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Champion August 2017

Fired bridesmaid

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Mrsbdg, on March 20, 2018 at 8:35 AM

Hey all!

This morning my cousin decided to "terminate" me as one of her bridesmaids. I was already sort of pressured into agreeing to be a bridesmaid in the first place because she is a favorite in the family.

Towards the end of the call she mentioned that she would still be "okay" if my DH and I came but that I was "banned" from wearing the $400 BM dress I literally just got 🙄

So:
If you've been "fired" would you still attend (there would be significant family drama for skipping out)?

As a "fired" BM would you go out and get another gown foresaking your recently purchased dress? (It's super simple black sweetheart spaghetti strap full a-line/bordering on ball gown)

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168 Comments

VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 20, 2018 at 12:31 PM
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Oh no he didn't! If your cousins happiness rides on your upper lip then she has much bigger problems than you. Let it ride. The parents will kick and scream. I am super curious to know why she picked you with the 'hairy' upper lip as her BM, she knew about your lip, so silly. Good on you for standing your ground. I had a friend in a wedding where all of the bridesmaids had to get long weaves. I would have lost my *beep* if I was even asked. We would have no longer been friends after that request.
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VIP June 2019
Vanessasaurus · on March 20, 2018 at 12:33 PM
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I'd see if they'd exchange it for a white gown and wear that instead #teampetty
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Super March 2019
Nisa · on March 20, 2018 at 12:45 PM
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Wow. She's garbage. I would go in the dress 💁🏻‍♀️
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VIP September 2018
EngineerInLove · on March 20, 2018 at 12:58 PM
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I.... I wish I had words for this. I'm sorry Dad, but WTF!!??!??
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Devoted October 2018
Stephanie · on March 20, 2018 at 1:07 PM
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Totally get that! I have a cousin who is already throwing a fit because I'm getting married two weeks before her birthday... I'm getting a whiskey sour fountain to cool her attitude so she doesn't act up at our wedding 🙄
On a more serious note, that is such a crappy situation and I'm sorry you're in this position! I hope it turns out alright!
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Devoted October 2017
AmandaJHGV · on March 20, 2018 at 1:28 PM
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I... wow. Just wow.
It's not like she'd never seen you before she asked you to be a BM, and I'm 100% convinced she deliberately waited until after you'd purchased the dress and paid into the BM gift before telling you to "clean up" because she figured you'd cave if you'd already spent all that money. Super manipulative.
If it were me, I'd force her to be the bad guy: tell her that due to budget constraints you won't be able to wear a different dress from the one you already purchased, and that it's totally her call whether she'd prefer to have you attend in that dress or to not have you there at all and that you'll gladly do whichever of those things she prefers because you "want her to be happy on her special day" (gag). Force HER to make that decision. She'll balk, of course, but just keep pushing until she decides one way or the other.
Then tell EVERYBODY. Either at the wedding when people comment that your dress looks a lot like the bridesmaids dresses ("Oh, I got kicked out of the wedding party, but since I couldn't return the dress the bride permitted me to wear it anyway.") or when people ask why you aren't going/didn't go ("Oh, I got kicked out of the wedding party and the bride didn't want me there.").
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Savvy October 2018
Sara · on March 20, 2018 at 1:50 PM
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Ok if she is that worried about something that literally does not matter I can't imagine how crazy the rest of its going for her. If you go (I get the family drama stuff) just have fun and maybe get a few drinks you just wanted to try and don't finish. I might just go and watch her fall apart over something minimal. It's most likely going to happen, just sit back take a drink and go whew I don't have to help her figure out the bathroom. Laughing as it goes down is allowed and encouraged!
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Master June 2018
KarenO · on March 20, 2018 at 1:53 PM
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I'm also sorry to hear about this situation. That's really unacceptable for her to ask you that. I'm not sure whether I'd wear the dress or not, but I'd probably still go, since you have paid for so much already.
Sorry to hear your dad's comment too - that actually made me angrier. I hope you don't get too much flack from your family over it.
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VIP January 2019
Heather · on March 20, 2018 at 1:58 PM
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I am sorry she did that. It is pretty horrible. (There are adjectives I wanted to use in front of that horrible, but they don't meet community standards). If it were me, I would let the whole family know that she asked me to change who I am as a person, and when I declined, she kicked me to the curb. I would turn it around on her, (as it rightfully should be), so that I know any family member who takes her side isn't someone I care to associate with any way. I am all about ridding myself of toxic people. I wouldn't go to the wedding, nor would I speak to her ever again.
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Super September 2019
Will & Tiara · on March 20, 2018 at 1:59 PM
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Some weird tension between the two of you. You should go to the wedding and just change your dress. You're beautiful and she's probably a little intimidated by you and does not want you to outshine her. Change it for an equally gorgeous frock, wish her well, give her a generous gift with a beautiful card wishing her and her beau all the best. In other words, be the better person. After this is over, you may decide not to see her again, but at least you had the dignity to respect her wishes (and accept her insecurities by being fired) and move on to be your fabulous self.
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Super October 2018
Stacey · on March 20, 2018 at 2:05 PM
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I wouldn't go and I would wear that dress out someplace (fancy date night!) and post pics all over social media. Clearly this person isn't a WW member or she would know better. lol
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Savvy September 2018
Lyndee · on March 20, 2018 at 2:12 PM
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Not good etiquette but I would rsvp yes and not show up. Then wear the dress out somewhere fancy.
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Beginner August 2018
MrstobeKR · on March 20, 2018 at 2:21 PM
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If I was you, I would feel more disappointed by her actions than anything else, keep your beautiful dress that might be too nice for her wedding anyways, buy myself an even more beautiful dress and go to that wedding, and own it, I mean after all she was the one on the wrong not you.
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on March 20, 2018 at 2:27 PM
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Woah... some cousin... Do people understand bridesmaids aren't models that are hired to look a certain way for pictures.... Can you return the dress or wear it for something else? As far as attending the wedding, I would go if a lot of people that you'd like to see are going. That way she has to pay for you to be there :p. But if you could care less about seeing the family that is attending I'd say don't bother going.
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Super November 2018
Kiwibride · on March 20, 2018 at 2:35 PM
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I'm so angry for you, this is complete BS. Nobody gets to tell someone to change their body, what you do with it is completely your choice and I'm glad you stood your ground.

Personally I would go, probably in the dress but with a shawl or something so it wasn't too obvious. If you show up she can't just play it off that you had to drop out because you couldn't be there, people will know how horrible she is. Just be prepared for everyone to be staring at your upper lip all night trying to figure out what was so offensive about it.
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Devoted October 2018
Brittany · on March 20, 2018 at 3:43 PM
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Aww heck no. Pfttt I'd be darned if you gonna tell me what I need to do besides what dress is need. I'm petty at times and I'd show up IN the dress WITH a stick on mustache just for fun. That's wayyy over stepping the line.
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Master May 2018
A.Magill.Since.May · on March 20, 2018 at 3:46 PM
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That's horrible! I would ask her to give you at least part of the dress cost back since you had to spend it for her wedding and she's kicking you out for not being a good photo prop. I also would not attend, but I don't think I would remain on speaking terms with her for that either.
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Super April 2018
emcknight1517 · on March 20, 2018 at 3:50 PM
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Wtf? Your dad should be defending his daughter. ESPECIALLY if he knows the reason why she kicked you out of the bridal party. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. (Also I'd Venmo charge her the money for the dress and wear it to the wedding if she doesn't pay you. And no card or extra gift.)
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Dedicated September 2019
Disneydarlin2019 · on March 20, 2018 at 3:57 PM
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Oh fun your cousin sounds like a blank not gonna go there I'd show up with the dress and rock it
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on March 20, 2018 at 4:01 PM
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Aw shucks.....thanks. Your did NOT call you a femi-nazi. Oh no he did not. (Yes Malted Milk, he did.) I would say "Dad, is this relative's happiness more important than MY FEELINGS? I am, oh I don't know.....your daughter?" I hate hate hate these situations as the person in the wrong is usually very manipulative and used to getting their way - they look good while the wronged party (you) looks petty (which you are not.) Ugh - these situations are the worst. I am so sorry. Please post pics of the dress and update us as well.
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