Honorary Bridesmaids? Yes or no!

Agree with other posters. Honorary bridesmaid is almost an insult.

This update is sickening and heartbreaking. She is ignorant and pretty damn racist. You do not deserve this! Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I'd decline the whole wedding all together!

This girl is not your friend. She's a horrible person and you are better off without her.

Unbelievable! OP, that's terrible. I would be ending that friendship for good. Your best friend should care more about having you stand up next to her on her wedding day than about your skin color being different. How racist of her! I do not think a friendship could recover from knowing that's the reason you were excluded from her BP. It is so wrong and I am so sorry she is treating you this way.

Hell no, I would not attend her wedding at all and that would be the end of our friendship. Since she thinks you would ruin her pictures because you're black. She no longer deserves your friendship. Upsets me for real!!

They all sound fucking horrible. Please try to keep in mind that the people who are horrible in this scenario are solidly THEM.

And don't go.

This friendship is not worth saving. She is a terrible friend and a terrible person. She has shown you that she is superficial and racist. Don't be nice and don't spare her feelings. And tell anyone who asks that you are no longer friends because she is racist and superficial. That is something for her to be embarrassed about, not you.

ETA: more words

Can you trust the word of this other BM? I'd be inclined to confront the bride to see if that's true. If it is, drop that ish like a hot potato!

Well..you should obviously not be attending this wedding.

Nor should you even grace her with friendship any longer. That behavior is unacceptable.

Fuck her.

What the actual fuck....I honestly wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and hope it was a misunderstanding. Like she had only bridesmaids, no MoH, and wanted to make you a bit more important than the others for all you've done to help and for having her back when no one did. Earlier this year, my best friend asked if I still wanted her in my bridal party when she told me she was pregnant. I said, "of course, why the hell wouldn't I?" Apparently, her sis-in-law kicked a bridesmaid out of her bridal party because she got pregnant. I thought that was the worst. I think not including you in her bridal party because of your skin color is the worst insult imaginable.

Don't be ashamed, tell your family the truth about why you declined, decided not to attend, and END your "friendship" with this bitch, which based on your posts is completely one-sided anyway. If this woman honestly believes it's okay to exclude you for a fucked up reason like that she's a completely self-centered bitch and is just trying to make herself feel better about excluding you by making you an, "honorary bridesmaid" or even worse just wants to keep using you, because that's what it seriously sounds like. Like you're a companion to her, but not her friend. That you're accessible and helpful so she keeps you around. This is such horse shit. You deserve better and no way in hell does she deserve you and your friendship.

Wow that hurts.....I would turn down the position because it's definitely a pitty position but I think you have every right to be hurt. I would just attend as a guest

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be a guest at the wedding of someone who devalued me based on the color of my skin.

This is beyond fucked up. I'm sorry that you're hurting OP, but she is NOT a friend. She's a horrible person and not worth a second of your time... though I would definitely give her a piece of my mind before completely dropping her.

Dear God... Do not go to that wedding, screw her and her racist ass. Even before that last comment you were not overreacting, that was disrespectful move in the first place.

I would take it back as well. This isn't right.

I'm really sorry that she is the one who is in the wrong and yet you are the one suffering from pain and embarrassment because of her actions. That is such a fucking hard thing to find out about someone you thought was your friend... but you don't need to carry that around all by yourself. Even if you're not feeling up to confronting her yourself yet or telling friends and family what's happened, please lean on your husband. It's really easy to minimize the bad stuff that somebody does to us, but just imagine how you'd feel if somebody pulled something similar on one of your loved ones... you would feel furious on their behalf. You have every right to feel upset by what she did to you too. Saying that she doesn't want you in her party because it would "throw off the pictures" or because she thinks you might "upstage her" really shows what kind of person she is and how much she doesn't value you. At the end of the day, BMs don't stand up there for her to get pretty photos. BMs are there bc the bride wants you to share in one of the most special and sacred moments in their life. It's not about aesthetics, it's about love and family. Also I just can't get over how overtly racist it is to say that you being black would throw off pictures... like really? It just shows what her priorities really are. Like I know you were kind of trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she doesn't deserve it. Really. Your friend not only sounds incredibly shallow, but also extremely racist. Your wedding day is not about being the center of attention. Being upstaged should not be something she is worried about. It's a celebration of the union of love, and the friends and family who love and support you most. Based on what you've told us, you CLEARLY should be included in that. I can't tell you what to do or how to handle this, but to me it seems that not doing anything and not confronting her would be harmful to your well being. For now, if you need to, take time to yourself, hang with your hubby, other friends, etc. Give yourself time to process all your feelings, and then when you're ready, say what you need to say to her. Something along the lines of, what you did was really hurtful, you obviously don't value our friendship, and you're really racist. For my own well-being, I can't be friends with someone who doesn't value my (considerable) efforts as a friend more than the supposed aesthetics of her wedding photos. Personally, I would cut all ties and not attend the wedding, but again, I can't tell you what to do... just know that she deserves to be dragged for this, even if you don't feel like doing it. I'm so sorry that your friend turned out to be such a shitty person after you have invested so much time and emotional energy into this relationship.

This is majorly fucked up. Your "friend" is a Grade A jerk and a racist. You should drop her out of your life entirely. You don't need that shit in your life.

I'd say no

The only times I've heard of doing this are:

1. A girl who had all her sorority sisters as honorary bridesmaids

2. A girl whose close friend had another commitment the weekend of the wedding but was involved in all pre-wedding bridesmaid activities (bachelorette, shower, diy, etc)

This person is NOT a friend, a real friend would NEVER EVER EVER do this to you. She is a RACIST FUCKING BITCH, and I have a very very strong feeling that you are her "token black friend" to make herself look better to others. But a true friend would NEVER EVER see your skin color like that, and would not give a SHIT what color you are in her fucking wedding pictures!!!

OMG, I am so mad for you I could just slap that little C * * T across her fucking ugly face, because no matter what she looks like, someone with that ugly of a soul is just UGLY, no way around it.

i am so sorry you have to deal with this. I would decline in a heartbeat!!

What the fuck?! I am so angry for you. Fuck that racist piece of shit. Call her out on it, see what she has to say, and tell her that she is no longer a part of your life. Make her dead to you. And embarrass the fuck out of her. Tell EVERYONE. She deserves NOTHING from you but coldness, if that. She was NEVER your friend, and I agree that you were probably her "token". Do not be afraid or embarrassed to tell others why you declined. This is beyond fucked up.