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MrsMcCormick
Dedicated November 2019

Who gets a plus one?

MrsMcCormick, on January 16, 2018 at 7:22 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 193
Hi everyone! Drafting up a guest list and trying to figure out how to work out the whole plus one situation. My plan is to not give the option of plus one’s to anybody, but instead address the invitation to whoever we plan to invite. What is the etiquette when it comes to a guest’s significant others? I obviously plan to include any of our friend/family’s husbands/wives or fiancé/fiancée, but what about boyfriends and girl friends? I’m trying to keep the number of people invited as low as possible, but also don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt. If anyone can offer some advice, or even just let me know what they did for their wedding it would be much appreciated! Thank you all!

193 Comments

Latest activity by Julie, on August 3, 2018 at 12:52 PM
  • dancedancedance
    Savvy June 2019
    dancedancedance ·
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    Anyone in a relationship gets invited with their significant other. Lost both on the invitation. Truly single guests can receive an invitation for just them.
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  • Erica
    Savvy November 2019
    Erica ·
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    How I'm doing it is if I know they will still be in a relationship when the wedding comes I will address it to both of them. And since I have a few single people who don't know most of the people who will be there I'm adding a plus one to their invitations.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    All people in relationships should be invited with their SO. Plenty of people choose to never get engaged or married so it seems ridiculous to me that you’d exclude SOs just because they’re not engaged/married.
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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    I am doing it if they have been with this person over a year or so. Otherwise im not giving plus one's because we dont have the space for every single person to bring a plus one.
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    Oh no! That’s not the plan at all! I’m not automatically dismissing someone because they aren’t married or engaged. I was just wondering if I should invite EVERYONES boyfriend or girlfriend regardless of time together/state of their relationship. I want everyone to be happy and feel included and just was wondering the etiquette behind it!
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    That was my idea, with some exceptions obviously. I just don’t know if I have the money/space to invite every single one of my friend’s boyfriends or girlfriends. I hate to seem rude, but I just don’t know if I want someone who has only been in a relationship for a month or two at my wedding. I don’t want to look back at wedding pictures and see a bunch of strangers who’s names I can’t even remember if that makes sense!
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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    That is EXACTLY my thought. I don't have the money or space & i dont want a bunch of random people in my pictures throughout the night. I have already explained this all to guests as well & they have all been completely understanding. We also are not having young children which is completely normal where I am from!
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    I’m totally on the same page as you! The only young children we are having at the wedding are the two flower girls and the ring bearer most likely!
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  • Susan
    VIP December 2017
    Susan ·
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    SOs are always invited by name and are not plus ones. You don't get to judge how serious someone else's relationship is- this is why if they've been together for [some arbitrary amount of time] is rude. DH and I knee we were going to get married about 4 months into our relationship- and I'm still salty about not being invited to his cousin's engagement party because "we weren't engaged". Think of it this way- you're asking people to come celebrate your love and commitment, so do you really want to disparage theirs at the same time?
    This is what we did anyone (over 18) in a relationship was invited with their SO by name. Truly single guests who would know lots of other people- no plus one. We did, of course give every single member of the WP a plus one as well as a few other guests (those who would be travelling or wouldn't know as many people).
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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
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    It is not for you to judge someone else's relationship, regardless of length.

    There was a time when you were only with your FI for a month, and now look at you. If you didn't plan on everyone in your guest list being in a relationship when invites went out, you didn't plan properly.

    ALL people in relationships get their SO invited. All of them.

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  • L
    Devoted June 2019
    Laurel ·
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    I’m inviting every single guest with their significant other regardless of how long they’ve been together. Single guests are getting a plus one. In some ways it sucks because I’m having 100 person wedding so it really means I can only invite 50 people. I know some people won’t be comfortable coming alone so I want to make sure they have the option. Not everyone will choose to bring a guest, but this way it’s their choice.
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    I’m in the VERY early stages of planning, we aren’t marrying until fall of 2019. I was only asking because I don’t know how these things work. I’m not trying to be rude to my guests, I honestly just didn’t know. I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, but it is also my wedding. I’m still trying to figure out a balance between the two.
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  • Sara
    Savvy November 2018
    Sara ·
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    I'm inviting everyone's significant over married or not, however people I know are single aren't getting a plus one!
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  • Nemo
    Master August 2018
    Nemo ·
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    If they are in a relationship of any length of time, you should invite them. If I was invited to a wedding while FH and I were dating and he wasn’t invited (or the other way around), neither of us would be going. FH and I knew we were going to get married very early on and we started looking at rings five months in. It’s not up to you to decide who is in a serious relationship.
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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
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    I know a couple who eloped after dating for 2.5 weeks. Length of time of a dating relationship is no way to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship.

    You don't get to arbitrarily decide which couples' relationships are worth respecting and which aren't when inviting friends and family to an event. If you want your friends to come celebrate your love, it's only fair to invite them to do so while standing by their love.
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  • Shay
    Dedicated March 2018
    Shay ·
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    I'm glad my wedding guest list is small. Everyone we invited gets a plus one because we are very close with them and they are married, engaged or dating. So no confusion there. It's just a bridal party and a few close family and friends. Even though some are single for sure we still want everyone to feel comfortable so it brings are guest list to 50 people.
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  • Lynn
    Dedicated May 2019
    Lynn ·
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    You invite who you want to. It is your wedding you can chose to only have certain bring a plus one. Like i wouldn’t want all these random people in my pictures nor do i want strangers sharing my special day. There is no RULE on who you HAVE to invite. You the one kicking out the money so you invite who you can afford.
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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    Actually i planned exactly how i wanted to plan it....you have your way of doing it & i have mine... no one is offended they understand we only have so much money & didnt want to disclude any family members.
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  • L
    Expert June 2018
    LeeAnne ·
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    Girl just do you & if that means some SO's have to be cut it is what it is like i said i have explained this to all my guests & they completely understand it just isn't in the budget
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  • MrsMcCormick
    Dedicated November 2019
    MrsMcCormick ·
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    There is no point in any of my comments that I said anything along those lines. Obviously there will be exceptions, there is a distinct difference between a friend who is on their 3rd girlfriend/boyfriend in a 6 month period that I have never met or even heard of and a friend who is in a new yet fairly serious relationship. I asked for advice, and while I appreciate everyone who takes the time out of their day to respond I also don’t need a comment that is made to make me feel badly about not knowing how this stuff works. A simple “yes, you should probably invite everyone’s significant other regardless of length or seriousness of relationship” would have been fine.
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