Asking for Cash Isn’t Tacky!

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It is blowing my mind, too. Asking for money to fund your adult choices. "Hey come for dinner but please write a check - we want to go to Chicago this weekend!"

A lot of people don't thing etiquette is pointless, many want to have it where it is convenient for them.

Registries are so people don't give duplicate gifts. Way different than "Please put money in this cute Honeyfund Jar I bought at Hobby Lobby as we want to go to Hawaii."

View Quoted Comment Yes. I would probably resort to gift cards to specific places but same concept.

View Quoted Comment I don't think you know what socioeconomic status means lol.

I never tell anyone I want anything for Christmas but maybe that’s just me.

To those of you who mentioned a fund for a down payment on a house, good luck when the bank wants to know why they should hand hundreds of thousands of dollars to someone who couldn’t come up with their own down payment- and trust me, they’ll ask. We’re in the process, we currently own a home that’s fully paid off and will be sold to pay for said new home, and there’s still been a million questions.

People understand that things like travel and homes and life cost money. They don’t need to be told or be sent over to a website that charges a fee for fake excursions that result in a lesser cash gift to the couple (who technically doesn’t even need to go on the vacation, buy the house, put the floors in, etc).

I agree with this, and I'm sorry you're getting torn to pieces over it. Times change, and so do etiquette rules- they adapt. More and more couples live together long before getting married, or have little desire for physical things- it's part of a new generation. We value experiences over physical things. Couples aren't (usually) sitting there with their hands extended, demanding to be given cash. They're saying that, as an alternative, if someone wants to generously give them something, they'd prefer it be in the form of currency versus a physical item. FH and I have a small registry on our website for some nicer things (nice pot/pan set, etc), but also have an option to give an amount instead. Our family and friends know we've been living together and have everything we need (the only exception being a grandmother who wants to give us an heirloom rocking chair for when we have kids- which we turned down since we're likely not having children so it would be better suited for another one of her grandchildren.) They know we're saving for a house, etc., and I have no doubt that while a few people may actually go off the registry, many will choose the money option. While it may not match out-dated etiquette, one must admit that as times change, etiquette does too. Does every fiance ask the father of the bride before proposing? No. I would have been offended if FH HAD done that. I'm well prepared for everyone to pounce (as they usually do), but to those who are considering doing this, just don't be tacky about how you approach it, and do what you want. If you're comfortable with it and you think it will be received well by the people you really care about (AKA not anons on a forum), then do it! Every's situation is different and while etiquette can be black and white about what is acceptable, that isn't always the case

View Quoted Comment Then return them for cash! I feel like it’s up to you whether you want to come off as tacky or not. Either way you are getting the cash you want. You are choosing how to present yourself though. I choose not to be tacky. End of story!

View Quoted Comment I hope you donate those gift cards since if you want something, you work hard and go buy it.

Asking for money and/or having a registry is not tacky.

I don’t understand why there’s a post about this every single day. If you want to do a honeymoon fund/ cash registry/ whatever, go ahead, but know that at least some of your guests will think it’s tacky. You might not care, and that’s ok, but why is it so important that people on this site agree with you? If someone decides to no longer get a honeyfund because of posters on this site, why is that a problem? The only reason to get so defensive about honeyfunds is because you know there’s something that doesn’t feel right about them. But if you want to do it, own your choices and move on.

View Quoted Comment Here’s the thing. Everyone gripes.
heres the other thing. Not everything on this website is torn down without thought. Except usually this topic.

View Quoted Comment I think you need to say this a little louder for the people in the back. 👐🏾👐🏾👐🏾

Yesss girl!! Tell them!!!!! I don’t find it tacky at all but see brides get attacked in here over it!

View Quoted Comment I think it’s stupid that anyone gets attacked in here (since were all in the same boat), but this one just annoys me. I’ve never seen it be tacky!

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You knows tacky? Attacking people you don't know because they don't live their lives the way you live yours.

View Quoted Comment Amen! So so true!

My future husband and I are both in the military and live apart. We get married in March and will probably live apart for another year. There’s no way we could have come up w a registry. So we did a newlywed Fund. If people want to give, cool. If they don’t, cool. I explained this on our website and plus our families know our situation so if someone thinks it’s tacky, so be it. Not everyone can be the perfect bride like a lot of people think they are.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree. There’s no pleasing everyone. I know I’ll love my dress and someone out there will think it’s ugly. IDC! (: kudos to you for doing what you want to do!

View Quoted Comment No one is being attacked. OP posted a thread on a hot topic and people are giving their opinions. If someone is saying something offensive, you can flag them.

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Plenty of people say things like "you have to" or "you should", when they could easily say "you could" or "have you thought about?"

Yes please reach out on this forum for opinions, because they want ideas, and feed back, and sometimes we all get to caught up in our own planning we need some perceptive. However there are a lot of people on these forums who have very set in stone ideas about what every wedding has to have. I think everyone should have a professional DJ, but I'm certainly not going to tell anyone that they HAVE to, lest they be insulting their guests. Just like I know people will be appalled that I'm having a friend marry us, but I'm not worried about it, and I'm not going to let someone talk me in to spending the money on a stranger doing the most important part of my day.

No one is going to change their mind. Those of us who were taught that asking for money is in poor taste are not going to wake up one day, or read one response and go "Oh, I've been mistaken all these years." Nor are the people who think asking for cash is fine, going to say " I see the light. I was mistaken."

The one thing I wish we could agree on, is that asking for gifts of any sort, is beyond rude. People may not like the fact that registries are a back-handed way of letting guests know what you want/need but that's exactly what they are. No one is required to use them. Guests have to search for them, even if that search is as simple as checking out your website. The guests take the initiative in thinking about a gift. They are not told "we want gifts and this is what we want."

And no, it is not a case of not being direct. Certainly, if someone asks about either your registry or what gifts you would like, it is fine to answer honestly. It is not fine to be the one to raise the issue.

It is fine to include registry information on shower invitation for two reasons: you are not hosting and asking for gifts for yourself, and showers are all about physical gifts. If you hate the tradition and don't want physical gifts, don't have a shower.

But, including anything in your wedding invitations, telling your guests what you want for a wedding gift is tacky, because it's rude. You don't ask for gifts, period. No toaster, no silver, no crystal, no cash. Including a link to the registry at the bottom of your invitation or including an insert doing the same is just plain wrong, and no matter how much etiquette evolves, it will never be acceptable to indicate to your guests that you want gifts.