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MrsMcCormick
Dedicated November 2019

Who gets a plus one?

MrsMcCormick, on January 16, 2018 at 7:22 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 193

Hi everyone! Drafting up a guest list and trying to figure out how to work out the whole plus one situation. My plan is to not give the option of plus one’s to anybody, but instead address the invitation to whoever we plan to invite. What is the etiquette when it comes to a guest’s significant...
Hi everyone! Drafting up a guest list and trying to figure out how to work out the whole plus one situation. My plan is to not give the option of plus one’s to anybody, but instead address the invitation to whoever we plan to invite. What is the etiquette when it comes to a guest’s significant others? I obviously plan to include any of our friend/family’s husbands/wives or fiancé/fiancée, but what about boyfriends and girl friends? I’m trying to keep the number of people invited as low as possible, but also don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt. If anyone can offer some advice, or even just let me know what they did for their wedding it would be much appreciated! Thank you all!

193 Comments

  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    Thank you! I actually didn’t know this, obviously this is all new to me! Thank you for your advice also!
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  • Anne
    Master April 2017
    Anne ·
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    No problem Smiley smile It's good you're asking and thinking about it this far in advance. It will give you plenty of time to finalize the guest list out and make adjustments if necessary!

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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    My FH is a super people pleaser just like you are but when we were going over the guest lists he 100% agreed with me because stuff adds up quickly & we dont want to go in debt over our wedding. So we had to do what we had to do to be able to invite all of our family. We dont feel bad about it & will also apologize again about it to them when we talk to them at the wedding even tho they all understand right now.
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    That’s the plan! I know that things are bound to change, but I want to try and get an estimated number of guests figured out ASAP in order to figure out a budget and be able to coordinate better with vendors!
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  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
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    Uh...what? I was serious about my FI within two weeks. But we didn't move in together until a year. Do you know how many events and weddings we would have declined if everyone followed this bad rule.

    And SO is not a plus one. They are a SOCIAL UNIT!


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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    That is fine i have also been serious with my fh within a month we did live together but we still weren't invited to family things until we had been together a year & a half to 2 years! Everyone does things different i dont expect everyone to understand my reasoning but honestly nor do i care if you do or dont. I know how both our familys work & what we are doing is fine with them =) if i wanted peoples input i would make a discussion myself but I don't because as the end of the day only we know how our friends & family with react now everyone else... thanks though...=)
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  • Mrs._S
    Expert April 2018
    Mrs._S ·
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    What it comes down to is if you're paying, you make the decision. Either everyone gets a plus one or no one does. My rule was married or engaged gets a plus one, that's it. If they ask, the answer is we have a certain budget we are trying to stay within and we are not able to accomodate more people. I don't know my co-workers boyfriend and I don't know my other coworkers husband but I'd rather invite her husband (who doesn't have to go) and pay for his plate because they are married than someone who may not be with their boyfriend by the time I get married. it's just however you want to look at it. People will have their opinions on it but they're not paying for the per plate price at your venue, you are.

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    LeeAnne, you are aware you can invalidate your contract with your venue for having a slew of guests after dinner, right? I mean, besides the tacky part of doing that.

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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    LeeAnne, i apologize if ive missed it, but are you doing consumption bar? Otherwise people cant just pile in after dinner.

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  • A
    Expert January 2019
    Anakaren ·
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    I totally agree with you on this
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  • Liesl
    Dedicated September 2018
    Liesl ·
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    We did if you're in a serious relationship you can bring a plus one (none of this tinder-date stuff for our wedding), we also are letting family member's bring a plus one but we do not have too many single family members. For the most part we are not letting friends bring a plus one unless it's an unusual situation (For instance I have gone to several weddings with my co-worker whose date is always his best-friend Natalie, though I wouldn't have invited her on my own, I just assumed she would be coming with him anyways. She would also be his ride since he doesn't have a car. My FH has a very similar situation with one of his coworkers where we know who his date will be because we've seen her at so many weddings and this co-worker is the only single/un-married coworker invited)

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  • B
    Beginner September 2018
    Breanne ·
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    I have a huge family (about 120 of the 150 on our guest list are my side) and anyone in a relationship that I definitely know of or their mother can vouch for is getting invited with a plus one. But any of my cousins who aren't attached at the time the invitations go out isn't being invited with a plus one. The only exception is the 1 person under 18 (she'll be 18 like 2 months later) I'm letting her bring a friend or date so she isn't lonely with all the 25+ year olds. Most of my cousins didn't invite me with a guest to their weddings. If someone reaches out and asks to bring a plus one, I will probably allow it but I'm not putting it on there. I think I may have RSVP'd to my cousin's wedding last year with my boyfriend of 4 months but wasn't invited with a plus one on the invite. My cousin never said anything other than asking how to spell his name. I didn't really think about it not saying "and guest" at the time.
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  • Stephanie
    Expert October 2018
    Stephanie ·
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    Eh, well not everyone I am inviting is getting a plus one. S/Os are all invited, but I know most of them too. Plus ones are for people not in relationships that they can bring to feel a little more comfortable. friend and a plus one. friend and s/o by name (yes I looked up people's names and asked them for them so I could address the save the dates to both).

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  • RG3
    Dedicated April 2018
    RG3 ·
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    My view on this is - married people and those who have been in a relationship for a long time get a plus one - their SO, we are naming names on our invites & RSVPs too. Our friends who have a different rotation every few months already know that isn't going to work for our wedding. 1) For me, to give you a plus one means that I don't get to invite someone else (I have a budget and limit on guest). 2) My wedding is not a "free" date for you and your flavor of the month 3) I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and think who was this person? My wedding, my money, my guest. We've already talked to our friends and family who fit in that category, they totally get it and they aren't offended - they know me. They will know plenty of people there, so they will not be "alone". My sister is appalled by my decision, but oh well. And just so ya'll know I am not a complete b*tch, those same friends also know that if flavor of the month becomes serious to let me know and I'll add that person.

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  • FutureMrs.V
    Super June 2018
    FutureMrs.V ·
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    We gave everyone a plus one. I didn't want to play the guessing game on who is in a relationship or not.
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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    Catherine I am not quite sure what a consumption bar is but i am doing an open bar & actually my venue is completely fine with people coming after dinner =)
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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Consumption bar you pay per drink otherwise you normally pay per head, if its the latter i cant imagine how your venue would be ok with that.

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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    What are you talking about? My venue is not a backyard. I simply asked a question because I was unsure how to proceed, why does that make me a bad host? I’m going to assume that this comment isn’t meant for me seeing as it makes no sense at all to my situation. I had no idea people on this forum got so heated so quickly! Yes I did ask for opinions and most people were able to express their opinions in a kind and respectful manner, however name calling and continuous arguing with other people in MY forum is just unnecessary.
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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    Sorry, MrsM, that was for LeeAnne, not you Smiley smile

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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Venue not menu. lol



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