Stop asking for money (Rant!)

The fact of the matter is that if you don't register for some stuff at an actual store, you will end up with crap that you don't want. And crap that is not returnable, because who knows where it came from. There will always be people on your guest list that want to buy you an actual gift from a brick and mortar store. And if there's no registry to buy from, you're going to end up with a tacky crystal bowl.

Even if you set up a honeymoon registry, people still want to buy physical gifts, especially for the bridal shower. Watching you open envelope after envelope is not fun or exciting.

I wanted to not post but I feel like I need to. Respectfully Jessica I am going to try anyway to not be rude.

If someone wants to ask for cash it is their issue not yours so how come it is your business to tell them that they cant do it. I dont think that is very polite to say **oh no you didnt ...blah blah blah***

I am from a huge family and they all have been to many weddings that they give cash or ENVELOPES at.

Speaking of ENVELOPES who is doing the card box...diy card box etc... WELLLLL lets talk about how you are inadvertently without thinking about it ASKING for money or checks RIGHT??? But that is ok???

It is that person's wedding not I repeat NOT yours and of course your opinion is yours and I respect that but lets not get carried away. I hate the peacock fad but I amnot going to say ewwww that is super kitchy and tacky and reaally... blah blah blah... everyone has a right to do whatever they want at their wedding.

Double post sorry =[

In no way was that snarky Melissa, at all. Thank you for always keeping the snark off the messageboards.

Much of what is considered tacky comes from etiquette that has not kept up with the times. We did a charity registry because we really didn't need anything - I had just fully furnished my house the previous summer, and he already had a fully furnished apartment. Combining into one home meant getting rid of half the stuff we had, so getting more would have been silly. This is a fairly new phenomenon that comes from later marriages - young couples need things. Older established couples need little in the way of items, but as has been said, everyone appreciates cash.

Also, if you ask someone what they would like as a gift, isn't it a little "tacky" to be offended by the answer?

@Esther, I know some used to, at least. I remember buying something - I think it might have been at BB&B - from a registry, and the store added the shipping cost automatically. I asked if they could remove it and I would just take the gift with me. The salesperson said she could, but told me that the B&G had requested that gifts be sent to their new home a few states away because of the difficulty of moving wedding gifts along with the rest of their belongings.

So, I think you have to make the request specifically at the store. You can also do that on the registry page of your website, if you have one. We are directing things to my FMIL while we will be out of town, and as the default address for anyone who doesn't already have our addresses. (We're still in separate states, booo.)

@Ryan S., it all depends on the guests and their expectations. Some people are big on giving money as a gift. Others think it is too impersonal and want to pick an actual item. So while you have a point, I would not want to essentially insist that someone who is uncomfortable giving money (it's impersonal, or they can't give as much as they think is appropriate and don't want to have to spell out what they are spending on you, etc.) should do so anyway.

But I do agree with you, the line isn't as bright as it used to be, and it seems to be moving back and forth these days. That's why I'm in favor of throwing out options and ideas, and letting the people who are spending the money on the gift decide what they want to do.

Personally it is not my business to criticize anyone for how or what they would prefer to get at thier weddings, if they have a registry, great, I can get them something from the registry, if they prefer cash/gift cards, also wonderful I don't have to drive to the store to pick out a gift, gift wrap it etc...I find it easier for me as a guest if the couple prefer money than gifts. (that's just me)

90% of the time, I give gift cards or cash sometimes regardeless of what they prefer "cause I know I can't go wrong there. To each his/her own.

If I don't ask for cash gifts, then how else is my wedding supposed to get paid for?

Rachel M., you are an instigator.

Haha Melissa f. good point! If a bride asks for "money" it's really no different than a freaking box reading "CARDS" LOL ... I'm sure it doesn't mean cards from a deck!!! Agree to disagree- what is "tacky" to one, isn't to other ... then there's some who don't even realize or care. And for the record I'd like to say I am SICK of reading that stupid word "tacky" LOL... unless your wedding on the TLC show "4 weddings" where you're being JUDGED and SCORED-then I can see why everything has to be proper etiquette ...

And NO we're not registered anywhere and NO I did NOT write " cash only"-that is super rude. I believe it should be word of mouth ...

So my usual style is I give gifts at the bridal shower and cash and a card at the wedding. I give nice gifts, in my opinion, and I always include the gift receipt. I'm never going to contribute to a honeymoon registry I think they are rip-off, guests could give cash and save the service fee. I like registries but mostly b/c it tells me what the bride and groom need, "oh, they have a queen size bed, good to know", seriously who doesn't need a nice set of sheets? I'm fine with no registry and even the very blunt "Cash Only" request, but don't expect me to go to your bridal shower to watch you open cards with cash in them. I'll give you a nice cash gift, but only once and it probably won't equal the value of the total cash and gift I normally give, because frankly I like buying and wrapping presents and I'll spend a little more on a nice gift. Also, guests know you'd prefer cash, it's not rocket science, you really, really don't have to put it on the invitation or the wedding website.

J&R S. -- Who me??? Never! 15 more days, and I don't give a flip!

Personally I don't care if you ask for money, gift cards, gifts, honeymoon fund. It's your wedding you can do what you want to do. If you want to be tacky then be tacky. I know everyone is not following wedding etiquette down to the T.

I never said we were going to put "Cash Only" on anything we send to our guests. However, we will have a cash registry with Deposit A Gift and a traditional registry with two of our favorite department stores. I just don't see how it's tacky to have a DAG registry when you are telling the guests exactly what they are contributing to. I think its pretty cool that they can pick and choose what they are contributing to for the newlywed couple. Oh well whatever...