One big concern among individuals of all kinds—single, in a committed relationship, living together, or soon-to-be wed—is that sex in marriage can get kinda boring. As pessimistic as it might feel, it’s not an unusual presumption. After all, you’re committing to being physically intimate with just one person—out of billions in this world!—for the rest of your natural life. Scary? You bet! But, rest assured, it’s probably going to be the best sex of your life.
“No one tells you that you will absolutely adore having sex with the person that you marry,” says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. “Sure, everyone says instead that it’s a big adjustment, and it is, and that you will argue, and you will, but imagine waking up every day with the one person who you most want to have sex with, more than anyone in the world, and the person you can't wait to go to bed with every night—totally worth every argument about the toothpaste!”
Still need a bit more convincing? Here are some of the reasons sexperts agree that married sex is great sex.
Married sex can be more comfortable.
Let’s face it—one night stands are usually not the best sex of your life. One main reason why is that you’re not comfortable with someone you just met the way you are when you’re in a committed relationship. It takes time to get to know each other’s body to figure out what works. “In a long-term relationship we have the opportunity to explore and experiment with what feels good for both yourself and our partner,” says Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist. “There is often less pressure and anxiety resulting in more comfort having married sex, which naturally makes it more enjoyable!”
You can be more vulnerable.
With more comfort, there often comes the ability to be more vulnerable, Dr. Needle explains. “When one feels safe and is able to be vulnerable, their inhibitions are lowered allowing them to be more likely to fully let go and allow themselves to feel every pleasurable moment,” she says. “Feeling more comfortable in front of your partner, can also allow you to be fully present during sexual activity making it that much more enjoyable.”
You can have married sex basically whenever you want.
Assuming you live with your spouse, you have the chance to get busy pretty much whenever the mood strikes! “Many singles hook up because they want sex—and then suffer the complications that come from that kind of relationship,” says April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert. “In marriage, you don’t have to worry about where your sex is going to come from and when.” Being married also gives you more opportunity to create lasting chemistry and forge intimacy than if you were dating someone and only seeing them a few times a week.
You can make your long-term sexual bucket list together.
“In marriage, with the long-term commitment, couples who want to leave no stone unturned and live with a ‘no regrets’ philosophy, may want to crack open a bottle of wine and over drinks, come up with their mutual bucket list for the bedroom,” says Masini. “This is a great thing to do in a marriage because you have the commitment, you have the time to consider, reject, come back to and plan so that your sexual dreams come true.”
You’re in love.
Last, but certainly not least, one of the best parts about having married sex is that you’re in love with him or her. You’ve likely been through experiences together that have melded your passion for each other. “The connection felt between partners who are deeply in love and who share strong emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy can lead to increased excitement and arousal resulting in even more amazing sexual pleasure,” says Dr. Needle.