age have had or are having kids, so yeah...serious grandparent envy. A little bit is external. A bunch of our friends just had kids this year, including my BFF(who's the MOH). Plus also our ages, I will be 31 1/2 and FH will be 30 when we get married. So by waiting a year or two I will be around 33-34 and we would like to have 2 kids.

But we are going to wait and enjoy being married for a year or two!

I don't necessarily feel rushed, but I do want kids right away. I'm 25 and my FH just turned 40 this year. I have always wanted to have kids young. My parents waited a while to have my brother and I and most of my grandparents passed away when I was very young. Only my grandmother lived to see me graduate high school and college, however she won't get to see me get married. It's important to me for my kids to have their grandparents through those important events in their life. So I basically want to have kids right away after we get married. My FHs age now also plays a role in wanting to have kids so early.

I'm feeling some pressure to have kids right away. Most people started asking as soon as we got engaged. We both just turned 29 (two weeks apart) and when we started dating 4 years ago we had talked about wanting kids before 30. I told him I would like to buy a house first so we have a stable environment to bring a child home to, but every time we talk to family about the wedding kids get brought up. As if planning a wedding wasn't stressful enough LOL

Not to freak anyone out.. but a girl at work just got prego at 35 and the child has Down's Syndrome, non-hereditary. Oh and once you're 35 you're considered a high risk pregnancy automatically.

My advice is to talk to your FH and between the two of you decide what's the priority. School, being more financially sound and getting it all together or having a baby right now. Only you two know the right answer. Being a parent is a hard but rewarding job. No matter what you decide, it's going to be easier going through with it when you are doing what you guys want to do and not what others (or societal pressures) want you to do. Good luck with everything!!!

Just by my FH.... we both had 2 each before we got together then we had 1 together. he wants 1 or 2 more. I am open to 1 more since there is an 11 year difference between our older kids and the baby. But I told him not till we are married. So he's all excited to throw away my BC after we get back from the honeymoon.

Oh I must be crazy! LOL

I'm in the same boat! I'm 31 and DH is about to turn 33. People keep asking when we are going to have kids and it does get annoying. We both have good jobs but I am working myself out of debt. We do own a house though. My commute to work each day is about 4 hours round trip so I really want to transfer closer to home. (when there's no traffic it's only 2 hrs round trip) Just alot of things to put into place before we have kids but I'm beginning to wonder if it will happen before I'm 50! People keep telling us if we wait until we're ready then we'll never have kids.

Right here! My whole family is already planning on all the clothes they are wanting to buy for my kid. LOL!

I think that as long as you are healthy, I see no problem waiting a little bit to have children. I know plenty of people who have had kids in their late 30s. My mom didn't have me until she was 30 and she had my sister at 32.

But I feel ya on the rushed thing- my FMIL just got her first grandchild in July so now she's look at my FH and me to have her second. I keep jokingly telling FH's nephew that he will have a baby cousin by the time he's 3 or 4 but she still makes her comments. My mom was so against me having kids in my early 20s (I will be 24 when I get married) but now she's making comments about how she thinks she's ready to have a grandbaby now lol. I'm glad you're ready but I'm not!

Its tricky when you marry older, but everone is different. My MOH's mother got married at 30 and got preg with TWINS at 33 with no fertility help. There are always options for "older" parents (even though 30s-40s in no where near "old').

as far as being an old mom/dad, take care of your self, exercise and you wont feel like an old parent! my MOH's parents are almost 60 and look/act like they are in their 40's. I wouldnt worry about it too much, things happen for a reason, so whats meant to happen will

Yes & No... I had my first young & then another 10yrs later. He was a surprise, I thought i was done... No that Fh & I are getting married (he's not their dad) The pressure is on for more kids, theres no kids on his side & I dont want another big gap between the kids, so we'll probably start right away?!?!

Nah.. we'll have one in time, but there's no rush. I'm considering preparing ourselves for adoption someday. There are plenty of children that could use a good home and although I would love to have one of our own, I just know that there are people out there having 20 children... and there's over 7 billion people in the world already... yikes.

I'll be 29 when I'm married. I will be finished with Grad School next month and would love to have kids right after we are married. Yes we will have debt for my student loans but having a budget will help enable that. I'm hoping for a new job come the first of the year especially since I'll be school FREE!!!! My FH raised 2 of his 3 nieces and does not want them right away. In that matter I can understand. In my family my grandparents do not have any great grand children yet while on his side there are currently 3. For my grand parents I want them to be able to enjoy our kids for a while. I keep telling FH if it happens it happens but we aren't going to technically try!

You are not alone Krista- also going to be 32 when I walk down the aisle and because he is younger his very traditional family has already made side comments about hurrying up.

NOT in a rush!

Definately not alone Krista or Jenny? (I think, sorry) FH last night when we were going to bed turns to me and says "I want another kid, lets start trying over the holidays" My response "Are you NUTS?!?" I want to fit in my dress and want some time to ourselves and if we get your son I want time for him to settle in as well so at least 2 - 3 years." and he says he doesn't want to be 40 when we have our first. So I guess we will see we will probably ttc in about 1.5 years or so depending. I want at least one year to ourselves if we don't get his son.

Edit: Forgot to add I'll be 31 next year and FH will be 33 when we get married.

FH and I have had the talk about children. We definitely both want to have children but thought it best to enjoy married life for about a year.

That said, his mom will not stop dropping hints about how badly she wants another grandbaby. She keeps making comments about how FH is her youngest and her last chance to have more grandbabies. She already has 3.

On the other hand, my mom would love to have another grandchild but she's not pushing anything. She's having too much fun spoiling my niece (her only grandbaby) completely rotten!

I feel you I am 32 will be 33 when I marry. I definitely want to start right away. After the age of 30 fertility starts to decrease. Having your first child after the age of 35 is considered high risk, and it jumps dramatically after the age of 40. Keep in mine, you may not get pregnant right away combined with if you need help conceiving. All that can add a few more years on to when you actually have a child. All that info and yes I feel pressure. I want to start trying right away.

I second what Ab Z says, after 35 is considered the start of the danger time, so i think you have a while. I learned that last year in developmental psych class, so hopefully that's a credible source.

also, I'm not sure what your options are but... don't forget adoption (local or international, can range from 8k-35K, and the process can last from 1-4years... usually international adoptions are faster)

or have some of your eggs frozen now, and so a surrogate later on... no idea how much that costs but its just an idea.

I am definatly not feeling rushed to have kids because I feel it will be harder at a later age. Maybe it gets harder to concieve at a later age, i am not sure, but what i am more concerned about is having a down Syndrome child. I am in nurse classes so i know all about the factors that contribute to down sundrome and how the likelyhood increases with age. So even though i know i could probably still have a child and chances are good that it would healthy...I still dont like waiting and making the odds less favorable.

I'm 26 and I just was asked that question last night! "Are you guys thinking about having kids?" And we already know the moms want grandkids. We do want kids, but we want time as a couple first - and we're not ready financially either. I think, unfortunately, it's just the next natural "big life step" that most people take, so a lot of people just assume it's a logical question. I'm sure that they don't mean to make you feel rushed! And you're being smart knowing what you guys can handle in the near future. Things will happen when they're meant to!