Wasn't up to posting a BAM, and this is why....Update Pg 12

The next day he comes home and is in tears. He proceeds to tell me I'm going to kill him, and my anxiety soars. He tells me that for the past 8 months, he has not paid our mortgage. During those 8 months, I would ask him if it was paid, I would see it didn't come out of our account, and then tell him about it.

He'd reassure me and tell me that he had paid and has a confirmation number. He did that to me for months. I blindly let this happen because I didn't think to check up on him. I deal with the other finances in the house and budget accordingly. He insisted months ago that he would be the one to CALL and make the payment every month. I told him to get it automated, but he said he would take care of it.

We had the money to pay. We never faltered with savings. We had a few tight times, but always had substantial savings.

I love this man (boy, rather) so much. But, I'm deeply hurt by this. This was supposed to be that magical time where we feel that newlywed feeling. I don't have it. I can barely look at him.

I guess I came on here because I don't want to talk to anyone in my life about it. I just want some unbiased advice/thoughts.

So.... the money is still sitting in your account? Why was he not paying it?

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I found out the hard way that my ex wasn't paying the bills he was always assuring me were paid. I know this doesn't make much of a difference but, does he even have a reason why it wasn't paid if you had the money?

But why tho?

I don't understand. You had the money but he just wouldn't pay it? If you take care of part of the finances, how did you miss that money wasn't being taken out of the account for your mortgage payments for that long?

Omg did he say why he wasn't paying? And the money was there? Call your mortgage company ASAP and find out what you need to do as I'm sure foreclosure procedures have began. Then get yourselves to counceling.

@K.M. right....something's not adding up?

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Did he offer an explanation as to why he hasn't been paying the mortgage?

His reasoning is that he felt we didn't have enough in the bank last January... then he felt we couldn't pay in February for both months... so on and so forth. What gets me the most is, he was just going to continue to do this... we could have lost the house! Now with penalties, the amount we owe is quite high... We are in a holding period right now while the loan officer decides whether or not we need to pay in full or can make payments,

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I went through something similar 12 years ago with an ex. We shared a car so I gave him cash for my half and he was supposed to pay it. I found out he wasn't paying it when it came and got repo-ed. That was the end. I don't know how you would get through this. Luckily for me, I was only 21 at the time. I would say counseling, but honestly, I wouldn't be able to get past this type of lying. Good luck.

If you had the money, why isn't he paying?

If you saw the money wasn't coming out of your account, why didn't you take the initiative to call the mortgage company?

ETA: I would likely end the relationship over this, honestly.

This is pretty bad. What about other debts? Is there a credit card taken out in both of your names somewhere that is racking up debt?

I dealt with something like this with my FH last year. I lost a lot of trust. We were able to rectify it financially. I immediately went to counseling with him. It is big and it hurts. I'm just saying, it's possible to heal from this. He's earned my trust since then.

I blame myself for not checking up on the payments coming out. I'm not the best with money myself, but we've always had our heads above water. I don't know what happened to the money though. I'm so mad about the lies. I'm mad at myself for not being more involved in the payments. I'm just unbelievably depressed right now.

Why was his mother getting your mail? Was he having the mail re-routed, I'm assuming you had notices and letters...good luck, he is right, you should be mad

This is a huge red flag. You both are supposed to be partners. This should have been something he discussed with you. I honestly don't know if I could stay with someone after that. I'm sorry OP that you are starting your marriage with this.

I am so sorry you had to come home to something like this @SageTree!

ETA: Saw all these comments after I posted mine, including your update. Man, I would so lose it!! I am sorry.

This is huge, OP and I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially right after your wedding. Was he spending the money and saying it was for the mortgage, or was the money just sitting there and never paid for 8 months? Did you not notice for 8 months you had more money than usual?

Why? Why would he do this?

Even if your mortgage is only $1,000/month, after 8 months would you be saying WOW where did all this extra $8,000 come from that's sitting in our account? Or did he take it out?

Yeah uhm if the money isn't in your account then where did it go? I would recommend you don't ask him anymore about the finances with your house and you call whoever you need to call and take control immediately. God help my fiancé if he tried this shit with me.