what is with the no cash bar stand?

I haven't even got to planning the reception, menu, drinks, etc... But I will say we are not regsitering or asking for gifts. The best gift they can give us is to come and have a good time. But I am worried about $, he and I both have kids, we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and funding a 4-5 state move. So really a cash bar is an option for us. How I feel about it yet, though, I don't know. I guess we'll have to discuss that one.

You are hosting a party. I would never imagine hosting a party and telling my guests that they have to pay for the booze. In my opinion it's better to have a limited bar than a cash bar. As far as the cost at venues, this is something that we factored in when choosing our venue and we decided that we would only choose a venue where we could bring our own alcohol. This limited our venue choices but saved us a few thousand dollars.

Ultimately to me cash vs open bar comes down to whether or not you want to be a good host or not.

I have hosted parties where it was BYOB. I don't see much of a difference. I've even been to/hosted parties where it was bring your own meat to grill and BYOB. It's kind of standard actually.

But I am from the kooky midwest where cash bars are normal and expected.

PS> We are doing beer, wine and set-ups. So there will be free stuff for people to drink but also they can bring their own hard liquor.

I've hosted BYOB parties before too, but that's when I was in college. To me hosting a party and making others bring their own booze or food is improper. I hosted a small party yesterday (8-10 people) and I made sure that I had all of the food and drinks ready for them when they got there. To me, that's just proper protocol for hosting a get together.

It's a personal decision in all honesty. And it is not that uncommon to close the bar down at dinner and then reopen for a few hours for the reception ... especially if there will be a wine service and a champagne toast ... for my wedding it's open bar from 5pm -6:30pm for the cocktail hour from 6:30-8:00 it's a closed bar for the dinner, dances, toasts, and cake cutting, and it'll reopen at 8:00 till 11:00 with the reception ending around 11:30ish ... so for me that's norm, but for others it isn't. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Well, a lot of it is culture and regionalism. I am from DC, and would never dream of a cash bar of any kind. The way I see it, I wouldn't charge a dear friend to grab a beer out of my fridge...so why on Earth would I charge that same friend for a beer at my wedding?

I do know there are reasons for cash bars, such as budget or region. But here are the arguments that never fail to piss me off:

1. "I'd rather spend the money on my dress." Really? So you looking all dolled up is more important than your guests? Just buy your couture gown and elope, then.

2. "I'm not paying for everyone to get drunk," is just downright insulting. Not everyone who drinks is a drunk, and that just strikes me as contemptuous of your guests. If you have such a low opinio, why invite them in the first place?

3. "Relative X is a recovering alcoholic." I have known many recovering alcoholics, and not a single one expects a dry wedding or cash bar. (more)

They deal with temptation all day, every day, and don't need to be babied at your wedding. It insults their intelligence.

In other words, don't use your contempt for your guests to justify that position - cut the people you clearly have so little respect for off your guest list and call it a day.

There's a faint strain of holier-than-thou in a lot of cash bar/dry wedding posts that honestly is rude, and just riles me up.

I agree with the others about it being a regional thing. I have never been to a wedding where there was a cash bar, but in other parts of the country it may be the norm to have a cash bar. Cash bar isn't even an option at a lot of the venues we looked at, it was either beer, wine, soda bar or full open bar with premium liquor options.

Im doing a cash bar simply for the costs... my parents are paying for the venue and to have the smallest package for the open bar it will cost me/my parents an extra $3,000! that to me is close to 15% of my wedding! im so not tacking that much on when im struggling to pay for my wedding as is.

and i totally agree with you Shannon C. it does seem quite a bit of people on here have a certain disgust towards cash bar..

Jessica r. Well said. I am in NJ and we are having an open bar, it is the norm and it would be rude to have it otherwise, unless for some extreme reason.

I am from the Midwest and also spent 10 years up and down the east coast. I never heard of a cash bar until this year when i went to a wedding and it was cash bar for everything even soda.

If you are going to have a cash bar and make people pay for coffee, tea and soda; 1) tell them, because they will need to know they have to bring cash and 2) maybe if you can't afford to at least give your guests soda you should rethink your reception plans.

I also live in DC and am having an open bar. It is part of the package with our venue and honestly I don't think cash bar is even an option.

As usual I agree with Shannon S. Whatever your reason is for cash bar, be it region, religion, or cost - the very last thing I appreciate hearing from the hostess is that she's too worried about "paying for me to get sloshed at her wedding". To me - THAT is rude.

I was at a wedding over the weekend where only beer and wine were served and it was perfect, btw.

I agree with Shannon S and Heather here. I am from Chicago and have only been to one wedding where there was a cash bar. It is considered rude to not have an open bar. You are inviting people to a celebration in your honor so expecting people to pay for anything - gifts, food, drinks, etc., just doesn't seem right to me.

I also find the comments of "I don't want people to get sloshed at my wedding" to be quite rude.

Here, you bring money for a bar at a wedding no matter what, and you bring a gift to the host to any gathering that has the word party in it.

BYOB is also common practice around here. and i dont know anyone who would show up to a BBQ with out bringing either alcohol or some sort of food dish.

@anna offensive is to strong of a word, some people attitude about it on WW is offensive. but for a guest to assume there is a open bar here is kind of rude. though

@ and that holier than tho thing is what made me make this post.

we are having many guest from Chicago and i understand the City sees more the open bar. so i get that things change from regions but the way that i raised or more of a fail if a guest complains or doesn't bring money for alcohol at a wedding then for the host to have a open bar.

@kelly i dont think the "i dont. want people to get sloshed" i a good excuses either no one wants anyone to get wasted at their wedding!

That is why it is a good idea to at least let your guests know, so they are not blindsided. Just because you were raised that way doesn't mean everyone can read your mind. Have a cash bar, just give people a heads up.

Well, the guests probably won't complain to your face...but if I went to a wedding with a cash bar, especially if it was an evening event with pro flowers and the bride had an expensive dress? I would definitely feel like the guests were an afterthought and the couple just wanted their pretty princess day.

Cash Bar is definitely a regional thing. I've been to a TON of weddings, and not a single one was open bar all night. And I wasn't offended in the least. The norm is usually free booze for cocktail hour, wine provided during dinner (bar closed) and pop, water, tea coffee and punch are free. After dinner, bar opens and it's a cash bar, with $2 drinks.

I personally find it rude for guests to expect an open bar at every wedding. When we have people over to our house for dinner or such, I will provide the food and non-alcoholic beverages, if they want booze, they can bring it. It's the norm around here and that's just how it is. I honestly see no difference between having no alcohol and proving the punch, tes, coffee, etc. and if guests want booze, they can pay for it themselves and a cash bar.

I have been to weddings that had cash bars and ones with open bars - personally it does not make a single bit of difference either way to me (I don't drink anyway) but I too think it is extremely rude for any guest to complain about cash bars - they can be very expensive and not every couple can afford it and it may not always be a priority for the couple as well.

The only reason we are having an open bar is because it comes with our wedding pacakge, otherwise it would be cash bar all the way. But if we did have a cash bar I would give our guests a heads up in advance so they knew to bring money with them.

I don't get how having a pot luck is different than having a BYOB party. It's not just something you do in college. If I had to supply liquor for everyone at every party I gave I would not be able to afford more than 1 party per year. Instead I get to have lots of parties. I provide the grill, the propane/charcoal, the bonfire and beds to sleep in if you go too far, you bring your own booze. No one cares that they have to bring your own booze.

I am so sick of the condescension on this subject. Yeah, ok, it's not the way it's done where you are but that doesn't mean people who do it are tacky or rude.

Personally, Keatha, I dislike the condescension of, "I'm not paying for anyone to get sloshed at my wedding!" (not that you said that, I just see it ALL THE TIME on these cash bar posts and it's gotten really old).

1. in theory your guests are adults, and 2. if you have such a low opinion of people, why invite them? and, 3. I had sloshed people at my wedding, and because I don't have a stick up my behind, I found it funny. Have a cash bar or don't, but I don't like it when posters use contempt for their loved ones as an excuse to not provide alcohol.

This is one of those subjects that just gets everyone riled up.

PS - I throw a lot of parties and never once have I told people to BYOB. However, since my friends are gracious people, they usually offer to bring side dishes, alcohol, hostess gifts, etc.