Asking for Cash Isn’t Tacky!

View Quoted Comment Another great reason to not go traditional with a registry. Best of luck to you!

This thread is going to go 30 pages and the two sides will never see eye-to-eye.

Question for pro-cash people though: If your grandparents or FILs asked you what you wanted for Christmas, would you tell them money? I’m honestly curious here.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely! I always tell my family money or gift cards. They know me so they always give me cash or gift cards to Sephora or Ulta because I'm a makeup junkie.

"I don't understand why so many people have a problem with asking for money."

This thread is blowing my mind, wow! I would NEVER ever ask someone to give me money. It would be like inviting someone to your birthday party and then saying "I don't want gifts though, so just bring me cash." My mother would fall over dead if I ever pulled a stunt like that! We're all adults (or else we shouldn't be getting married) and adults should be able to manage their finances privately and without demanding $$$ from loved ones. I'm sure plenty of family will bring money in a card to the event anyways, there's certainly no need to tell them that's what you want. It sounds greedy and demanding to me. But where I was raised etiquette is very important - I just didn't realize there were so many people who thought etiquette was pointless!

View Quoted Comment Well my grandparents and FILs actually give money anyways. And if they ask I tell them I’m saving for a car or haven’t been out with FH in awhile. If I really need something I usually buy it.

This thread makes me embarrassed to be a millennial.

View Quoted Comment The fact that they usually give you money anyway illustrates my entire point.

I could never in a million years imagine asking for money from my family. I wasn’t even raised to be very polite or proper, honestly, but this would never occur to me.

Honestly if you want money and not stuff, just don’t make a registry. Do not ask for cash, just say nothing! People are not going to show up empty handed so you will get cash regardless - just don’t ask for it and you wont be considered tacky! It’s that easy.

View Quoted Comment Word. Just add it to the list

View Quoted Comment Can’t this go the other way too? Shouldn’t adults be able to stock their own kitchen cabinet with the things they need like spatulas or China? or buy their own hair straighteners? Why do I need to give people physical gifts? Aren’t we adults?

View Quoted Comment It’s not that I’m asking for money, it’s that I’m saying I don’t really need anything physical. If I do it’s usually socks or a car. I’m not going to ask for socks or a car. And my family knows this.

View Quoted Comment There is a person on this thread who said their family got 6 toasters doing this.

2 things - I've always thought of regular registries as couples asking for items they probably didn't need, especially when it got to multiples. To me it always came across as greedy. Like, do you really need a crystal dish set or did you just not know what to ask for? But despite my feeling this way, I had no problem getting something off the registry because I never made it about me.

2 - I've seen this debate all over WW. I actually came to read the die hard pro and con cash registry defenders battle it out. 🍿🍿🍿😀😀😀

But I think I'm more interested in where this etiquette rule came from. There was a time when it was rude to "air your dirty laundry". You don't ask for help because you are exposing personal problems to public scrutiny. You didn't ask for what you wanted, you didn't talk about mental health etc. Life was full of subtleties and people were rarely direct. Directness was rude.

I think my biggest beef with those who argue about not having a registry or having a small registry and guests "will get the hint" is the last part. It's 2018, why are we endorsing being passive in our communication with others? Everyone will not "get the hint." That's a ridiculous piece of advice to pass along.

I think it's worth exploring the societal landscape that led to the original etiquette rules and see if they fit our current landscape. If not, why are those etiquette rules still considered the rule of the land?

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For Christmas this year my mother individually wrapped 10 dollar bills for my step sister. In creative and spectacular ways! Like a note with a hint, and then she found the bill in the house. And in a GIANT box. And wound around a candy cane.

Because my step sister asked her for cash, she lives out of a backpack and travels the world (aren't we all jealous!) It was SUPER fun. And honestly we were all just really glad she made it back from Australia for Christmas. Just like I'll be really happy if she makes it back for my wedding!

And you know what, I didn't feel like getting her cash, so I got her a couple pairs of earrings. EASY. Its like we're all adults capable of making decisions and having fun and not policing other peoples families.

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I'm so about this! Seriously are we still asking people to "get the hint?" And not TELLING them things? Is that really how you want to start your marriage?

🤷🏻‍♀️even when I am asked what I want for the holidays I don't say anything because I feel it's not right to ask for specific things. Probably because I grew up very poor? I knew not to ask for a single thing because we just didn't have the money. I guess this is why I see asking for cash as not right.

Lots of people are comparing a honeymoon fund to a traditional registry, and that's not a fair comparison. To whoever said their brother got 6 toasters, that is what a registry is for, to prevent duplicate gifts. There is no issue with receiving duplicate money... no one will complain.

This goes for most of the "hot topics" on this site, if I thought that any of my guests would perceive something I was considering (honeymoon fund, cash bar, etc.) as tacky or in poor taste, I wouldn't even consider it. You can say that you will never please everyone but I think with these things it is worth a try.

View Quoted Comment Also, to add, my family has a giant group chat (grandparents aunts uncles cousins siblings nieces nephews) and every year around Christmas everyone will write what they want and the rule is always if you don't speak up about something specific, you're getting cash. Even the older folks ask for cash lol. Maybe it's just my family but we are comfortable with each other like that. It works for us, but wouldn't work for every family.

View Quoted Comment That’s a good point! I think in asking for money it shows a greater transparency than pretending that I still need Tupperware when I’ve lived alone for five years!

and it has been an interesting thread. 😇

I guess I am tacky too. I'm 30 years old and have had my own place for almost 10 years. If there is something out there that I need, I work hard and go buy it. My house is set. I just let my guests know that their presence is present enough, but if they insist, gift cards would be appreciated. If that makes me tacky, the so be it.