Honorary Bridesmaids? Yes or no!

I'd say no and just go as a guest. I'd be hurt too

EDIT: Well, after reading your update, I wouldn't attend as a guest either!!!

EDIT2: After reading your second update, I'd just drop her as a friend altogether!

I would turn it down personally. It sounds like a pity position.

Wait...what? She was your MOH and you are not even in her wedding when she has 9 bridesmaids? Am I missing something?

Other than that...NO, honorary bridesmaid is crap. That is just something to make you feel better because she knows she is wrong.

Does the FH not like you? Does her mom not like you? There is more to this...must be. 9 maids and you are not one, huh???

I understand where you're coming from. I honestly don't even know what being an honorary BM even means and sounds like you were a 2nd thought. However, just because she was your MOH doesn't mean she's obligated to involve you to the same extent. I feel like not going would hurt your friendship, just be prepared for that. But why do you think she didn't have 9 BMs? That's a little weird to think she's lying about that. But you could inform her that her and her FHs sides don't have to match

True, she doesn't have to involve you to the same extent in her wedding, and the honorary BM thing may be her realizing all you did for her big day. I think you should just attend as a guest.

I would decline the offer and tell her I was happy to attend as a guest.

I would like to add that for the past 2 years we have been seeing each other at least 3-4 times (sometimes more) a week as we lived 5 minutes apart. Even though l moved in with my husband 1 hour away, we still see each other twice a week at least. I even slept over at her house 3 days ago. We stayed up all night together in the house. She called me her bestfriend or am l one of all her bestfriends. I feel like l have given her so much more importance than she is giving me right now. She was the first person l mentioned my engagement to, and since then she said she wanted the same too. We looked together for rings, thought about how to make her boyfriend propose. We looked for bridesmaids dresses together, etc. Even as she was informing me l will be a honorary bridesmaid, we were togethershopping for her wedding.

I dont want to seem petty, but l don’t even feel like attending the wedding anymore. Almost everyone at that wedding will be looking down on me or talking behind my back as they almsot all know she was my MOH. But when she asked me, l was so shocked that l responded, “okay, thank you!” Can l take back my words?

I would just say no

We'll at least you know where you stand with her. I'd decline and attend the wedding as a guest. You don't need her pity title.

I would be hurt too. I think that being asked to be an "honorary bridesmaid" would actually be more hurtful than just being invited to the wedding, especially with the weird reasoning. You don't need to decide now about attending the wedding. Say no to the honorary bridesmaid thing and don't do any more wedding things with her. Decide how you feel about the wedding when you get an invitation. Not going to the wedding might hurt your friendship (not that her asking you to be an honorary bridesmaid hasn't), so you need to be sure that you are ok with that.

ETA: I saw your update. You can take it back. You were put on the spot. Just say that you felt awkward and didn't know what to say at the time, but you would really rather not be an honorary bridesmaid.

Yes, please take them back. I'm sorry you are being treated like that. You could say to her "thank you for thinking of me (ha!?) but I think it's best if I just attend as a guest" ..... that's being super nice

Big nope, and this could seriously affect a friendship if I were in your place.

Absolutely take back your words, and decline to go to the wedding! If you don't want to confront it, make up an excuse about work. But you have every right to tell her how you feel about being an "honorary" bridesmaid and how hurt you are by that.

Does she have a ton of sisters she feels obligated to include? (Doesn't make it right, just trying to understand her reasoning)

You can definitely take it back. I'm sorry she's treating you this way. An 'honorary bridesmaid' sounds like BS

Why are you questioning her having 9 bridesmaids originally? If her FH has sisters, she may be forced to include them (a practice I seriously hate) plus her own (again, a practice I hate).

Thank you for your responses.

I do not want to be a honorary bridesmaids but doesn’t want to seem petty by saying no. And she might get hurt ?? if l refuse. I just have to find a nice and polite way to turn down her honorary bridesmaid suggestion and attend as a guest at least.

I get along pretty well with her mom and even more with her fiancé.

For the person who asked why l was doubting she had 9 to start with and did think of me as a bridesmaid from the beginning; she forgot she used my account and l did see the bridemaids big gift boxes a couple of months ago at her place. She did order 8 to start with. According to her new story, her fiance just told her she can’t have 9, but she made those orders way before that and it was definitely 8. Plus she always told me she’d rather have an even number of bridesmaids because it looks better on pictures. Especially when l was getting married. I had an odd number (because l do not care) and she convinced me to get it back to an even number. I didn’t want to confront her about all this to avoid any tension between us.

I guess it’s okay. She probably doesn’t see our friendship the same way.

By the way, she has 1 sister and he has none.

And her wedding is May 2018. Exactly 1 year after mine (for the person who asked)

I don't think it's necessary for her to ask someone to be in her BP just be she was in the other person's BP, but I do understand why you feel hurt.

The honorary BM thing is insulting. You're either a BM or you're not, there is no in between. By asking you to be an honorary BM, she's pretty much telling you that you're not good enough to be a BM. I'd absolutely tell her that you felt incredibly awkward when she asked you about that, and that you'd truly just prefer to be a regular guest.

How far away is her wedding? I'd wait to decide until much closer how you feel about attending. You may decide after a few months that you want to go support her as a guest, or you might find that you still feel the same way and really don't want to go.

I don't think you need to protect her feelings. She is trying to give you a fake title to feel better. You can say no. If you want to preserve the friendship and avoid possibly looking petty, say that you would rather not be an honorary bridesmaid and would rather attend as a guest.

But it does look like she doesn't see your friendship the same way. You may want to start enforcing strict boundaries around her. No wedding talk or wedding help. Don't let her use your account and no more wedding shopping trips. I think that is important to your mental health. If it continues you will probably feel used and resentful (more so than you do now).

Honourary BM is an insult. That's why we hate that title so much around here. It hurts people's feelings, for good reason. I don't blame you at all for being hurt.

I'd just decline and say you'll just attend as a guest. I'd also back away from the friendship somewhat.

Weddings parties aren't tit for tat though, and just because you asked her doesn't mean she was obligated to ask you.

Ugh this makes my heart ache for you. This is incredibly hurtful. I'd pass on the offer, trust your gut that it's not genuine. Consider skipping if you think it would be too hard/hurtful. You don't owe her anything, she's made that clear.