Asking for Cash Isn’t Tacky!

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Well I'm having a registry so it's not my concern LOL

I agree completely

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I don't find anything "convenient" about paying unnecessary fees.

View Quoted Comment Then I guess you can get around to every wedding guest in the world and tell them that gift giving is dumb! In the meantime, I know most people want to and desire to give a gift to celebrate a new couple and so I’ll probably still ask for the registry of others and make one myself, even if it’s in a different manner.

I see it both ways- FH and I just bought a house together and we have most of what we need. Personally when I was in college I couldn’t afford to give someone 50$-100$ And giving them 20$ would sort of be a slap in the face. So buying small gifts off their registry was less embarrassing to me as a guest. Now that I’m out of college I have more room for providing money to guests. Now that I’m a homeowner and a bride, I know I don’t want someone to get me new spatulas lol I want to be able to take a dream vacay or fix up our house. But the spatulas or whatever small registry items we have are there for those who might be going through a tough time but still wanted to get us something. Or for those guests who feel it’s “tacky” to give money.
For that reason we have the Small registry and then we also have a honeymoon donation fund. Our invites will come with a card that says “Registered at Target. Donations towards honeymoon also welcomed”. I’m sure some people will think that’s tacky but that’s fine with me.

View Quoted Comment Well if you buy a card to put the money in, say that costs you $3.25? Isn’t the surcharge for PayPal less than that? 😂

Ok so younger generations might be OK with asking for cash, but the people who are likely to give bigger cash gifts are older people... the people more likely to find asking for cash rude.

I’m from an area where (often large) cash gifts are the norm. I’ve never been to a wedding where the couple has asked for cash. Somehow everyone figures it out.

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Agreed. I'm not familiar with these websites that couples are beginning to use. I wouldn't ever attend a wedding empty handed so it's much more convenient to place cash in the card I'm giving than to go online, enter my info, knowingly get charged service fees, and hope that it's not compromised by whichever site the couple chose.

View Quoted Comment This is the best reason I’ve seen to still have a small registry! Thank you for your post!

I agree with the OP
It's not tacky to ask for money. When my sister had a wedding they had a "money tree" and people put money on a cardboard tree or brought a gift.
So I don't see it as tacky at all.
I don't have a registry and don't plan to make one. I don' understand it so people can just bring gifts or money.

View Quoted Comment Yay! That’s a cute idea! I’m glad you’re doing what you want to with your wedding and registry!

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Of course I buy a card! I also write a nice heartfelt message in the card for the couple. I even kept all the nice cards I received at my wedding. I would never dream of going to a wedding empty handed, but if all you want is the cash, then I guess your honeyfund will serve you well.

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I don't understand why so many people have a problem with asking for money. If most guests bring money anyway, like so many people claim, than why is asking for it rude? You're just letting your guests know you would rather have money instead of gifts. Couples we know who just got married, and had very small registries, didn't ask for money because they were told it was tacky and that people would bring money anyway. You know what they received? A lot more gifts than they did money. And gifts they would never purchase themselves, have no use for or already own. My FH and I are doing the same thing you are doing Tara. We don't need stuff because we've been living together for a while. And we spend money on experiences more than we do material items, so we would rather receive money from guests so we can experience new and exciting things and places. And we aren't just saying "hey, give us money" or writing a cute poem. We are customizing our cash registry, with a honey moon fund, an experience fund, etc. So, people will give us cash for actual experiences: a romantic dinner our, a local wine tour close to where we live, dance lessons, etc. All our friends and family love this and think it's perfect for us because it's what WE want. No one I've spoken with thinks it's tacky.

People who don't bring cash are going to spend their money on gifts anyway. And yet, asking for gifts isn't considered rude.

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Just because you don't see it as tacky doesn't mean its not tacky.

View Quoted Comment I actually heard somewhere that couples don’t want to have to collect their gifts after the wedding or something? I don’t know if that’s true.

i was making a joke that the card is the surcharge when you give cash.

it is nice to receive notes and letters and cards though!

View Quoted Comment It's not my fault you don't know the definition and went immediately went to defensive without any regard.
I grew up well below poverty line and there is a huge social part of it. You are more likely to find cash funds at weddings where the children are not taught that asking for money is rude, and it is usually tied to economics. I have yet to see a cash request, even amongst broke friends that came from families with money and good foundation of manners. Which means things like this will eventually divide the classes even more. At some point cash request will be affiliated with lower class.

View Quoted Comment Amen and amen!! Couldn’t have said it better and I love your idea!!

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Racheal, you really wrote that on your invites? "On the invitations I worded "in lieu of traditional housewares please feel free to contribute to our honeymoon fund." Oh my. Oh. no.

Please don't do this. It is not cool to write any wording, anywhere, in any form referencing gifts.

Back to original post: Yes, asking for cash (or demanding, directing, inferring, requesting) any gift is unacceptable.

I can't wait to see what is coming next: "We bank at Sun West, account # ****, Routing number **** - direct deposit is preferred."

A common battle cry is "My family didn't say anything so it must be okay!" Well I am that family member that will pull you aside and quietly say "Don't do this. It will come off as greedy. Just trust your guests to give you $$$ as it comes in one color and fits all."

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Yes! This! We are doing the same thing. We have a very very small amount of actual items on our registry for people who are on a budget or for anyone out there who thinks it may be tacky to ask for money. The rest of our registry is a honeymoon and experience fund.

The thing about etiquette is that it changes and evolves. It used to be a shocker when women wore pants for crying out loud.

Now a days people do ask for money. And its not just the younger generation, my mother got remarried when I was in high school, of course she and her husband didn't need housewares, they'd both raised children for crying out loud! And they asked for money, and not only did their friends understand, so did their parents, and their parents friends! People where excited to help pay for part of the honeymoon.

People, (on this site) get soooo caught up in whats "proper" and "following etiquette" that they forget that actual real people attend these weddings. Guess what, Great Aunt Mildred is going to love you or hate you no matter what. Whether you ask for cash is not relevant to that fact.

Someone is always going to hate what you do with your wedding, and your life, and your choices. Stop worrying about them. The people who love you will go on loving you, and the people who don't won't have their minds changed by anything.

#onegaygirlsopinion