Why having a dry/self cater wedding because of money is bull

Hi Jo, the flagging may be due to some booty bothered brides. I think the only name calling in the past couple of days has come from the perpetually booty bothered.

@Kathryn - Well some of my guests don't eat either so I don't need to provide food for ALL of them.

Woot, that's not a ridiculous argument at all.

Jo, only criticizing ideas here, not people. WWCathy said that was a-ok!

Kayla users have come on here saying that they experienced food poisoning from a self catered wedding

So yea we didn't just make this shit up

Also food safety should be a thought perhaps when you're making your family feed 200 people?

Aww Matt that makes me sad, you and I have even emailed this week. We're here as usual, no summer vacay for me!

@JessieJV I'll review each in turn, no worries, I just wanted to give a little wave early in the hope we can keep the chat going, I don't like hiding or locking threads if it's possible to keep them going

Sorry Jo, but I haven't seen any mods either. When you came on I think we all expected you to be on regularly and to become a part of the community like Katie was. Hasn't really turned out that way, unfortunately.

Jes- Why stop with alcohol and food? Don't provide ANY drinks. They can bring their own water or drink their spit.

@Zoe - Your statement is so off base

I have attended 3 dry weddings and have left all of them early.

EVERYONE STOP POSTING FOR A MOMENT SO I CAN CATCH UP BEFORE EVERYTHING GETS FLAGGED!!! LMBOOOOO

Actually, the people that offered to help have helped at multiple weddings that we're all self catered and were amazing. I attended them all and had a blast and no one got sick and those that did help with food still had an amazing time and we still talk about our memories of the day. My point of "i have 3 chefs in the family" is that we all know how to cook good food and know how to properly keep it. Believe it or not, i dont mind doing stuff for my own wedding. I am paying for my wedding on my own. My fiance and I just bought our first home so we are saving what we can over the next two years for both our wedding and honeymoon. When i say self catered, we are making foods that can be prepped the day before. The other foods can get thrown into crockpots before the ceremony so there is no need for myself, my FH, my sister, or my uncle to slave over a stove or sweat in the food. It will be buffet style and everyone can make their own plate which I'm sure you all will have something to say about that as well. So for those of you nitpicking every little detail of someone else's wedding that you dont even know, there you have it. There were no inconsistencies in my story, i just wasnt giving all the details because they're not important. You have your wedding your way, and i will have mine.

Sandell: There is so much wrong with your logic. Let me see if I can cover it all without missing anything. Spoiler alert: I'll probably miss something because there was so much.

The wedding is about the couple. The wedding consists of the ceremony. The reception, FOLLOWING THE WEDDING is a thank you to the guests. And to PP who insists her family will be okay with no reception/thank you, I would be PISSED if someone did that to me, and probably wouldn't go if I knew about it, because that's just poor form, a shitty way to treat people, and tells them the kind of person you are and how you feel about your relationship to them. It all reflects poorly on you.

Back to Sandell. You say not everyone wants to marry in a park. No shit? Is that why people get married in courthouses, churches, wedding venues, chapels, etc? Did you know that you can elope to these places too? You don't have to have a wedding in a park to have a small guest list. Which brings me to my next point. You say not everyone wants a big wedding. Then WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU HAVING ONE?! If you are having a wedding large enough that you have to self cater (assuming yours isn't the backyard BBQ from last night, with like, 3 guests,) then you should be cutting the guest list to actually host your guests instead of being gift grabby and inviting everyone and their dog so you can serve subpar food and zero alcohol. Let's face it, nobody involved in your wedding, including being involved as a guest, is going to be paying the amount of attention to food prep as a professional would. They're going to be distracted, busy with other things, and heaven for it, want to be a part of the wedding festivities AS A GUEST. Imagine that. Don't want alcohol? Then admit you're being cheap and don't give a shot about your guests. Don't give me the nobody drinks line either. The great majority of people who don't drink will drink socially, and enjoy drinking socially. Some, like my DF, just won't drink if he has to pay for it, because it's not important enough for him to spend money on, but you damn well better believe he'd be side eyeing you if he attended your poorly hosted wedding and used his "not drinking" as your excuse treat your guests like children.

WHY would any couple want to take the risk of self catering and the liability that goes with it? Even if uncle bob DOES have food prep certifications or has taken food handling courses, if someone gets sick, the couple are the people on the line for ALL of the medical bills. Even with a small guest list, that could be hundreds of thousands of dollars. Do you WANT to risk having to declare bankruptcy within 6 months of your wedding over a bad choice? Let's not forget that if anyone decides to also file a damages lawsuit over it, you can't discharge that in bankruptcy. Hello permanent financial ruin.

Oh, what's that? You'll get insurance? They're not going to cover self catering, I can almost guarantee it.

If you can't afford to have the wedding you want and do it right, then wait and save the money if it's that important to you. If being married is the most important thing, elope, do a courthouse thing, or even do a small, 10 guest wedding at a little chapel or something and take everyone out to lunch that you pay for. The point is, just because it's your wedding day doesn't give you license to make bad choices and then stomp your foot and pout and whine when people call you out on it.

You're not 3 years old. Actions have consequences, just like poor hosting has natural consequences. What are they? Being the talk of all of your family and friends, and never having guests accept or show up at gatherings you host again.

ETA: knew I'd forget something. Gifts! You say you're not asking for gifts. Honestly, NO bride asks for gifts, or at least, they shouldn't be. Gift giving for weddings is not at all required, but it IS customary. I'm sure you're aware of that. So saying you aren't asking is your way of saying that you don't want us to call your behavior gift grabby because you're not actively asking, but by over inviting guests, your behavior is actually just that. Once again, the phrase that I have used as a broken record the last few days, comes to mind: Grow Up.

Okay, I'll concede the self-catering comment with regards to food safety. Makes sense, and I didn't really think about it that way.

This is getting so annoying, 99% of brides on here are paying for their OWN wedding, buying houses, raising children, going to school (some combo of these). STOP USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE FOR BEING CHEAP.

What's your menu, STBMS?

Some of us don't wanna go into debt for one fucking day.

Also, I hid a comment because the wording was just terrible, so that's embarrassing haha

Then wait until you have money. Geez, your wedding is in two years, you shouldn't need to go into debt....

@Adria, actually your view in your wedding by the way you stated it seems a bit selfish.

I'm tired of the word 'shaming' going around used incorrectly, like the word 'bullying' is often used incorrectly. No one shamed you. But you should be a bit ashamed of your own views toward treating and hosting your guests. You are not doing it to the best of your ability, you are using your college age poverty to excuse your behavior and justify it because you want your wedding the way you've envisioned it regardless if your friends and family are treated to the very best of your abilities and love for them.

Dry weddings and self catering are not treating your guests well. It's the very bare minimum but you believe because these people love you so they'll be there regardless. You're right, they will but they grumble behind your back and to each other about working your wedding and comparing it the better one they went to last month where they were properly hosted and thanked like loved ones should be.

ETA --I posted this before I saw there were 144 comments. Silly mobile app makes it hard!

I didn't think it would be "cool" to have a mod joining in all the conversations, I assumed a lighter touch would be more generally appreciated. I've waded in here and there but I'm always around and am happy to get more chatty, if you really want to hear about little old me...

That's why you plan the wedding you can afford and host properly. If that means 20 people so be it. I didn't go into debt, most people don't. They set a budget that is feasible for them to save by the time of the wedding.

Jo- Whatever approach you want, I don't care. I just know that this thread has one flagged comment. There was one on Friday (which we emailed about ) with about 5 and no mods to be seen.