Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

This is confusing. Is this a joint account? Why can't you just check your bank statements to find out where the money went?

@Lauralou she said the house is in his name only.

ETA: Natalie I wonder if he was making cash withdrawals?

Bad choices is buying a new TV or gaming system and not having enough to pay the power bill.

This is 8 months of deception. Yes it is a relationship ending move. Thousands of dollars are missing and unaccounted for.

Oh man... Something is going on.. Whether he was making sure you had enough to pay for the wedding, or something worse, needs to come out of his mouth..

I would be beyond pissed, but I wouldn't be crying girl, I would be wanting answers and now!

FutureVC, it's not a bad choice he made. It was a catastrophic, homelessness-on-the-horizon decision. Leaving him is certainly not extreme when he gave no shits about OP's financial and home security.

@Elk - even if cash withdrawals, she may be able to go back and notice a trend. I would be combing my bank account to figure out where the hell that money went (cash withdrawal or any other place).

If neither is good with money, I do wonder if the money could have spent on the wedding and OP didn't realize. That's why there wasn't a surplus but no red flags? I find that highly unlikely, but it's the only explanation I can come up with. I imagine the mortgage payment must be at least $500 (likely higher), so to just be "missing" that money every month is a little crazy to me and to not notice other odd transactions. But I also tend to watch my bank accounts and credit cards more than other people.

ETA: Not trying to blame you in the least SageTree - just with how I handle money it's baffling how this would happen. But everyone handles money differently.

@Dedodara - it's possible OP was only paying attention to the balance in the account and not specific transactions. I am diligent about my account and checking it daily, but some people are not that way. Especially if this was not her primary checking account.

It's so important to always keep an eye on what's going on in your account, check bank statements regularly etc. OP was not wrong to trust her husband to make the mortgage payments, she was wrong to not keep an eye on the account too though. All I know is I would not rest until he told me what happened to the money.

I don't think ending the relationship is extreme. Putting your and your wife's future in jeopardy is. I agree with PPs that you need to get angry and get to the bottom of this.

Admittedly, that would have been a deal breaker for me. In our case, FH never put our home in danger. Depleted most of our savings, but did not tank our future by any stretch. Just wasted a shit ton of money.

OP, you've gotten a lot of really good advice here. And I know that lostness that you are feeling. But, please, don't roll over. Be selfish right now and figure out what's best for you.

I have a feeling your MIL was going to tell you if he didn't.. I would call her, if you are close like that.

I second Richard. There is something (perhaps many) nefarious things going on. If it is another woman and he spent money on her that is a huge legal issue. I wang to reiterate the need for a lawyer.

@MFB in a rural area I think that's reasonable. It also makes me sick to think about, though.

(Side note: I'm totally with those of you who are shocked by someone suggesting mortgage could be $500 a month! In my area minimum mortgage is $2000, usually more like $3000 if you want anything better than a 2 bed fixer upper.)

No matter how you slice it, it's not a small amount of money. And it's not 100% about the money. It's about the deceit.

The bank would usually send notices/warnings after the first month.. was he intercepting them and throwing them away or something?

Mortgages vary drastically by location, cost of the house, size of down payment, length of mortgage, etc. However, it's never an insignificant amount of money, and the fact that he's been lying about it and doing god knows what with their money is absolutely horrible.

@FutureVC I don't know what planet you live on but here we base our relationships in trust. He lied about something HUGE for more than half a year! That trust can never be rebuilt. Removing all money related responsibility is like slapping a bandaid on a gunshot wound. Yeah in theory it could work but you have some large deep issues to deal with that would better address the problem.

Mines $600 for a 2 bedroom 2 floor condo.

I'm speechless. This is awful and I'm sorry your husband tricked and deceived you and you had to find out AFTER you were legally married.

To be honest, I would be contacting attorneys to see how to get this marriage annulled. Just googled and found this info:

Most states allow annulments, if you can prove your marriage is "voidable," meaning it was valid, but should be nullified (voided or canceled) based on one of the following grounds:

unsound mind--one spouse lacked the ability to give consent due to a mental impairment or the influence of drugs or alcohol

force or coercion--one spouse was coerced into the marriage, by force or threat of force

FRAUD -one spouse makes false statements, and the other spouse agrees to marry based on a belief that the statements were true, (This is the one to argue for)

or a physical impairment, including sexual impotence, which prevents the couple from consummating the marriage.

@MFB $400-$500 would be about normal in my area, give or take a bit. However, I live in a LCOL state so definitely wouldn't see close to $2000 in mortgage unless we went for an insanely expensive house.

@Sage I'm not sure what I can say that others haven't already said except you've been given some great advice from PP. I would, at the very least, make steps to protect yourself financially, pack a bag, and go stay with a friend/family member, or a hotel if you can afford it. Give yourself some space to get past the crying stage and into a more productive mindset. In all honesty, if eight months went by of my spouse lying to me about the mortgage and the money for the mortgage completely disappearing, I'd be ready to walk away. That level of deceit and broken trust would be difficult to get over and repair. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out well for you no matter what that might mean.