Stop asking for money (Rant!)

We live together so we have most of our "stuff" but we definitely put some upgrades on our registry because I don't want ANYONE to feel obligated to buy us ANYTHING, but I know people don't normally show up at weddings without giving anything (money or "stuff"). However, after many "is this tacky" debates, we opted to do the honeymoon registry. We are NOT putting airfare or hotels on the registry, though. The only thing we will list are places to eat or excursions, in case someone wants to purchase one of those for us.

Honestly, I'm still torn on the whole "is the honeymoon registry tacky" debate but our guests are under no obligation to buy us anything from anywhere and the registries are just there for folks who don't want to give cash and need some ideas.

Phyllisann - If cash is traditionally given in your family, it's no big deal. It's only tacky if you actually ask for it.

@Esther, I am not registered. I hate the fact that I am telling people what I want or need. If they gift they gift, if they don't they don't.

Maybe we should just try the acceptable way and all throw a "jack and jill party!" I am sorry, I can't get off this kick!....lol!

You dont ask for money here! its a no no! even a honey moon register would be rude. thhough most people will give you money.. you dont ask.

My FH and I don't see eye to eye on this issue. We live together so therefore we have just about everything that we need. He wanted to ask for cash, I agree that it's tacky. So we registered, mainly for my bridal shower, and left off any mention of a registry on our invite. I have had people email me asking where we are registered and I just direct them to the one set up for the shower. I

@Mrs T to be.....thats just what i call it! Houseware stuff/crap/shit/gifts! Not actually calling that stuff CRAP as in GARBAGE! Trust me i love my trusty Kitchen Aid =)

@Kristyn we are DOING THE EXACT SAME THING... FAMILYMOON TO DISNEY, LMAO how funny.... just got my quote from Smallworldvacations.com whoooohoooo I used to work there so I cant wait to take my boys there....all of them, the hubby and the 3 smaller ones.....

Regardless..if its RUDE to have a honeymoon registry then how is it NOT rude to have a REGULAR registry?! And in the same token, it is then RUDE to have a BABY registry cause you're basically asking ppl to BUY YOU THINGS. oh wait... no, that's the point... to give ppl an IDEA of what you would like... JMHO!

My computer cut me off before I was finished .... Anyway, most guest will give money but I appreciate anything they give. So I just bite my tongue when they ask where we're registered because I really don't need anything and just say thank you. I think people are going to give gifts if that's what they really want to do. Where I"m from, most people just give cash.

A honeymoon registry is different than cash. It's meant to be a gift of an experience- money towards a nice dinner at a restaurant on the beach, or a snorkeling experience or whatever. I have no issues with gift cards to the store you registered at- since it can break up the cost of a large purchase over several guests to keep costs reasonable.

However, you don't ask for cash in cash form- for any reason. If you've moving, register somewhere you can take the items back for gift cards, then go repurchase them after the move...

I agree with Phyllisann M. We weren't going to register, but got pushback b/c (a) some people want to get a tangible gift (& these are not practical people; we're likely to get something like an odd piece of original art we couldn't return, & I'm not kidding), & (b) some people were taking the lack of a registry as a direct request for cash (i.e., not well).

So we listed as much as we could think of, mostly inexpensive, said, "We found the gift of a lifetime in each other, & we're lucky enough to be able to celebrate with you. However, we've been asked repeatedly to please register somewhere. In response, we had fun throwing together this wish list." Tried to keep it low key, butwith our families (or at least mine), it was sort of a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation.

Then again, my cousins registered for the bridal shower, the wedding, the baby shower, and the christening, so I suppose one low key wish list won't get us in trouble, lol.

Yea the registry is to give ppl an IDEA.. if they WANT to use it...great.. if not, its OK.... most ppl are smart enough to make this desicion on their own.

Meghan B. said it perfectly! thanks...

J&R S...love that.... and also i can see ppl being like. PSH, this couple JUST want money they didnt register for ANYTHING< lol...

"Can't please everyone so ya...got to please yourself..." Rick Nelson =)

Mostly, I think asking for money is on the tacky side. Everyone could use some extra cash, but the point of getting a gift is that person is giving you something they think you'll like. It's personal from me to you. Sometimes it's given because they feel obligated to and sometimes they truly want to. I've gone the route of registering for too much (including ourwishingwell.com for our honeymoon) just to give people options. I certainly don't want them to get me everything on the list (I would feel awful!)

If someone wants to give you cash, they will. Otherwise, they're left looking for something they think you'll need or like (3rd blender anyone?) because they don't find it appropriate to just give you money.

@ phyllisann~haha that's so funny to me. I actually only registered because I thought it was rude NOT to. I guess this shows how much of an effect capitalism has had on me.

I'm with Stacy. Registries aren't there for you to ask for gifts, it's just there in case someone wants to get you a gift, but don't know what you want/need. Honeymoon registries are the same thing, but nobody is obligated to them and I have never thought of a registry as tacky. Demanding a $5 admission fee at the front door of the reception? tacky. But come on, no one does that.

Always, no matter what, you should let your guests know that their presence is better than presents

Asking for money and receiving money are not the same thing, just fyi.

I agree with you Jessica.

Sabrina, ain't it the truth! I really, really hate the whole "gift suggestion" / "registry" idea personally. My extended family used to do the former with holiday gifts, and I never, ever felt comfortable requesting a specific item. In return, I got some of the most hilariously tacky, cheap gifts you have ever seen. The stories have made many a friend fall over laughing.

So I am always a little torn between "I have nowhere to put another *unique* vase from X" and "I'm not TELLING guests to go buy me something off a list." Frankly, I think the cultures that give $ more often than not - without the couple asking for it - have it right. Logical and easy. But alas, not everyone is keen on that.

@Esther...apparently to some people, including some of my guests, it is.

People always ask what do you want... they dont want to walk into it blindly a registry is a good idea. though we tried to keep everything under 50.

*agreeing with J&R S.* =D

I asked for cash on my website- guess I am tacky but I am ok with that

I have family ALL over the US and I invited them, and some of them arent going to be able to come....on my WW for the registry page I put "for out of state gifts or gift cards please send to..." and I gave my address, because I know that for alot of my family, buying a large gift and paying for S&H is out of the question.