what is with the no cash bar stand?

I think some people figure the guests are already spending money on a gift or a check plus spending whatever it takes to get to the wedding, so I think people think in return it's a nice gesture to have an open bar and not make them pay for something else. I am open either way. Sure if it's a cash bar i'd probably drink less but oh well if you don't have the money to do an open bar at least your still offering when you do a cash bar. I agree with you though I do think it is rude for someone to expect an open bar!

See my gifts average at 20 -30 dollars because i think its rude to ask for high priced items. (my highest item right now is 50 )

we are dong a cash bar but are providing a few bottle of wine/ beer per table and champaign for the toast. my wedding though is at 11 am i really don't think people are going to drink more then that atlest not to make the min of open bar my venue requires.

In certain areas it's the norm for people to have open bars, in other area's, like where I live, it's normal for people to have cash bars. I think it has a lot to do with that, and like Breanne said they figure the guests have already spent money on a gift and travel, and you're the hostess. I honestly don't see the problem with them though, even if they weren't the norm here.

I'm doing a cash bar, and having one or two drink "tickets" for them complimentary, and wine on the tables.

I don't think it's rude at all.. you aren't "making" them pay for anything, they are opting to pay to drink alcohol, they have the option of free punch, right? I see nothing wrong.

My understanding of that other post is that it is terribly rude to make people pay for soda, tea, coffee and sometimes even water. As far as the alcohol, like I said there I would never ask my guests to pay for their drinks whether there were alcoholic drinks or not because they are my guests. Just because there are more of them doesn't mean they should be treated differently than guests you would have at your home IMO. I do agree that you should not be expected to pay for everyone to get totally smashed though. I mean, unless you're having an all you can eat/drink style wedding lol!

I am sorry, i am not talking about just the other post today it is on on going thing i see.

we also don't allow alcohol in our home so that might be were some of my offense to this is coming in.

Oh sorry, my bad. I certainly understand why you would feel the way you do if you don't even allow it in your home. If your friends and family know this they are probably expecting a 'dry' wedding anyway.

Some of them do but some of them dont and we really dont want to have to explain that to them.. we are getting Sparkling grape juice for my FH for the toast .

We will be having a cash bar for hard alcohol. We will be providing beer and we are actually making our own wine. Soft drinks and water will also be provided, we are only paying for our wedding party to have the hard alcohol if they choose. Otherwise, if you don't like wine or beer I suggest they do not drink. i don't think there is anything wrong with a cash bar.

Let's start with the fact that an open bar is not required. A dry wedding is not an etiquette violation. Thus, it is of no relevance whether you are paying for the reception, or what your financial situation is; you can always avoid having to pay for alcohol at a wedding simply by not having alcohol at the wedding. Similarly, it is not an etiquette violation to have only a limited selection of alcohol (e.g., beer and wine) rather than an open bar.

The cash bar has traditionally been seen as a violation of etiquette because by serving alcohol you are treating it as part of the festivities, yet you are having the guests pay for it. The analogy is that it is like serving lobster at your reception: It is fine either not to have lobster at all, or to have it available to all. However, it would be an etiquette issue if you had chicken available at no cost, but told your guests they would have to pay the extra cost if they wanted lobster.

Bravo 2nd Bride! You explained that beautifully!

Where im from its completely normal to have a cash bar but i want a semi open bar but the hubby just wants a cash bar because of the cost. hes the one who grew up with open bars i grew up broke lol but do what you want its not rude not to have an open bar and people are very understanding and if there not then maybe they shouldnt be there anyways

I'm sorry but I'm not going to pay for some of my guests to get sloshed on my wedding night, they can do that on their dime...I don't think the girls who are giving crap about cash bars realize how expensive it really can be, the venue my FH and I were looking at up here in Alaska back in Feb charged 75 dollars(yes 75 DOLLARS) a bottle for an open bar, and I just wasn't going to pay that for how few guests I expect to be there, and most of them drink like fish. But I can also see why having an open bar can be a good thing...if you have the budget for it (which I do not, and wouldn't even if it did fit in my budget).

Edit to add: and on the whole "they paid for gifts" thing, I'm not asking for gifts from my guests, I'm going to register for a "donation" type of registry where the money they give goes to foundations of my FH and I's choice, but even if they were getting a gift, it's not a required thing to go to a wedding to bring a gift, it's just like with a birthday party(cont'd)

You are not required to bring a gift, I have never required people to bring me anything for my birthday if I had a party, other than good spirit and a fun loving attitude, and that's all I expect at my wedding. I am one of those types of people that I don't think you need alcohol to have fun, I might even just have a dry wedding, and if people don't like that then they don't have to come to it, it saves me money on the food they would have eaten.

I have the budget for the open bar cause his parents are paying for that. but i really i am just trying to limit the amount of drinking.. because of the time and that most of my guest will be driving anywhere from half an hour home to 3 hours.

Oh I TOTALLY understand how expensive an open bar is Briana S.. That is why we are offering beer and wine only. I also completely agree that a bride and groom should not be expected to provide enough alcohol for everyone to get completely drunk. But as I said earlier, I would choose a different venue before I would make my guests pay for their drinks. If you can't afford the couture dress you don't buy it, right? Well if you can't afford the open bar then don't offer a bar. That's just my opinion of course.

Anni in your example i think its more like if you cant afford a couture dress why buy a dress at all. and what you are doing is don't buy a couture dress get a regular one.

i think people attitude about the open bar to others on the site has been nothing short of rude.. and not alot bothers me .

It is a regional thing and nothing more. On the East Coast it is all open bars and we tend to have bigger/ more elaborate weddings. Cash bars or no bar is just simply unheard of. It other regions there are different norms and customs.

I've been to both types of weddings and they aren't so bad. Cash bar is a lot better than offering nothing. I think it actually controls how rowdy people get. If you can get all the free alcoholic drinks you want, you are going to keep going back and forth. Some people waste too. I don't mind either, as long as guests know that there is a cash bar, there should be no issue.

Also, I have been to an open bar wedding and they actually closed the bar down at dinner time. Of all times to close it, dinner time. It was a bit odd and I thought it wasn't all that great.

I'm behind 2d.

Plus, I don't know too many people who carry cash anymore.

I understand you're doing it anyway, and were just trying to understand why a cash bar is "offensive." But given that your wedding is at 11, and I assume lunch at noon, perhaps you should just ignore those types of comments, if you truly aren't going to change your mind.