What to do when a bridesmaid is having a fit about her hair being in an updo for the wedding day?

The friendship and less drama is better in the end. You DON'T want this to ruin your day and it can...when you have a diva like this girl! And honestly....I don't love my hair up either...and maybe she just wants to feel the best she can for your day!!

Good luck!

I think the biggest problem is that whole "terms and conditions" mindset about BMs. Expecting them to wear and pay for matching dresses is culturally pretty standard, so it's not a surprise to anyone (well, sometimes the paying is, honestly, but not the wearing).

All this other stuff, like letting the bride decide your hairstyle, being expected to put $x into a shower and bachelorette, being expected to attend planning meetings, etc. varies widely from person to person and if you didn't state from the very beginning that you wanted it, you can't really expect people to understand their agreement to be in the BP as signing off on it. (Whether or not the "terms and conditions" any particular bride sets are REASONABLE is a whole 'nother issue.)

As a bridal store, we see more than our fair share of bride/BM disagreements. Our motto is: whatever makes the bride happy. But we always consider the feelings of the BM because usually there is a compromise somewhere. We try to remind both parties that this other person is someone that you (hopefully) like.

Usually the ultimate question is whether this is a battle that is really important to you. If it's important, explain that to your BM and hold your ground. If it's just something you'd prefer but are not willing to lose a friend over, then just let it go.

Either way, the wedding day will be fabulous. Good luck and best wedding wishes!

(Also, I really don't think "diva" is an appropriate label for a woman solely because she loathes her hair up and really doesn't want to wear it that way. You may think she's being unreasonable, but "diva" seems like a wider-reaching label to me.)

...I've thought it over, and I think the ONLY thing that my BMs could have done with their hair that would have upset me would have been to dye it pink, red, or purple. :p

She can either get with the program or bow out gracefully...its only for a couple of hours.

I agree with Shannon/Sharon/etc. I mean where does the matchy-matchy crap end? What if a bride was asked her BMs to wear fake nails? Or super-high platform heels? Is it okay to ask BMs to lose weight or dye their hair? Wearing an up-do may be no big deal for most women but you have no idea what this woman's insecurities are. Why would you want her to be uncomfortable on the wedding day?

When my brother got married his wife wanted me to wear my hair down and curly. Hahaha! Not gonna happen. My hair is pin-straight and will not hold a curl. Not to mention it was an outdoor wedding in July. The hairdresser wrestled with my hair for 2 hours before finally giving in and doing what I told her to do in the first place. Ridiculous.

I actually had my girls wear the same color dress (David's Bridals) and pick the design they liked and felt comfortable in. I asked them to wear silver shoes of their choice and pick jewelry that wasn't too heavy. They could wear their hair however they wanted to....It worked out great and they were ALL happy!! I feel if you have asked them to buy the dress of your choice, you gave them the jewelry (u said they can wear their own shoes which is great!) But with the rest...hair/makeup you may just have to let this go...It does get to be too much even though it is your day!!

I could understand if you wanted her to DYE her hair.....but style it? Please.....wash it the next day and it's done.

I personally hate my hair straight back, off my face (despite my profile pic over there, LOL). That being said, if I were in someone's wedding, I would wear my hair however they wanted. Whether they paid for it or not. Cuz its THEIR wedding.

I had a lot of problems with my bridesmaids... But there were 2 things i let them choose themselves is their hair and their shoes. We have to understand that not everyone will look nice with an updo and not everyone feels comfortable with wearing the same type of shoes because the face and feet shapes are individual. You can still make her go with a professional, and she can wear her hair down but give her an option of making it look an evening hairdo. Remember one thing, yes it is your wedding, but there are people who can make you feel down because of little things and they are not simply worth an argument. Good luck!

I personally had issues like that off and on with my girls. I told them its my wedding not theirs and if they want to be in it then this is what its going to be. No questions. The shoes i said wear what they want as long as their black. People i see alot saying make the bridesmaids more comfortable and let them pick this or that. Well im sorry when its their wedding i wont be complaining about anything since its not my place. Just hold your ground.

Thanks everyone for your responses!! Some great points of view, and I understand both sides and feel both ways...there's a fine line between the two. In regards to this particular woman...it goes beyond hair for me. I have 5 other women who are excited and happy about everything I have done for them. I have paid for their clutches, wraps, jewelry...not cheap jewelry either...real and genuine worth about $200 each woman because I adore them! This particular bridesmaid has complained from day one and knew about the hair since February of 2010. I even paid for in full a spa day the day before the wedding and this same bridesmaid is the only one who doesn't want to go because she "only trusts certain spas and goes to certain people".

She has complained about her makeup being done by the makeup girl I hired because she only wants a "certain kind of makeup" on her. I told all the girls to wear whatever shoes they wanted and she made the comment that her shoes "must be open toed so people can see my pedicure!" Her true colors have really shown this past several months and I have never even received a thank you, only complaints. We even rented a gorgeous home the Friday before the wedding for all of us bridesmaids to spend the night in before the wedding and have some girl time. The next morning I have champagne breakfast planned and the hair and makeup girls are coming and we are going to make it a wonderful party. She freaked out today because she doesn't want to spend the night because the house isn't good enough for her and apparently we are not either. All of the girls are shocked at her behavior! I am just going to suck it up. Live and learn.