Who gets a plus one?

Oh & to all the people saying they were living with their fiance in under a year guess what so was i within a month he moved in & there were weddings that were had that one of us wasnt invited to becahse of how long we had been togerther neither one of us were butt hurt over it we completely understood... we actually didnt even start going to family holidays until about 2 years in is when we both first got an invite.. again neither of us were offended it was completely understandable...sorry if you all disagree with me but at the end of the day im footing the bill no one else so im doing things my way.... except our wedding party all is getting plus ones....

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this. I am a total people pleaser and trying to remind myself that this wedding is about me and my fiancé and we should do what makes us happy. Obviously I will take into consideration the circumstances surrounding each person and their SO, but in the end I don’t want to have to cut my guest list short just to include every single person’s SO. When I had first started dating my fiancé I was not invited to many weddings and my feelings weren’t hurt by that!

View Quoted Comment OP - good on you for asking before doing something rude. I am 100% in agreement with PP's on you can't pick and choose which relationships are serious and which are not unless you can see into the future. I would feel awful if I didn't invite my friend's BF of 5 months and they ended up getting married etc. If they are together at the time you send your invitations out, they should get an invite. You should also plan under the assumption that some people might enter new relationships before your wedding. I would plan your guest list under the assumption that everyone will be bringing a guest, that way you aren't scrambling to cut $ from somewhere else at the last minute. 2019 is still pretty far away.

View Quoted Comment Ok then I take it back. The vast majority here is telling you that picking and choosing based on length of time together is rude and you are going to listen to the one person that is validating your opinion.

I would invite the SO even if they aren't married but if people are single when you send out the invite but they are in a relationship but the time your wedding comes then they just have to come by themselves

Proper etiquette says they should both get an invite. But it's tricky because it's hard to say now who will be together at the wedding and who will not. If someone's casually dating someone you wouldn't invite them now but they could be engaged by the time your wedding comes around. Or people who are married now could separate by your wedding! It's safe to just address the invite to both the people in the couple, not the person you're connected to and a plus one. That way if they break up the person connected to you won't bring some other random person to fill their plus ones spot

View Quoted Comment Another unnecessary comment. I responded to someone who seemed to have the same thought as me, which isn’t a crime. I do want advice and after reading these comments I am going through the guest list and reconsidering. Thanks for your input.

View Quoted Comment I like this idea! The wedding is still pretty far away, but I am trying to figure out a general idea of how many people will be attending so I can move forward in planning. As of now I have all significant others on the guest list and will reassess as the day gets closer!

View Quoted Comment That seems very reasonable and is most likely what I will plan on doing! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment I am trying to save you from embarrassment and people being offended but if you want to cherry pick the advice you receive you are more than welcome to do so... just telling you how some/most of your guests are going to feel.

Plus ones are for truly single guests. I’m only giving a few plus ones to people who won’t know anyone. People who do know someone, as in they are friends, with someone else invited, I won’t be giving plus ones.

View Quoted Comment Yes just do what makes you happy. You are NEVER going to please everyone no matter how hard you try. There are some circumstances that will differ like the few people i know that actually have long relationships i will probably invite their gf or bf but the ones i know who are "relationship hoppers" no way in heck am i inviting theirs. When you're looking at $15 to $50 a plate depending on what food you go with i dont have the money to invite random people id rather have my family & people i care about there. Our guest list is 250 so these people are telling me i should possibly have to invite 500 because i have a huge family? Only about 25 of those invites are friends just to put it in perspective for you all the rest are family!

View Quoted Comment I appreciate that, and that is the whole point of me asking what is the proper thing to do. The snarky comments could have been left out, but thanks anyway!!

My rule of thumb is only engaged or married get a plus one because that person is their partner and comes with them even if I never met that person. A girlfriend/boyfriend isn't set and anything can happen. Not to say married and engaged cannot split up but its a different relationship than just dating. Unless I've know both of them so well, i don't give all plus one. Their plate is money and it adds up

View Quoted Comment True =/= snarky but YOU DO YOU! Everyone will love going to your wedding without their SO.

View Quoted Comment Our family is very large too, so I understand completely. It sucks knowing that we will have to cut some friends from the list in order to stay within budget! It’s really nice to see that someone can at least understand where I am coming from when asking this question. I am young, as are many of our friends which means some of them tend to have a flavor of the month, my question was more so directed at those kind of relationships. Thanks again for all of your input and good luck!!

View Quoted Comment That was my original idea, but now I feel like everyone on this thread thinks that would be totally rude and unacceptable. I wasn’t invited to any weddings or large family events until my fiancé and I had been together for at least 6 months to a year. I wasn’t offended in the slightest and it’s actually surprising to me that other people would be. Anything can happen in a new relationship, and while of course some of them will go on to live happily ever after, I don’t think it’s totally crazy to be realistic that sometimes relationships don’t work out.

I included a plus one for anyone with a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, husband, or wife. I think it's nice. Then if they break up prior to the wedding, hopefully you'll know within enough time to change the guest count. I don't think I would have come to a wedding if my boyfriend (now fiance) wasn't coming with me.

Everyone's SO needs to be invited, regardless of the length of the relationship. That's proper etiquette. I moved into my DH's house after 5 months and we got engaged after 10 months. Using an amount of time as a cutoff is not a good solution.

Also - plus ones are technically for single people who are given the option to bring anyone they want as a guest. Someone's boyfriend or girlfriend is not considered a plus one - they are invited by name just like anyone else.