Empty wedding fund woes

@EW-are you fucking kidding me? Your advice to someone in a financially precarious situation is, "that's okay, just spend money you don't have. If a true emergency comes along, you'll be pooched, but your wedding will have been fabulous!"

I. Just. Can't.

Erin, that is a collection of some of the worst advice every typed here.

Adulthood is calling. Answer the phone.

I'm not saying she should sacrifice not having a place to live. I'm saying that just because she doesn't have tons of money in savings doesn't mean she can't have a nice wedding. It's always good to have fall back money but plenty of people live their lives and figure it out. If adulthood no means skipping fun to save money for a rainy day then I'll skip it. I don't want to look back on life and have no experiences but a bank account full of money. Find a balance.

So let me get this straight, EW, you are advocating that people not have emergency savings, and that when they do have them, they should just spend them on frivolous things? Excellent advice. Way to be an adult.

That's advice I would have gladly taken in my late teens and early twenties. Good luck in catastrophic circumstances!

You should not be killing yourself if you cannot afford the wedding of your dreams. I'm sorry that's too much pressure for me. It's better to save and get exactly what you want and can afford. I know shit happens but I'm with your fiancé the last thing you should be worried about is the wedding.

And don't do cash bar please.

It is not a Midwest thing at all! I actually do live in the Midwest (Iowa) and have never been to a wedding that has only a cash bar. It is normal to have a cash bar for liquor, but beer and wine is always free all night. I know that a lot of our guests would leave if they had to pay for their own beer and the dance floor would be empty!

"Bank account full of money"....

How about being able to pay for your dead car before you start buying wedding shit?

"Tons of people live paycheck to paycheck and still manage to have beautiful weddings."

You're absolutely right. And tons of people also go bankrupt and divorce due to finances. But hey, go on and give people terrible advice.

I promise you, no one here is going to feel guilty for telling you the truth. Your friends and family? They'll lie to spare your feelings. We have nothing invested in your wedding. We couldn't care less if you have your ceremony in a tree and your reception in the sandbox. It's no skin off our teeth. We will tell you the truth, the way it is, and you can choose what to do with that information. But don't assume that you can tell us how to post or that you will make us feel bad for laying it on the line for you. Not going to happen.

OP-do you have an emergency savings account? Do you have life insurance? Do you have retirement savings plan? Does your FH have any of these things? We live on a single income, and we have all of these things plus we are saving for (an albeit) small wedding. The number one thing that breaks up relationships is money issues.

EW, I'm a marriage and family therapy masters student. There's a reason why we had an entire semester devoted to assisting couples that have financial issues since it's one of the top reasons people divorce.

So yeah, I'd say it's pretty fucking important. HaHa!

OP said she was going to start saving all over again. FH and I are getting married right before her and we haven't started saving yet. We have a plan starting this month. I think there is still time to save and plan. She's an adult. Let her make her own choices. She wasn't even asking for advice. Just venting. I get it!

OP, I'm not touching your lack of savings. However, there are two basics to a wedding. Good food and good drinks. If I'm taking off a random Monday, I would not expect to be buying my own drinks.

Cut your guest list down further and provide good food and drinks. Or push back the wedding to afford 40 people.

Erin wood did you fall and hit your head??? Do you not remember how this goes??? Anything OP brings up, which her financial situation was brought up, is fair game.

MFEW- giving out yet the worst advice ever.

You should ALWAYS have savings of some sort- you need to be able to pay rent and eat food.

these are basic necessities. Trust me I'm about as YOLO as it fucking gets- I'll live under a bridge and have the most beat face every- but guess what- I'm always saving money- one way or the other- living pay check to pay check is NOT a good idea.

In any world.

Get yourself over to Mr.Money Mustache or Dave Ramsey and start changing your life.

News flash- your debt IS an emergency.

I haven't even caught up on comments, but Dawn, the way you phrased your comment about knowing nothing about weddings made it sound like we told you that, when in fact we didnt

Again the wedding should not be a financial burden, noone is telling you how or what to spend your money on but rather bringing up things that you may not have thought about ex..savings, retirement, insurance, getting out if debt etc to just bring it to your attention that these are all important factors in a marriage...more important than having a wedding. We hit a financial wall last year buying our home and having a new born, our solution ..we pushed back the wedding I've been engaged over 3 years to make sure that everything else besides the wedding was in order ..NOW we have fully funded our wedding without having to stress about "if i give this deposit will i have money to pay the light bill"

EW, just because YOU haven't started saving doesn't mean the OP will be fine. You have the most amazing way of seeing things only from your own experience. The OP may not have the income to be able to save as quickly as you, is that not obvious?

"....worried that our plans for the summer will fall through due to this set back."

Doesn't sound like someone who is "happy, healthy and thriving" to me!

Additionally, you shouldn't be relying on your parents to pay for the wedding. You should have your own money set aside. What happens if THEY end up having a financial emergency and can't afford to provide what they said they would?

To be clear to the newbies, no one on this site is shaming any bride/groom on here for having a small budget wedding. But if you have to dip into your savings for the wedding to pay for a financial setback, then you didn't budget wisely because you should have an emergency savings FIRST.

OP, get out your goddamn feelings.

I understand that. Of course!! I'm just saying she has time. Her parents offered to help a bit so just let her figure it out. There are ways to cut corners and save extra money. FH and I are on a $50 a week food budget. We switched cable companies to save $100 a month. No more eating out or going out. Good luck OP. I see hope. Oh! And we got a roommate who pays us $1000 a month. Just added income and we never even see her.