Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

I am sorry so to hear that this has happened to you...I cannot imagine what you are feeling I really can't. I have been with my FH for over 6 years now and if I found that out I honestly don't know if I could stay with him as much as my heart would want to. We trust each other fully and that would be very difficult to get back with something like this.

You are also going to feel like you are nagging him from here forward about bills and payments if you stay together and that will strain the relationship even further than it already is.

I would say you need to figure out where the money went b/c it sounds like it could be serious to spend that amount of money each month on something you know nothing about.

I also find it extremely odd that his mom is getting his mail. Are you close to her? If so I would try and talk to her for some answers b/c she sounds like she knows what is going on.

I certainly hope everything works out okay for YOU as no one deserves this.

I have to agree with Richard and AK here. You need to be prepared for the worst. That money went somewhere.

Whoa. I'd never be judgmental because we all fall on hard times at some point in our lives. This is big, though. This isn't forgetting to pay your cell phone bill and getting your phone turned off. This is potentially losing the roof over your head. I think the main question I have here is why was the mail going to your MIL's house? I find that odd. Usually if there is mail pertaining to your house, it should be going to your house.

I don't think you should blame yourself. You are a union and you made decisions on who was doing what and you trust in that person to hold up their end of the bargain, which he was not. Yes, you could have been more aware of what is going on and you should have, but you are not at fault for this shit show he created. This is such a tough spot to be in and I am sorry you're in it.

I'm with ELK. Time to be past sad and onto angry and prepared.

I dont even know where to begin here.

You need to find out where the money went. Every last penny of it. To know that he put you in a position you could possible be homeless is disgusting.

I know you made a huge mistake and feel terrible about it, i feel terrible for you too.

Along with other people, I want to know what he did with the money. Have you even asked him?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I agree with @OG Alecia that you should seek legal counsel to figure out your next steps. The fact that he felt such little guilt that he could go on as if everything was fine on your wedding day is really concerning and is indicative of his character. He was completely okay asking you to commit your life to him knowing he's been deceitful and hiding something really serious from you. He's capable of much deeper deceit than lying about money.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and this is 100% a relationship ending move. I trust my husband to be a responsible adult and if he cannot be honest after 1 month let alone 8 months he is too comfortable with lying.

Honey, my advice is to find a lawyer and start the paperwork. Call friends and family and see if you can stay with them. You need to start saving money to file the divorce paperwork and find a new place. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this but he fucked up beyond what can be repaired.

I am so sorry this is happening to you Sage but you have got to stop blaming yourself. As PP's have said, when you are in a committed relationship you should not have to check up on your partner to see if they have done something they told you they did. You had nothing to do with this money disappearing so you are not at fault FOR ANYTHING.

I honestly don't know how you can go on from this. The very first thing though that has to happen is he has to tell you where the fuck that money is and what in gods name he has been doing these past 8 months cause something is rotten in Denmark. Then extreme counseling if you decide you want to try to fix things.

I am so sorry.

Get a credit report now... What other accounts/loans could be opened with your name on it that you don't even know about? Do you have a prenup? What are the community property laws in your state? If you live in a community property state, without a prenup, your husband might be entitled to 50% of your new checking account.

I am so sorry you're going through this. You've been given lots of good advice already, there was one more thing I wanted to point out. He knew what he was doing was so wrong that you may want out and intentionally waited until after the wedding to tell you. I'd be speaking to a lawyer.

Jesus. I'm so sorry, OP.

I kind of wonder if the only reason he even told you was because the letter went to his mother's house, and she threatened to tell you if he didn't.

I don't have much to add to PPs except to repeat: make sure you have your own account, do not allow him access to a cent more of your money, and talk to a lawyer, like, now.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, but if it was me I'd be out. This is an absolute deal breaker for me. My parents dealt with this exact same thing when I was a kid. We lost our house because my mom didn't pay the house payment. It pretty much destroyed my family.

He owes you a serious explanation, you need to know where the money went. I understand that you love this man, but part of loving someone is trusting them and that trust is gone. And from my experience, no matter how hard you try, that trust will never come back. I'd suggest definitely setting up your own account and getting away for a bit while you figure out what you're going to do, you need to take care of yourself. I also agree with others that you should absolutely consider consulting a lawyer.

Wowww. He lied about something to damn serious for that long? Seriously??? I would be freakin pissed! U need to talk to him asap because this is much more than just him thinking he didn't have enough to pay.

The good thing is the house is in his name so it won't affect your credit. It was his separate property before marriage and remains his property unless he added you to the title.

Are you both on the mortgage? I would be concerned about how this would impact your credit score. (In addition to the other obvious issues!)

So do you actually see the money coming out in a transaction each month? Or did the money never come out and perhaps went to other expenses unknowingly (like paying a caterer or credit card bill etc). If the money actually came out, then yes huge problem as PPs have mentioned.

If the money never left, I'd recommend counseling and reading some budgeting and finance books /seminars to get you two on track. As it would sound as if your budgeting skills need some fine tuning.

Best of luck OP

Honestly, I think ending your relationship is a little extreme. Your H made some bad choices. It happens. You believed his lies. It happens, and it's over now. I think you'll be able to recover from this.

If it was me, I would remove all of his responsibility related to money and take it over. That way you know things are paid for and don't have to worry about trusting him to do this anymore. Then, I would sit down and have a serious chat with him about what he's done. Explain what things need to change and what you want from him going forward to help rebuild that trust you once had.

I wish you so much luck and I hope you can recover from this.

Where the fuck is the money if it wasn't going toward your mortgage and isn't still sitting in your account? There can't possibly be a good explanation for that much money being spent at the expense of your mortgage. The lies and deceit are already horrible enough, but it sounds like there are a lot more of them.

Mel makes a very, very good point about getting a credit report. (and another one about waiting until after the wedding...) (And another about your credit not being destroyed if the house is only in his name; which makes it kinda even more weird that he'd trash his one credit score....)

Yes, it feels shitty, but for your own future, you need to know what's going on. And do keep us posted.