Asking for Cash Isn’t Tacky!

I just don’t understand why people get so fiesty over something a stranger across the country does
at their wedding🤔
Anywho I have a question as I haven’t given much thought to the whole registry thing yet, is the only place you’re supposed to list your registry without it being considered “tacky” your wedding website? Like absolutely don’t put anything about your registry with the invitations?

View Quoted Comment Never mind just read this

View Quoted Comment I think you are reading too far into the exact verbiage re: "have to". I'm not saying anyone "can't" have a honeyfund, certainly you "can" do whatever you want, but that doesn't mean that your guests aren't going to think it's rude or tacky just like a good number of posters here do. I'd be mortified if my guests thought I was doing something rude or tacky. If they didn't like my DJ or Officiant, that wouldn't bother me in the slightest. This example is a question of tradition and personal taste vs. etiquette.

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You honestly just made my point. Your worries about your guest are different from mine, because your guests are not my guests.

I know my people are far more interested in good drink, and good music, then if I did the exact right thing with my invitations & registry. I presume you know your guests better then I could ever know them, and I wouldn't tell you how to run your wedding. I would like to think you wouldn't tell me how to run mine, but I won't ever convince you that my family and friends won't think I'm tacky for any reason, you seem to think you know my guests better then I do. I doubt I'll ever change your mind. So I won't even try.

Wow.... It amazes me that even when this is a daily topic, a single post will go to 8 pages in no time. I was raised with "old fashioned" etiquette, and will never think it is appropriate to ask for a cash gift...or, for that matter, to "ask" for any gift. Left on their own, guests who want to give a wedding gift will most likely give a monetary gift, or if they prefer to give a physical gift they'll look for a registry or just buy something they want to give. And, any of those gifts should be graciously received and acknowledged, in the spirit they were given.

For those of you who are convinced the "rules" have changed and/or you have a right to do whatever you want to, go ahead, because you're going to any way. But, like a pp said, many of us who are in a financial position to give gifts of higher monetary value are of the mindset where we will find this behavior rude. If I receive an invitation with any kind of "cash fund" request, I am going to ignore it (for a number of reasons besides it being rude, including the fees withheld by the site, concerns about identity theft as a result of inputting my credit card info into some random website, etc.), I'm also going to think the sender was never taught or is choosing to ignore good manners. I will likely write a check and put it in a card with a personal note wishing the couple well. From their perspective, they got the money they wanted, but I think less of them in terms of their etiquette and social graces.

For one of my friends wedding I saw one of those honey fund sites where you can pay for their meal or a tour and I thought it was such a GOOD idea because wedding regristries always made me scratch my head... “why is an adult in their 30s asking for sheets?” And then I started joining wedding sites and I saw that this newer trend is considered tacky and it made me really bummed. My fiancé and I have everything we want appliance wise and we have no problem getting household things we need but often have a tough time spending money on frivolous things or treating ourselves. Having a website asking for gifts is just the same as a honey fund site and just because some people are stuck in their ways doesn’t mean that’s not a fact. Thanks for making me feel a little bit better about this, everyone telling you you’re doing something tacky sucks but at the end of the day, no one is forcing you to buy from the registry OR the honey fund. Just live your life and stop judging other people, it’s freeing.

Asking for cash isn't any tackier than handing someone a list of 'items to upgrade'. One is just more socially appropriate than the other.

I think the divide I'm seeing is that people are assuming that asking for cash is demanding cash. There is a VERY big difference between putting "Pls bring cash" on your invitation, and if someone inquires about what they should get you for your marriage saying "we have a lot of physical items already, would you like to send us the cash instead? It would mean more to us". The former is RUDE, the latter is simply telling the truth to someone who loves you enough to want to help you get your life started.

View Quoted Comment Agreed! Glad some of this crazy madhouse made you feel better! (: good luck!

View Quoted Comment Yes, and that’s the part that cracks me up. The people who think we’re “millenials” demanding things... I don’t see how that’s any different from making a registry? I’m not telling everyone “when you bring a gift make sure it’s a check”! Lol

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Right! It feels WAY weirder to me to make a list of items I want, when usually if the FW and I want something we order it on Amazon, or decide its to expensive for us right now and put off getting it. If its to expensive for me now, why do I assume my loved ones can afford it? It makes me feel like Dudley Dursley, "but last year, last year I had 37"!

Look, roughly half the people in this thread think asking for cash is rude. It’s not really a leap to think that roughly half the people at your wedding will think it’s rude (and likely more, since this board skews younger). So if you want to risk offending your guests by asking for money, when literally everyone knows you would like money anyway, then go ahead. You do you.

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I guess I just don't think this board accurately portrays the demographic of my wedding. And I bet a lot of the things my family does the people on the forum would find tacky. Doesn't make it true.

It's still rude. Why should I fund your backpacking trip? My favorite was when i got invited to a wedding and we were instructed to CALL and give the travel agent our payment info so we could finance the honeymoon, and there was a DEADLINE which was 3 months before the wedding. Um NO. And they didn't get a gift at all.

I'm your friend, not your investor. Save up and take a trip when you can afford it....

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Ok, see that is rude. Particularly if it was an INSTRUCTION. To me that is what makes it rude, that and it becomes an expectation, also that sounds like entirely to much effort on my part to give you a gift.

Whats the difference in funding my backpacking trip and funding my electric mixer? It sounds like a catty question, but I am honestly really curious.

View Quoted Comment I agree with it becoming more popular to have cash registries- they are built more about contributing towards experiences for the couple like money towards a trip, a couples massage at a romantic spa, a down payment for their first home, etc. helping create a special moment & memories to me is more personal anyways than buying a gift of a set of silverware. Weddings are what you want them to be- not everyone wears white anymore, or does all the traditional celebrations either- I do feel it is a sign of the times & the future....weddings & cash registries are becoming more & more accepted & supported (Zola!)

I think it’s tacky to judge a couple for having a honeyfund. The etiquette I was taught growing up was that you should not judge others. It’s even in the Bible, which I think trumps everything, including etiquette rules. It’s also just common decency. So I personally don’t attend weddings with the mindset of looking for things the couple did wrong and judging them as being tacky for any of the decisions they made. I would especially never give a lesser gift because I judged a couple for asking for cash, to me that’s one of the most tacky things someone can do. Giving a gift is supposed to come from a place of generosity and love. Luckily most of my family and friends are open-minded, loving, and non-judgmental. I certainly feel sorry for brides and grooms who have uptight judgemental families and friends and have to jump through all these hoops to try to please them. It would be so nice if everyone’s wedding day could just be about coming together to love and support the couple.

At the end of the day, it is up to the couple to do what they think is appropriate. If they don’t see anything wrong with asking for cash, they can. BUT it is good for them to be aware that a lot of people (myself included FWIW) DO think it’s tacky. If you can deal with the idea of people thinking you’re tacky, have at it.

View Quoted Comment Girl age does not have anything to do with it. I’m 20 and I 100% think asking for money is tacky. People will gift money if you don’t have a registry, you shouldn’t ask for it.

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Right! Age doesn't have a thing to do with it, my grandmother is almost 90 and she doesn't think its tacky at all.