What to do when a bridesmaid is having a fit about her hair being in an updo for the wedding day?

What is more important...making all ur bridesmaids looking exactly the same whether they look good or not....or having ur bridesmaids (close friends or family members) stand up next to you confidently looking the best they can look in each of their own ways??? Are the updos that important that you would make a bridesmaid feel uncomfortable??? i get that ur the bride...but there are just some things that you should also take into consideration...maybe the bridesmaid should be telling you how grateful she is of you and ur FH for paying for the hair/makeup but that she doesnt feel comfortable wearing her hair up...just breathe this should be the least of your worries...

I have to agree with Shannon and Sharon. My approach would be to say "I would really love it if you would have your hair put up, and I've taken care of the hair appointment already," but if she really hates her hair up and wants to make a big deal of it, it isn't worth fighting over. I know this isn't a hill I would be willing to die on.

LOL shannon, I would do that (without the fauxhawk

I think having the same style dress etc. is perfectly fine for dresses/shoes, but when you come to personal stuff, hair, tattoos, weight etc. Then it's gettin tad stepford wifeish. As your friends, they are individuals and shouldn't be clones because it looks good in your photos.

I agree with Shannon and Sharon. Not everyone looks good with their hair up and if you don't feel like you look good you don't enjoy yourself. BM's do a lot for the bride and the wedding and they should be comfortable and be able to enjoy themselves. I say tpm to her. See if you could come to an agreement. May e she will agree to wearing 1/2 up 1/2 down. Or maybe a soft ponytail with curls that sits low or something.

I disagree that BM's are decor, they are your friends standing up for you and supporting you as you marry the love of your life. Sure put them in similar color dresses, shoes etc. give them a little leeway on the hair etc. They are people and not centerpieces.

I think a compromise is the perfect solution, ala Vera's comment.

Vera - that's an awesome idea. Maybe a side ponytail with curls? Still formal, but not quite a French twist.

She could also be looking back on the day in a few years and thinking, wow, why did a strain a friendship over how my BM wore her hair? She means more to me than that, I should've taken a step back from the "wedding" and taken in account the marriage and relationships in the future.

I really personally don't care. My Moh picked the dress on her own (sent me a picture after she had it) is deciding what she wants to do for her hair alone and the only stipulation on the shoes is they have to be clean (she will probably be wearing flipflops or converse). I don't care about that stuff. I still think that if you do care about it matching the bm is being petty making such a fuss over the hair. I don't think I would make a big deal out of it though. She was reasonable asking for them all to match but if its friend with hair down on no friend that is a easy choice to make.

I'm with Sharon, Shannon, and Vera. There's a limit to how much you can expect BMs to do to "match." When BMs are already wearing the same dress (and possibly shoes and jewelry) already, they are going to look like a set regardless of what they do with their hair. And if she hates the way her hair looks and consequently looks miserable in all the photos, I would think that would be much more detrimental to "wedding memories" than realizing that one cannot dictate the hairstyles of others. Not to mention, if she never wears her hair that way even in formal settings, she won't even look like HERSELF in the photos, which I would think should be considered a minus.

The only thing I think is questionable here is the timing--if she knew far in advance that she was going to be asked to wear her hair a certain way that she hates, she really should have said something sooner. But that doesn't mean she abdicates all right to pick a hairstyle.

I think that she's being ridiculous. I mean really they are your pictures and I'm sure this wasn't a spur of the moment decision. When she agreed to be a bridesmaid, she agreed to SUPPORT you, not make your wedding about her. She should suck it up. There are several options. She could pin up the curls for the ceremony and let them down for the reception.

I myself would be happy to do it becasue it is being paid for me. hair and makeup done that is really expensive for all BMs, if she is worried about it see if you can show her the half and half do's so she can feel good about it as well. i told my girls to do wat they want with their hair. i really don't care myself as long as it's done.

And if your colors are pink and brown and you choose a pink BM dress, but one of the BMs HATES pink. Then what happens? She is forced to wear pink, she doesn't get to show up in blue just because she likes blue. Same goes for hair

A Idea I have is get a magazine with hair styles. Look through it first and mark the kinda styles you want her to wear. Have her look through it with you and come to a compromise. I don't think your being a bridezilla but maybe a bit stubborn. I was looking for ideas for updos and bought Bridal Hair Gallery it has tons of pictures and styles in it. Do this today and don't wait you don't want the fight morning of. Updos to me mean pulled away from the face but thats not always true. Not everyone looks good with the hair away from their face.

My engagement was only 7 months, but I informed all of my BMs not to cut their hair during that time because I wanted their hair up. What did they say? "ok" Because they are FRIENDS and that is why I chose them to be in my wedding party, because I love them and they love me. And I have and will do the same when I'm a BM.

I was more laid back because my BM paid for their own things. In addition I understand being uncomfortable as a BM and have turned down 3 offers in the past year. Your wedding is rarely ever as importatn to someone as it is to you. With that being said come to a compromise on the hair style. I know you are paying for it but you want a happy Bride AND a happy BM. If this is the biggest issue between you two.....congrats because as NE-YO sings you're "living that champagne life where trouble is nothing but a bubble in a glass" trust me you'll feel better afterward. Good luck.

If someone asks me to be a BM and not to cut (or otherwise change) my hair in the interim, I'll just say no. So clearly this is not an issue on which everyone sees the BM role in the same way.

Forgive the poor spelling...I'm a bit tired!

I hate hate hate my hair down, Can Not Stand It!! With that said, if I was in a wedding and someone else was paying for my hair to be done, I'd keep my freaking mouth shut... If everyone else is okay with it, than she can deal.

Honestly if you were paying for me to get my hair done, I'd do it ... But I think it's just up to you ... Granted it's not worth a little hair issue to destroy a friendship over but in all honesty I guess if she agreed to be a BM, then she agreed to all the terms and conditions that came with it. I for one am not making my BMs get their hair done or their make up done, I figure having them all in the same dress, the same color shoes and the same jewelary is enough ... But I'm also not paying for everyone's hair and make up ... I'm simply just footing the bill for the salon day the day before the wedding ...

I think for each bride it's to each her own and if you want her hair up, then she should compromise and put it up ...

OK...I just got married and honestly. I would not even bother push her anymore...Let me tell u, u want a happy bridesmaid at your wedding not a grumpy one who will ruin your day because she is bitching all day about her hair. It is not worth it. You don't want this to put a damper on your wedding. Believe me I did compromised on certain things (because in the end it wasn't worth the additional stress......) and everyone there had a great time and were there to support me on my day. My suggestion is if she doesn't want a full updo, if she can compromise and at least pull her hair back in the front and let the rest be hanging in the the back. And maybe if you lay off and she see everyone else doing it, she may just change her mind in the end! My maid of honor didn't want to get up extra early because she isn't a morning person...I was pissed as hell, but in the end I had a happy supportive moh at the wedding. (Would I ever pick her again for this...I would have to rethink it!! lol) To me