Honorary Bridesmaids? Yes or no!

This is really awful, these are not friends. It sounds like something from the 1940s! You really deserve better.

Oh.My.God. I'm so hurt and angry for you!! This girl is NOT to be trusted nor given the time of day. What she said to you is fucked up on so many levels. How the group of girls treated you just breaks my heart!

I wish all of us here that posted could be there with you in real time to show you what total acceptance feels like...because, if you read all the comments, it is appalling to each and every one of us to hear what you've experienced. I am dumbstruck and so damn pissed at the same time. And for her to then put the shit back on YOU? No no no!

Again, I am so sorry you are being forced to see these girls for what they really are, especially this "best friend" of yours. It's time to step up and be stronger than each and every one of them and begin the next chapter of your life without them. I know that's easier said than done, but I hope you find the courage and strength to do it. You deserve SO much better in your life!

I can't believe she wants to hide you like underwear. You are a PERSON. She clearly sees you as just a prop. She's using you and you deserve so much better -- and like PPs have said, she is totally a racist bitch. You are worth so much more than she is telling you you are!

What has your husband said about this? I hope he is just as appalled!

She is NOT your friend. There is no excuse, no rationalization for her behavior. Nothing about it is okay. Do not allow her to believe it's acceptable and don't YOU believe it's acceptable.

And don't hide what happened to your husband and family.

I am SO upset for you, @OP. None of what this woman is or has been doing to you is okay. You deserve so much better than this!

@OP I want to reinforce and clarify something. This sub-human piece of shit you have described is a self-centered manipulator.

That entire conversation you had was turned on you because that is what she is. Those that manipulate will always blame you for their choices and actions instead of themselves. Requesting an apology is how they put the vile icing on the cake to convince you that they're innocent of all failings and that it's actually you in the wrong. I dated a man like this; he used me just like this shit excuse for a human has used you. I have watched other manipulators at work, my friends have also dated them. The fact that she has the gall to say you should be more understanding, that she did you a favor by pretending to be your friend, make no mistake that her actions were not genuine friendship, and that she went further to compare you to tablecloths while stating her actions were OCD in nature is just further proof of how miserable and horrible a person she is.

Additonally, "I'm disappointed in you," is her talking down to you as if you're a child on top of attempting to guilt trip you. Manipulators are people that will constantly tear you down and make you second guess yourself. This makes them feel powerful and in control. It is unclear to me if she heavily influnced your decision to not use colors in your wedding...it feels like you wanted to, but were told not to either by her or your husband? It's normal to have colors in a wedding, even the table cloths. Uniformity can work, but contrast and variety is also okay. I feel like someone convinced you that you couldn't incorporate your favorute colors, even though you really wanted to.

There is no way to justify her actions. It doesn't matter if you're the minority in the town, which overall appears to be rascist as fuck based on what you've described, that is in no way a justification. If she was your friend she would have had you in her bridal party, be damned what any of her friends and relatives had to say about it. That's what real friends do. They stand by you in even the most trying moments of adversity because they love you and they care.

As many have stated, do not apologize. She deserves nothing from you, never has, and never will. You are in the right. Cut all ties with her, tell her she can't stay with you anymore and that you're not there for her convenience. Cut ties with anyone who has told you to apologize. These people are not your friends. They've all proven that through their current and past actions. They are also racist poor excuses for human beings and don't deserve to be your friend.

I have the impression that you have been conditioned by either these people or previous socialization from others to think that such behavior is normal. It is not, and it is not only unhealthy but very damaging to your self image and self esteem.

If you have anyone in your life that treats you like this low-life does you need to cut them out of your life. They will continue to tear you down and kill your pride as a human being. Even if they are family or your husband. I very much hope that he is not also a manipulator and treats you with the love and respect you deserve, the same with your family. What has he said about all this? Have you talked to him about it? Can you talk to him about it?

As some others stated, find counseling.This will not be easy. If her previous actions are any indication, prepare to have your name dragged through the mud.Those that were slighting or unkind before will be worse. 

She seems like she could  potentially  be vindictive when you cut her out of your life and try to make your life hell in turn. Find a supportive couselor who won't blame you for being a different color of skin. You need someone to help you through this, help you heal, and help possibly retrain your mindset so you know that you deserve to be treated better than this, by everyone. It may seem lonely for a while,  but it will lead to makinf real friends and better quality of life for you in the long run. Tell her to shove off,  and move on with your life one day at a time.

We're here for you OP. We care, and we know you deserve better. Tell yourself every day that you should be treated with respect and dignity. You deserve it.

Oh dear God. She's an awful person. You need to run from these people.

Fuccccckkk her! You do not apologize! How dare she. SHE COMPARED YOU TO TABLE LINENS! You can change linen colors and flower colors, you can't change your skin! It almost sounds like she's just your friend out of pity saying you wouldn't have any friends if it weren't for her. You don't need those types of people in your life! Drop all of those people who see you as in the wrong as well and surround yourself with people who FULLY support you no matter the color of your skin and don't make it out that they're your savior and you need to repay them for their pity friendship.

I'm sooo mad for you and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't think for one moment you owe her it sounds like she owes you so much more! Drop her and surround yourself with love and people who truly care for you.

As someone that been the only black person at school and the token black friend, never apologize or try to conform for anyone. You being black is a part of who you are and them trying to make you ashamed of that is disgusting and also a word I can't think of right now because I am so heated. To be very honest this attitude doesn't surprise or shock me. This happens every where. There are countless stories like yours. There are also countless heroes that have stood up to this bullshit and said fuck you. You do not need these so called friends. Erase these people from your lives.

OP - I just want to say. You are a lovely beautiful person who clearly has a lot of heart to try so hard to forgive and work with a shitty person.

HOWEVER, - Your friend, as other pp have is self-centered, racist, and manipulative. She is also attempting to GASLIGHT you. Meaning, she is attempting to turn the conversation around to make YOU think you are in the wrong. To make you think you are overreacting by being hurt or offended. Do not listen to her. Your feelings are 100% valid. Your friend has no good reason to exclude you do to the color of your skin. That has nothing to do with cohesion, that has to do with her racism. Her attempt to try to use a bullshit analogy about your not using blue table clothes is just that : bullshit. She's trying to come up with a way to make you feel like you were in the wrong, to make her point seem valid.

Her point isn't valid.

Do not apologize. Do not back down from this. If anything the fact she is attempting to manipulate and gaslight you is a huge warning sign of emotional abuse. End this friendship now. It does not matter what she did in the past. What matters now are her actions in this moment and I am seeing huge giant red flags.

OP, I hope you are still reading this thread. If SO many people are saying the same thing, please, please- can't you see that maybe we're right?

It's time to run from these friends. I promise you, you will make new friends throughout life- you don't need these ***holes.

You are RIGHT. Your (Ex) Friend is WRONG. Hang on to that above all else, even if the decision to walk away from her is hard for you. But it needs to be done.

Your update has me shaking with anger. People have already said everything I've wanted to... but I did want to add my support. You don't deserve to be treated like this. They are NOT your friends. Do NOT fucking apologize for being who you are and stick up for yourself. Fuck those racist assholes.

I'd be telling her than honestly it hurts your feelings, and you'd much rather skip the title and attend as a guest. That's a bad move on her behalf.

@Madison Honestly read the comments. You think there are people shaking with anger over an honorary title?

Honestly if a post has over 150 comments there is way more to the story then being asked to be an honorary bridesmaid jfc take a second and update yourself.

Go to the wedding and photobomb all her photos saying, "Honorary Bridesmaid!" Or RSVP yourself and your husband and no show so she's out two meals. Seriously though, you need to drop this entire circle of Frenemies.

I am so angry and sad for you. This is despicable, and you deserve so much better after being such a great friend to her. She sounds like one of those people who's racist but doesn't think they are because they have a black friend. I'm so, so sorry for what you've been through, but at least now she's showing you her true colors. I hope you cut ties with her because you don't need someone like her in your life.

Oh Sweetheart, you are above and beyond her in so many ways.

Please do not let her make you think she is your friend. At all.

Like others, I am shaking with anger and disgust at her. Her actions first and foremost but to give you the "I am disappointed in you" line...I can't even.

She stays with you several nights a week? Gee, you're good enough for that, eh?

Really and truly, Hon, pay yourself more respect and her a lot less. i admire you for your selfless and forgiving heart but I am hurting at the thought of how she treats you.

We're here to help from afar xoxoxox

Are you fucking kidding me? your latest update makes me so angry for you. she is a piece of shit do not apologize and do NOT go to this wedding, this girl is not your friend she is scum.

And another thing...

Can you tell I am still so upset I could spit?

That bullshit about giving you time to reflect--what are you, a child?

How fucking condescending can one person be??????

You can let her know you reflected all right--reflected right out of her life.

Please let us know how you are doing ((hugs))