Empty wedding fund woes

@Jessie- I'm in the Bay Area in California. I guarantee groceries are just as expensive here as they are where you are. We also have FH 2 kids. We make it work.

Amber, what if you go up to the bar for a drink and suddenly have to pay? You don't have your purse on you. Embarrassing. Also the guests should NOT be required to subsidize your wedding. If you can't afford drinks, you can't afford that many people.

@Amber OP's plan is worse than doing a complete cash bar because guests won't know when the cutoff is. I would be pissed to walk up to a bar where I just received a free drink to now learn I have to pay. You are being just as cheap towards your guests. You can say all you want "my family and friends aren't big drinkers" but the reality is you have no idea how much people will drink at a wedding. If you cannot afford to provide a full open bar then only offer beer & wine. It's generally more cost friendly and is still within etiquette standards.

@EW, you realize that flight to Hawaii generally start at $700. In what world is that affordable for most people in the US???? Let's pretend that you do decide to camp on the beach, are you seriously eating fish everyday for every meal. Still, you need to rent camping equipment and fishing gear. Even with the bare essentials a week long trip to Hawaii is easily 1k. Again, NOT easily affordable to most people. Also, Hawaii has one of the highest costs of living in the US.

EW, the state of Hawaii requires a permit for camping and nothing is $5.00. To fish you pretty much need a boat, btw. Nothing is cheap there. That's full of shit.

Ok, again, I'm not going to argue further with you.

@Amber: You some seem to get it. On a lot of threads, for that matter.

OP shouldn't be dictating to her GUESTS that she is HOSTING when they can and cannot drink. If she wants to host beer and wine, she needs to do so all night, not for an hour. If she wants an open bar, again, it needs to be all not, not for an hour.

This is an adult affair, not a fucking frat party where they're haphazardly pooling resources of everyone there trying to get by.

@EW: Seriously? You're actually suggesting someone spend the money to fly out to Hawaii and CAMP on the beach, catch their own fish, and cook on a campfire? Oh, well, there's the honeymoon of their dreams, I'm sure. *eyeroll*

Also, how tf would you know what groceries cost? You have yours delivered. You don't even go to the grocery store, you've said so yourself.

Actually no they don't. I flew there in October for $300 roundtrip. We rented a place for $59 a night and bought food from Costco. And who said anything about staying a week? We went for 4 days.

Amber? The bar thing (besides being rude and confusing) is the least of it.

It's the 'we have no money but we're going to have a big party' part of it.

@Leah- guess I'm still waiting for the bitch slap of reality. I'm 37 and so far everything has worked out just fine.

@mna I didn't say it live paycheck to paycheck. But I've definitely seen friends be honest, even on Facebook. But if it was also talked about in private messages. But I did say I hope it works out because I truly do, not because I think a fairy will come out and change something. But that either extra work or scaling back helps but not magically.

Hawaii and affordable don't go in the same sentence.

@EW-I can guarantee not. I'm in Ontario. Almost all our produce from October to June is imported. We pay $0.89/lb for bananas. Four litres of milk costs $6 (that's not organic), grapes are $3.99/lb, apples are $2.49/lb. A 5lb bag of potatoes is $5. A loaf of bread is $3. So, tell me again how expensive your groceries are?

@Katie: That's the thing. OP IS living paycheck to paycheck. They're not going to have some magical windfall that will solve all of their problems overnight.

@EW-do you understand catastrophic? House fire, natural disasters, accident resulting in loss of mobility or any part of your life. Do you have insurance to cover any of that? Barring that, you also need savings. What happens if you get cancer or your FH does and cannot work? What do you do? For someone who's two years younger than me, you have a fuckton of growing up to do.

@EW: Tell me again how oh, so affordable a trip to Hawaii is airfare-wise. Please not the prices listed in the pic are for ONE person. Double it for a couple.

Welcome to the real world, where flights actually cost real money.

I'm starting to agree that @EW isn't a real person after all. People who really don't understand how the world and finances work just can't actually exist, can they?

I know that... I'm not saying overnight...not once did I say overnight. It's small things over a period of time. She should be setting up a plan that will help her get there.

@MNA- I just can't believe someone in their late 30s is like that. I've met 20somethings like that, but it was because their parents and/or SOs would bail their arses out if they go in too deep.

Fuck, I said to myself I wasn't going to clarify any more, but I will say it one last time. My parents have asked to pay for it, they have also asked that we do it THIS summer for medical and personal reasons. These are the only reasons we have even considered a wedding this year. There is no fly by the seat of our pants mentality because we started our own wedding fund to suppliment theirs just in case. Unfortunately due to a long series of events our emergency funds were used up and then a few week later our WEDDING FUND was used up as well. We hit a shit patch in life that took everything we had set aside and then some so this was not anything that could have been anticipated. And further more, the funds from my parents are in the form of stocks they specifically saved for this purpose, thus there is no fear of there being no funds at all, just a small question on the exact pay out. But thanks everybody for assuming the worst of our intelligence and planning skills. The attitude of judgement and attack that this thread took IMMEDIATELY out of the gate really has made it clear where the heart of this place lies. Again, thank you to everyone who has had something constructive to say (some of the financial websites look promising, ty) and the suggestions on budget friendly wedding ideas are great as well!

@Jessie: I've done my share of struggling, but am finally getting to a point in my life where _I_ feel financially stable. That's not even taking DF into account. At least on my part it hasn't been for a lack of trying though. Being almost 40 and having absolutely no emergency plan? That's just irresponsible. JFC, I'm working on my second master's primarily because I know if something happens to DF, I can easily support myself well and take care of him with it, whether that means finding a job with a clinic or opening my own therapy practice. I want the financial security having that licensure will provide, because anything could happen at any point.