Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

He just chose NOT to pay it? I don't get it. Where did that money go? This is very strange. 8 months is a long time. They take houses in shorter time than that... I work for a financial institution. You don't live for free for 8 months.

Thank you for the advice. We will be getting together after work to go through our account transactions one by one with a fine tooth comb.

@sage, I'm sorry that this is happening. Don't blame yourself for not knowing what to look for. This is not a normal situation. It's much easier to know where to look and what to ask from the outsiders perspective. I'm wishing you nothing but the best. Please make sure you keep YOUR best interests in mind here.

All accounts. If you have private checking accounts as well.

This kind of secrecy would end a relationship for me. Not a great way to start your marriage on the right foot. It's not the money- it's the lies. I need to be able to trust my husband and that trust is broken. Like a mirror- you can put it back together, but t will always be broken.

Oh no, I'm so sorry you are going through this in what is supposed to be a happy time! I kept obsessively checking every day for your BAM. Thinking of you OP and hope you are ok

This is a terrible situation. Im sorry you've going though this. I think finding out whats going on is necessary as is couples counseling. Is there somewhere you can stay? I know that I couldn't handle being around him.

Lying about this means he can and will lie about other things. Only you can decide what to do as far as your relationship. I heart breaks for you in what should be a happy time. I hope you get the answers you need and deserve. Don't blame yourself too much, he is an adult and he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

Wow, I'm sorry but lying (especially about something so big) is a definite deal breaker. Also I could never be with someone who so irresponsible. I am sorry you are going through this, I hope you can get things worked out somehow.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you

I worry that if he could hide something so important from you - what other things would he feel comfortable lying about?

OP Please post an update when you have one. I certainly wish you the best.

Thank you everyone. I'm glad I posted it here. I wasn't thinking clearly on next steps... just seeping into a depression.

@MKE Bride... even though this is a shitty situation, the wedding was beautiful. That venue is amazing, the bartenders were awesome, and the coordinator at the venue did an amazing job. You'll have a fantastic, breath-taking wedding.

In jesus name . God bless you OP ! Praying everything works out hun!

Everyone has an opinion on prenuptial agreements, but at least they force to you to sit down and talk about your assets and debts. It's surprising to me you didn't know his mother was part owner on the house.

Wow...All I can say is I'm so very sorry you're going through this, and I hope you find the answers you need to get through this and that you two can work things out. He clearly needs to learn what communication is.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Also, look at any expense and if it seems higher than normal (Target or grocery trips, etc). He could have requested cash back at stores instead of taking out cash from the account. You can buy a pack of gum and take out $60 in cash. That would add up doing that frequently. Just an idea...

I would be hurt and pissed. I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore and that's grounds for divorce.

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I couldn't imagine going through what your going through just take a deep breath and try to think logically! I would probably get counseling!

Susan she said it's accounted for. that doesn't make sense.

That's way to much fucking money to just be "lost"

Lucy- you got some 'splaining to do!!!

IMHO this is unforgivable.

I'm sorry but I would have "blacked out" and not been accountable for my actions once I told of this situation. I would have felt deceived by not only your husband but his mother too.

I would get an legal advice regarding an annulment and seek to separate myself immediately!