Who gets a plus one?

Wow, hi everyone. Never knew a simple question would cause so much anger and hostility in people! In the end, it is mine and my fiancées wedding. While I appreciate everyone’s opinion, regardless of if you agree with me or disagree, I feel like people should be treated with respect. There is no need to argue or to becomes so defensive. Let’s all remember to be respectful and kind to each other!

I think that if you're looking for a hard and fast rule of proper etiquette, then the line is engaged vs not engaged. However, that's an outdated rule and you have to just think about what makes sense for you and your friends. I think that as long as you consistently apply the reasoning to everyone, no one should be offended, everyone should understand the cost constraints that impact the decision. For us, I'm thinking 1-year together or already living together is a fair line. Another option is, have I met my friend's possible plus-1?

When I made my guest list I added plus 1 to those that are married, who've been together for a long period of time and my friends who don't know anyone that's attending. Adding plus ones to 80 ppl can cost more than your projected budget. Think wisely and not about what others will think it's your day sweetie.😊

Almost everyone on our guest list got a plus one but has been in a relationship over a year. My 16 year old cousin doesnt get a plus one, my FH uncle doesnt get a plus one because he hasn't seriously been seeing anyone. Our rule is unless we have been able to truly get to know who your +1 would be, they arent invited. Probably the unpopular opinion but we're sticking to a guest list of 100 people, and only have like 5 of our friends on the list due to large families

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No-one's angry. We're all pointing out the correct etiquette in this situation. The mods here are really good about deleting comments that are disrespectful. If you are concerned, you could contact them to review the thread.

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This advice may cause hurt feelings among your nearest and dearest. It's not their fault that you're inviting 300 people and can't somehow squeeze their SO in. You've basically made the person feel that their relationship wasn't as important as inviting a more important guest.

No-one is going to tell you that you're being rude. I would imagine your guests reacted graciously, as it would be the polite thing to do. This does not mean that they agree with the plan.

B-listing people is even more inadvisable. Basically you're saying that if another, more important guest can't make it, you'll open up the spots for the less important SO's of guests that are on the A-list.

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How about letting your guests determine the seriousness of their own relationships? You could ask them if they are in a relationship? If they identify that they are, then their SO must be invited.

This is not the same thing as a "plus one", which is a guest or a date for truly single people.

View Quoted Comment I’m not concerned! I do understand explaining etiquette, and I appreciate it! That’s why I asked the question, but I do think that things get taken a little too far when people are calling other people rude, or tacky, or cheap. Name calling isn’t necessary, we all are just trying to do our best and plan our dream weddings

For my wedding we’re only having 50 people (Close family and friends). Of course spouses Are invited and my fiancé and I decided everyone who is flying in gets a plus one( our wedding is in AZ and he’s from MA). We’ve communicated what we want to our single friends/family that they won’t have a plus one due to budget (we’re paying, no help from family) and they understand. Just communicate your wishes and people will mostly understand

My experience:
1. Make it clear it’s +1 and require the guest to tell you the name instead of letting them add the name when RSVP. I did have a guests want to bring 3 friends either of us have met before.
2. Make a priority list. I will try to meet the needs from family members first. So I told my friends that sorry there are limited space and we want to make sure our family members can bring their loved ones. Everyone would understand.
If you want to keep the number as low as possible. The best solution is do not announce +1. Because ppl who really want to bring their partners will ask you themselves.
Hope it will help.
PS: make sure it’s a joint decision

This is why I am somewhat happy that my wedding is made up of 95% family so I don't have to make that call for every couple or every person. Like others have said, there will always be something someone isn't happy about but guess what...it's your wedding day. I can see why it might come off as rude but I am not going to sit here and encourage you to do something that you seem to not want to do. This community has been helpful in many ways but also seems to have a lot of unnecessary drama. Behind a screen it is easy to act this way.

I’m not giving plus ones to people that aren’t married or engaged and that’s for budget purposes. There are exceptions to people that have been together for a while and live together but it’s YOUR WEDDING so you can do whatever you want. Ignore people that tell you what you “have to do”. Hope that helps

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THIS! This is what I want to do!!! So basically right now my situation is, I have accounted for all known relationships. Done, all SOs regardless of length of time. I feel comfortable about that and generally like I'm being respectful across the board.

And without +1s I have enough wiggle room to add in any relationships I may be missing at the time of STDs and can be respectful of anyone who is dating someone.

Plus, most of those that would be single are family and would have plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins and not be lost without a date. Does this factor in at all?

If I try and give every single person a plus +1 I completely have to revamp the guest list :/

View Quoted Comment Budgets are taken into account. I’m not inviting people that are in relationships because I’ve have5 friends already say never mind we aren’t together and one relationship that’s on the rocks and no one has time for that.

I'm super new on here but oh my gosh why are people being so rude about this? Lol a simple yes or no will do. That being said: OP do whatever you want cause it's your wedding and you're the one paying

We invited the married couples and the couples who were engaged to be married with their significant other. We really didn't want to invite someone's girlfriend or boyfriend not knowing if they would still be together. For the price per plate, we found that it wouldn't be unreasonable to not accommodate gf/bf

I say invite whom you want to invite! After all this is your wedding and your budget. You can put together a list of your guests and their partners and if it exceeds your budget, start cutting out those couples and people that are not as close to you and/or your FH. You have time to put this list together and see whom you truly want there. You shouldn’t feel sorry about not being able to invite a certain couple or Friend etc. especially if your budget does not permit you to invite everyone you would like.

View Quoted Comment Marriages and engagements can be on the rocks too so by that reasoning no one should be allowed to bring their significant other.

View Quoted Comment I would respond in the exact same manner in person as I would in this thread. In fact I did. 4 years ago when H (then boyfriend) was invited to a wedding without me because we weren’t living together, engaged, or married. We had chosen to take things slow because I had a 1 year old and the bride and groom (mutual friend of H and I) knew this. They had enough declines and eventually invited me, but it left a very sour taste in my mouth, I spoke to the groom about not judging relationships, and h and I decided we no longer viewed these people as friends.

View Quoted Comment We are in the early stages of planning for our April 2019 wedding too. I was in the same boat, wanting to do what is proper etiquette. I have come to this conclusion (with some honest advice from a close friend), it is YOUR wedding, you do what YOU feel is right. Talk with your Fiancé, and whatever you BOTH agree on is what it is. Unfortunately, I feel like feelings are going to be hurt, but in the end, it is YOU and YOUR FIANCÉ’S Special Day, not theirs. If you are important to them, they will come even without a +1 option.