Honorary Bridesmaids? Yes or no!

Ouch...I'd be hurt, too. I'd probably still go to her wedding (maybe), but I'd tell her thanks but no thanks to the "honorary bridesmaid" idea. Definitely would want nothing to do with that.

You're definitely not over-reacting and I'd feel hurt too but I think you might regret not attending her wedding at all. Just let her know that you'll be happy to attend as a guest and that's all. And don't let her rope you into helping with any wedding prep.

A potential BM is under no compulsion to accept a request from a bride; an honorary BM, which is not a BM, is under less compulsion to accept. All you have to do is say, "No, I'm sorry. I don't think I can be one of your honorary BMs." Leave it there and see if you receive an invitation to the wedding. If she pushes you for an excuse, just tell her that you are not comfortable fulfilling a position you wouldn't ask anyone to fulfill at your own wedding. If she gets offended, tell her you obviously have two different philosophies on the subject.

I'm sorry you were subjected to this rude and idiotic trend -- something that is completely backwards. An honor attendant is selected because the bride wishes, above everything else, to honor the individual in question. An individual is not selected because the bride wants another pair of hands and another wallet to assist her in her pre-wedding activities. It's such a rude concept that it's shocking.

I agree that this is not how one should treat their "best friend." I tend to be straightforward about how I feel. Are you comfortable with having a direct conversation with her; understanding that it may be a relationship-ending talk? If not, how about responding: "Thanks for asking me to be your Honorary BM. After some thought, I realized I should be focusing on my first year of marriage and shouldn't commit to something that I might not have time for. I can't wait to be there for your wedding though!"

You should politely decline her offer but wait a bit to decide whether or not you'd like to attend as a guest

I am not american- so my opinion might be completely wrong. In my culture we are much more direct with friends. I would just tell her that the honorary BM title is hurting my feelings and see what she responds. You have the option of not going at all , going as a guest or confronting her, either way your friendship will suffer. But with asking and telling her about your hurt feelings, there is a chance of saving it. So sorry you got hurt!

That is absolutely rude! I wonder how she would have felt if you asked her to be an honorary bridesmaid. I really hope you decline :/

I would definitely say no.. its almost like a slap in the face.

She would have been better off saying nothing about the bridal party to you at all. That "honorary bridesmaid" thing is complete crap. If you two were close enough for her to be your MOH and for you to be the ONLY person dress shopping with her, she should have the decency to at least be honest with you instead of trying to offer you this half-assed attempt to placate you. I would tell her flat out that your feelings are hurt and try to work through it and maybe give it some time. My initial response would be saying no to honorary BM AND attending the wedding, but maybe if you talk to her she can try to actually apologize for the insult. Otherwise I think the friendship is in jeopardy. You're not wrong at all for feeling hurt.

While there is no obligation to ask someone to be BM just because you were in their wedding, there is an obligation to ask if you keep asking them to help with pre-wedding activities, especially if you are having a very large bridal party.

Hell no. That is not an honor, it's a snub. And personally, I think she's acting like an ass. Even looks better in photos? And her fiance says she "can't have nine"? That's horseshit. This is not a person you need as a friend. She has managed this whole thing horrendously, and I too would be very, very hurt. It sounds like the only person trying to step up to the friendship plate is you.

I wouldn't even go to the wedding honestly.

People grow apart. Dem's the facts. If you were the last possibility? That might be a fact to face. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it certainly doesn't mean you have to be polite in your turndown. It just means this isn't the same as it was.

"I've reconsidered and I really don't want to participate in this way."

I get it, sort of. the hurt feelings suck, but don't let this one decision ruin what sounds like a long friendship. wedding planning makes people crazy.

Just because she was your MOH, does not mean she has to have you in her wedding. that old rule is has faded. You can decline the honorary position she's offered you, but you should still attend her wedding. She was with you through your event and she was there on your day, you should at least support her on her day, at the very least, as a guest.

Why would anyone be talking about your behind your back or looking down at you? No one is going to care why you're not in her wedding when she was in yours a year prior. The other guests are not there for you on that day - they are there for her and her husband.

I would decline and go as a guest. It's so weird to me you went gown shopping with her and you're the one who does not make the cut.

If you decide to not go at all you could just add that you and hubby are planning your own anniversary plans since it's 1 year from your own. And then plan to get out of town and enjoy your own time and make new memories of your own. I would probably be hurt as well with the second thought title.

UPDATE: l couldn’t sleep at night. I just called her 1st bridesmaid to ask how things were going and if she is enjoying her bridesmaid gift.

She said she was surprised l was not part of it when our mutual friend said l wont be one as ahe asked her who else will be a bridesmaid. My “friend” told her that me being the only black in the WP will mess up the uniformity and won’t make the pictures look nice. Moreover apparently it will draw too much unneeded attention to me as even though she will stand out the most as the bride, l will also stand out too much being so obviously different, which might make it look like it was about me when we will all be standing together.

At this point l guess there is nothing l can do about it. It’s not even a reason l can work on or change. At the end of the day, it’s her wedding. Now there is no doubt, l will try to nicely decline this “honor.” The reason makes me feel even worse, but at least l understand why she didn’t know how to explain it to me. It’s not an easy subject even though l see what she is talking about.

I an ashamed to explain such thing to my family as they all think l am being petty and a bad friend for refusing to be a (honorary) bridesmaid. I couldn’t even mention to some of them she just wants me as a honorary one. I just said, “l don't want to.” “why?” “.......” l feel like a total looser and can’t explainthe whole thing to them. I just want them to accept my decision without judging and having to know the reason. It’s all good. That whole thing makes me wanna cry.

OP hell no. This is fucked up. I would say no and probably not even go..

I'm sorry but this bothered me.... "thought about how to make her boyfriend propose"

WAIT<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck that bitch. She'd be dead to me if I were you.

That bitch would be dead to me after your last update. Fuck her.

WOW, OP this was fucked before your latest update now it is REALLY fucked up. Not only would I decline the 'honorary bridesmaid' bullshit title but I would decline the wedding invite and decline that fucking friendship all together.

She doesn't want you in her BP because your skin color will mess up here photos????? You need to drop this girl NOW. That is so wrong on so many levels. You deserve a better friend than that.