Why Are You Getting Married?

There seem to be two different questions or answers I'm reading.

"Why do you want to get married", "is quite different from why do you want to have a wedding."

Gee O that is so true. "Wedding" and "marriage" are two TOTALLY different things.

So actually my niece asked me what "married" meant after my bridal shower. (She saw that I had gotten lots of presents and she thought it was like another birthday lol.) I told her it's what you do when you meet someone that you want to make your family forever.

I'm sure if I'd had more time to really think about it I would have come up with something more eloquent but honestly - in our case that's what marriage is all about. H is the only person in the world I've ever wanted as a partner. We're much happier in close proximity to each other than in any other place. And aside from showing our commitment, getting legally married allows us to be family and truly take care of each other the way we want to. So marriage was never a question.

Now, the wedding? It was fun, but a lot of that hoopla was for our families' benefit. For all I cared, we could have eloped.

Someone asked me last week how did I know he was the one and I told him "because he was the first man I could be myself with in all my quirkiness who makes me feel like it is all he ever wants me to be." Also when my daughter passed I felt I had to be strong for everyone around me because they were all falling apart. Even her doctor was upset, but not with him. He just held out his arms and said let it out and not only could I, I did and he just held me and offered me tissue. Why am I marrying him? Because I love his company, he frustrates me and makes me laugh all at the same time. He makes me feel comfortable, he keeps me on my toes and he lets me relax. I can lean on him and know he won't let me fall. I want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to him and for me, that means within the bonds of matrimony according to God's law. Simply put, we fit.

edited to correct spelling

@Gee O. I'm sorry.. I was just saying that I personally was wondering about having a wedding, but the question at hand was why get MARRIED. Like actual marriage, not just have a wedding.

So when we have kids, we can avoid a lot of questions.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I wanted that security in my relationship. Not that I didn't feel secure, but I wanted the lifetime commitment and I wanted to make that commitment as well. Also, I love him and I want him there with me through all my life changes just as I want to be there with him.

I wish I wasn't walking out the door.. must answer when I get back!

@Robin A. I think you're on to something there! I personally also want that commitment and security that comes with marriage.

Because I'm in love w/him & he w/me. We both suffered through 1 bad marriage a piece. Ultimately, I was too young & vulnerable & got left w/a bunch of responsibilities that I wasn't prepared for in my 1st marriage. When FH came into my life like a breathe of fresh air. As we've gotton to know each other better we realized that we were destined to meet. He moved here (DMV area) from Pa. but we always seemed to live around each other b4 we actually met. Destiny..

I want to marry my FH because he's my best friend, partner and the only person I've ever truly opened my heart up to and the only man I've ever envisioned being able to marry. We've been together for over two years and to this day from day one, he still opens the car door for me, and it melts my heart every single time.

Plus, who doesn't love a good party?!

That is a great question. Why not just remain happily engaged forever? For nonromantic reasons I can say that being married will be easier for us in regard to owning a home together and FH can get off his crappy health insurance and come on my plan. I also want to start a family someday and I would like to be married. It makes me feel more committed and intertwined, then just “dating.” And all the mushy gushy stuff, FH and I love each other; we are best buds, so it makes sense. What comes after 6 years of dating? I say marriage : )

Because I want kids and don't want the grief from others of not being married first. Plus if husband ever is admitted into the hospital, as his wife I would be allowed to see him. As his girlfriend i would not.

@Krista I never thought of the hospital thing! Good point!

I want to get married for us to create a future together as a family. I want to start a legacy together and have children that are a representation of us so that they can grow up and have children that fruits of our family tree. I want to have that person that I can count on to be by my side and I can stand by his and we can grow old together. My FH is my best friend, he is the person that I want to share the best and worse of my life with. If Im at the top or on the bottom that is who I need by my side.

We're getting married so he can get a Green Card LMAO No, I'm joking, he was born here, I'm the one that needs the Green Card LMAO Ok, I'll be serious now...sorry, it's past 4pm here in Miami and is winter season (73 degree weather lol).

Seriously now, I had the same question asked by our priest during our interview and retreat...We both answered pretty similar, although he's more eloquent than I am. Simply put, we want to create a family, commit to one another for life, and grow old together. We are so different as far as personalities, but yet so alike in our goals and the way we rationalize things. We are both Catholic and want to raise our children in our faith, which is very important to both of us. Neither of us believe in divorce and know that hard times will come our way, but as long as we're together, and we keep our faith, we can conquer anything. Oh and the fact that we love each other...that's an important one too

For us legal marriage is the strongest symbol of commitment based on our Christian faith. It forces us to go against our nature of individualism. It's not just you and I anymore; there's us and we and ours.

I've become a more selfless, giving and nurturing version of who I was before deciding to be married. Family and friends can already tell the difference ) Other than the changes visible to my family there's the internal change I feel that I know will be the catalyst for us having a family one day.

Before deciding on marriage, even though we greatly cared about each other, we were very selfish and had decided we didn't have time for children. We wanted to hang-out and have fun. Pursue our own passions and career goals. Though we were together, we were still living very individual lives.

Long story-short marriage has primed me for life outside of our "me" bubble and I don't believe any other life event could have done that for us.

@Tanika, after laughing at myself for being so silly, you brought tears to my eyes with your story. You both have gone through a lot and are still grateful to have each other in your lives and knowing that you can count on him for anything life throws at you. I'm amazed at the strength of your relationship and everything you both have endured. You are a true inspiration of what commitment should be like, through the rough time as well as the good times. May God continue to bless your relationship and always get you through it.

Sorry for the blessing, didn't mean to get religious here on WW, but I got a little sentimental after my afternoon silly rant.

Love you all, (that's my emotional silliness talking)

Lily

As one who spent several years committed to a loving relationship for life, but without being able to be married, I've had to think about this one. To my mind, once you have made that commitment to each other, marriage provides support from third parties for that commitment. This includes everything from there being words for NotFroofy's relationship to the rest of my family (e.g., she's my sister's sister-in-law) to the myriad of legal rights to things like making medical decisions for me if I'm unable to do so.

Ok, now I'm crying like a baby over here...

@Roe, well said! I'm so sorry about your loss, but I'm glad you have such a strong man by your side that you can always count on, lends you his shoulder when you need him most and knows exactly what to say or do to make you feel better. God bless you both!

Because he makes me want to be a better person. I want to marry him so that I feel that way every single day for the rest of my life! He asked me to marry him and by doing so I will make him happy and that makes me happy =)